Dating, Loitering and Sofa Surfing, It's All Happening! Dating Thread 16.

[TimeForMeAndDD]

In continuation from previous thread:

Watch do not talk exclusivity until you have assessed the contents of his trouser department after the 5th date. Only after you have assessed the contents of his trouser department the 5th date do you decide whether or not the willy he is worth the commitment.

And yes, of course you go on Friday!! What on earth are you thinking woman! Today you were the BOSS of a coconut shy, a few of his friends will be nothing compared to that!

I've got to go make coffee, I've just watch Paying it Forward and I am in bits! BITS!

Watch, I don't know what I was looking for, fwb with my new friend suits me though.
With sex that good I don't care about relationships...!

Well that's not completely true, I am in 'converstion' with the south yorkshire man.
He's lovely and we're very well suited but he's reluctant to meet too soon, he's been badly hurt and I think he's scared.
I'm happy to wait til we know each other better, we're having lots of textx/calls/skype so are finding out about each other.

He's a lovely guy and very sweet, he's got potential.

What to do, what to do? Supposed to be going on a date on the 23rd with handsome architect. He was last heard from on Sunday when he asked me where in London I would be coming from so he could find somewhere nice to eat that was convenient for me. I replied a few hours later telling him and ending the text with, 'looking forward to meeting you.'

Since then I haven't heard anything (although we have never texted back and forth lots). So now I'm not sure whether this date is happening or not. Might be just that I will hear from him with a suggestion of where to meet nearer to the time, or maybe he has changed his mind.

I guess either way it's fine, but I need to know really as I have other plans that day I need to arrange around my date.

I don't want to contact him and give him a prod. Also it's still over a week away until the date actually happens so I can see why he might not be contacting me until nearer to the time. But I hate not knowing. Grr.

sponge - that happens all the time, few messages then it all just goes quiet, happens from both sides, normally just because there is no ' click' or one person isnt interested. it might take a few weeks to get a nice date, dont worry or give up, this stuff isnt instant. Have you looked and sent some messages? What sort of messages are you sending? and what sort of stuff is in the messages that peter out? ( just trying to get an idea, see if we can help at all - not insinuating anything, so dont take it that way)

Child - just be warey of men that claim to be too hurt to meet soon.... however nice they seem. Usually an indicator of maybe being married or something......

mlm - if you are ' just friends' as you have been claiming, they you wouldnt be bothered, but in fact, what you have done, is gone all doe eyed over a man you have spent a little bit of time with, yet again, and created some kind of something that was never there, same as what you did with just friends. I dont mean to be harsh, but for gods sake woman, sort yourself out!

mercury - its a good 'test' i did that too. Saying that, despite all my ' tests' and making it clear i wasnt after a string of one night things, i still only got a string of one night things, even though the men said before hand they wanted a fwb. conclusion: men lie!

crikey - yeah, sure we could have a look for you :) can i just recommend instagram for making people instantally look 1000% more attractive that they are :)

fuckit - bah - i hate it when that happens, when they go quiet and then you dont know, but either want to make other plans, or organise babysitting... but you dont want to have to prompt them as it were. Is it a first date? are you chatting online? can you see when he last logged in? can you not just send a chatty ' hey, hows things with you' type message?

Though, the whole ' if he likes you, he will be in contact with you' thing does tend to ring true, so i would be a bit concerned about his dropping off the face of the earth.

I just wrote a long reply and mn logged me out so it's gone, why does that keep happening?

My view is if you don't ask the answer is always 'no'.

hahahaha, oh my god. Do you remember the one from pre xmas, who i cancelled on because of the distance... and then who i nearly saw but who has a gf who, according to him ' isnt serious with' and then who pissed me off with pervy messages, so i deleted and blocked and ignored his texts....

well, would you bloody believe it, only had a text from the fucker -
him - hey stranger, long time no speak
me - who, what? who is this?
him - its me 'arsehole' surely you remember me? saw your number in my phone, thought id say hi, so hi!
me - oh.. its you! hey, how goes it mr?
him - yeah, working like a beast, looking for a distraction as always, what are you up to this weekend?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA idiot man.
Fucking really, REALLY.

in his head is he expecting ' oh nothing, shall i come bounce around on your cock for a few hours' - yes, thats what he is expecting, isnt it. Never even met him. muppet.

haha - i replied ' dinner, film, gig, packing for holiday, insane amount of sex' you?

him: oh wow, jealous! ive got nothing planned so thought id see what you were doing. Where are you going on holiday and what time shall i be round for the sex? :)

cheeky fucker.
!!!!!!!

watch Ive sent maybe 30 messages now, 1 reply - which again petered out after a few exchanges.

As to what's being said, depends on the opener, I'll take my cue from that. some have commented on something in my profile, others more generic, I've replied asked a question or two, similar back, I've replied again similarly and that's where it's stopped. I appreciate fully I'm not going to get into conversation & then onto date with every bloke but I cant seem to do this with any of them at the moment, so much for trying to be less fussy, it's made me less successful than ever (not that I actually thought that was possible).

maybe its just a duff week? that happens, thats happened to me. when you just dont get anywhere.

i wouldnt say its the being ' less fussy' thats the cause of this, because that doesnt really have any bearing on it at this stage.

And i wouldnt say ' you cant seem to do this' because its not something that you can or cant make happen through trying. its not something you are failing at. Dont take that the wrong way, but you seem to be really hard on yourself over it, and like its your fault its not working. its not that at all. Online dating is fickle as hell, people talk, then vanish. or have one date and vanish, or set up a date and vanish a day before. or just dont reply... its not through lack of effort/ anything on your behalf and you need to stop viewing it so.

apparently mr arsehole is now single, its his first weekend as a single man, so he thought id be avaliable......

Mr arsehole is obviously an arrogant wanker...literally now

my first POF potatoe of the day

www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=29777676

Watch I think you've got a point about 'something' hidden when they won't meet.
I'm going to suggest arranging something for next weekend and see what happens. He could quite easily be liiving with someone without my knowledge. That's happened quite often, I must attract the wrong type!

I'm having fun getting to know him but won't wait forever.

Until then my fwb chap will do ok!

Well, I'm seeing candidate number one again tomorrow and have exchanged e-mails and received mobile number from current number 2.

Not sure about number 2, though. He is supposedly on holiday and I have checked the weather where he says he is and saw that it was predicted some rain for the other day and mild temperatures (in the low 20s). But he said the weather was great.
But I know weather predictions can be off, so holding my judgement. And he didn't have to say where he was.
On the other hand, he has told me what he does, area of work and town he lives in.
(Darn cynical side)

Hatesponge, why don't you go back to being picky?

Fuckit
I guess either way it's fine, but I need to know really as I have other plans that day I need to arrange around my date.
I would send a message saying exactly that. Polite and friendly, but firm and non-committal. If he doesn't confirm on time you might not be able to meet him. I might even mention meeting someone else instead :o.
And wouldn't sign off with "looking forward to meeting you".
You are busy, places to go, people to see, and not desperate. ;-)

Gasp Watch! The cheeky bastard! Ah well, you've better fish to fry these days eh.

Yes it is a first date, although we've talked online before (about a year ago) and it fizzled out. He e-mailed me then to let me know he was finding online dating overwhelming (his profile was on GSM's most popular list and he was getting flooded with e-mails) and then he disappeared.

He has since come back onto the site and I viewed his profile as I thought it was him. He immediately e-mailed me to ask me out, gave me his number, asked for mine, texted me and said he'd love to take me for dinner. He seemed keen. I accepted, we swapped a few texts, and now I'm in this situation. As far as I'm aware he is logging in every day.

I can see why he may feel there is no need for constant e-mailing and texting as we have arranged a date already but... I don't know. I could contact him I know, but I don't want to. I want him to want to contact me.

fuckit - yeah, i understand why you would want to. either you can mail and ask like lueli says, or you wait and have a cut off date in your head for contact... fwiw ive never found dates with those you have chatted to in the past, fizzled out and then got back in contact to go well... it fizzled for a reason usually. ( learnt at my own expense, several times over)

I agree with you watch, about men with whom communication fizzled out.
However no#1 fwb is a guy I chatted to a bit but evaded meeting who then contacted me by e-mail a year later out of the blue to see if I was still 'looking'
It can all be very random

I've just arranged to meet a man for coffee thisafternoon, I'm quite hopeful there will be chemistry...but then hope has often been in vain

Yeah I thought that too. That perhaps he's just following the same 'fizzling out' pattern. Oh well. I really do have other things to do in London that day anyway so it's no great loss.

lueji I'm trying to be less fussy because being fussy never got me to meet anyone who had any real interest in me, hence trying something different.

I wouldn't be discouraged from one week only.

And it's football season too. :-)

I seem to be in the middle of a sex filled part of my life. This is a Good Thing .

Am seeing Mr Nice tonight. Am still amazed at how I have found a great person who thinks I am wonderful too but am definitely not knocking it :)

Have realised though that due to a combination of me having the children this weekend, XH not being able to have them next Thursday (his usual day in the week) and then me having very intense marking from home to do from next Friday (600 papers in 3 weeks ) i am thinking my blossoming relationship will need to wait a little. Even more frustrating that I will have child free weekends that I can't use. And Mr Nice has a week off when I am still marking. Will have to work Very Hard and stop thinking of other things.....

One thing I ponder is having "visitors" when children are in bed. Am against it in principle although not exactly sure how strong my principles are. Think Mr Nice's principles are stronger though so seems unlikely he would ever respond to such a call .

Anyway need to pack everyone's bags for DC off to XH and me to Mr Nice

Hi to the newbies! Glad you're having fun with your muso Watch. As Hunter S Thompson said "The music business is a dark, plastic hallway; where pimps and thieves run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side." :)

Well it never rains but it bloody pours! Two contacts in the last fortnight from women who seem nice enough. Text chats with one, phonecalls with the other. The phonecaller says she doesn't like to rush things and on average it takes 6 months before she feels she knows people well enough to meet people! I thought she was taking the piss but apparently not. I asked her how that little strategy was going and she agreed it was wasn't working especially well for her. Tonight was the fourth phonecall and I probably came across as a bit distracted. I'm not sure I can be arsed playing games with a brief profile and a couple of blurry photos. The text chatter is good value and admitted she was a bit of a reformed cougar and was now looking to settle down a bit and find someone closer to her age. They're both just a couple of years younger than me. Both phonecaller and texter made it very clear that sex was not something that was going to happen quickly... then on the second call phonecaller threw in that she had a neighbour who called around from time to go down on her! Texter threw into one of our chats that she was looking for more than just fucking and was hoping to find a guy who was into foreplay! I can honestly say that at no stage did I bring up anything about sex or intimacy... they both volunteered these gems totally unbidden! Women say it's we blokes who push for sex, but it goes both ways.

And to top it all off post office lady from last year who got cold feet and wanted to do the just friends thing sent me a friend request on FB yesterday. I'd seen her daughter at the shops a couple of weeks ago and said for her to say hi to Mum for me, and that I still considered her as the one that got away. Post office lady apologised for dropping off the radar and asked would it be ok if I dropped around sometime over the weekend for a coffee!

So inevitably I'll put my eggs into the wrong basket and end up with no contacts for months again! I've also started to do a bit more with our local ukulele club. It's a good way to drum up business and if you can play at all they thing you're Joe Brown or George Harrison! The bar is not set especially high in ukulele or country music. So that's taking up one night a week at least, just as a bit of romance is becoming a possibility.

Sorry for the long post, but for once I have something to add!

wonder if any of my neighbours would be up for that kind of arrangement?
:o

glad to hear that things are happening Poppa Rob..although the women seem as confusing as ever!

I just met the bloke I mentioned up thread..he seemed nice, no sinking feeling when I saw him, he was a nice guy, looked like his picture.

We are texting and I think I have the impression he wants to see me again.

Right now I think he is quite attractive.

If we 'get it on' my perception of his attractiveness will no doubt go up or down in direct proportion to how much he pleases me in bed.

So if he's sublime I'll start to see a young Paul Newman when I look at him:o
Fingers crossed, I can but hope :)

My neighbours are all in relationships so I have to look further afield!

And I thought it was just men who were reluctant to meet up Poppa.

Whilst I am enjoying getting to know the south yorkshire man I don't want to invest too much time into something that's dead in the water.
When is the time to be firmer about meeting up?
We've been chatting etc for 4 weeks now. He says he does want to meet me but is 'nervous'.
Well, we're all nervous; at times; but if you don't take the risk then You'll never know.