Dating, Loitering and Sofa Surfing, It's All Happening! Dating Thread 16.

[TimeForMeAndDD]

In continuation from previous thread:

Watch do not talk exclusivity until you have assessed the contents of his trouser department after the 5th date. Only after you have assessed the contents of his trouser department the 5th date do you decide whether or not the willy he is worth the commitment.

And yes, of course you go on Friday!! What on earth are you thinking woman! Today you were the BOSS of a coconut shy, a few of his friends will be nothing compared to that!

I've got to go make coffee, I've just watch Paying it Forward and I am in bits! BITS!

it is tricky watch, I guess you dont want to make any sort of formal announcements at this stage.

I already have 2 fwb arrangements on the go, although I'm thinking of dropping one of them, so he can have the fwb 2 vacancy if we hit it off :o
Not that he knows that of course

no, i bloody dont!!! :)

but it is tricky. because all my spare time has vanished.

2 fwb!!!!! wow :)

I'm seeing the lawyer again Friday and we have been emailing each other daily or twice daily, just getting to know each other a bit better.
He has hinted a few times at going places and looked for restaurants when I mentioned I liked a certain type of cuisine that is not common here. :)
It has had a relaxed feel that I like, but also some butterflies. :-) The face to face again will clarify it I think.

In the meantime, another guy was in contact and then said he would contact me next week because he was on holiday. I told him not to be surprised if I took a few days to reply as I would be away for work and holiday. He has replied to this and twice already. :)
I haven't seen his picture yet, though, so we'll see.

Plus another seemingly keen guy, but slightly unhinged. He has been quite odd about his job. Initially it was entrepreneur, then his profile lists factory worker but he said he was a waiter and also a farmer.
It was also the way he said it.
I haven't replied since.

I haven't told anyone in RL about starting to date again. So I may end up off loading a bit here. :o

Anyway, after marrying a school leaver without many interests past crappy music (some I like too), watching football and soaps and cars, I am being strict with myself and going for uni degree or above and some broad interests.
The first guy reads Italian and I'm already fantasising of how the pillow talk will go.
The second guy likes to dance, something that I did a lot with ex in the beginning, but then he wouldn't do it even as foreplay.
He is also a project manager, apparently [you won't catch me trusting the web that much].

So, we all have our possibly unfair criteria.

Mercury, on the other hand I've seen men claiming to be 50 wit pictures looking like 30. WTF?

entrepreneur sounds like a possible euphemism for something dodgy Luej

the camera never lies...but there are many versions of the truth:o

I find having more than one fwb helps me to be a bit detached, and it seems to be in the nature of that kind of arrangement for things to overlap somewhat

Well, I'm definitely not ready to commit yet, so will try to meet new people. Why do I feel slightly guilty about contestant number one, though?

Just had two guys stating they like my profile. What do you reckon?
A) 43, student, living with parents!!!
B) nickname Master Zeus. AND an Aries! And hates football and politics. Good, one would think, but actually is probably a turn off for me.

Ps. It's a bank holiday here, so I'm relaxing a home with DS.

I have also just realised that I have texted someone last night with the nickname I use on a different site. No wonder he hasn't replied yet. Doh!

No chance of me being a double agent ever.

watch I'm just about recovering from the withdrawal symptons, wrt lack of internet I've no idea what you can tell your friends, being vague will only work for a short while

snape sorry things are shit atm

Lueji off load as much as you want. Wrt contestant #1 it's probably because he seems to be making an effort. Remember though that you haven't promised him anything and owe him nothing. That may seem a bit harsh but so long as you don't 'promise' one thing while doing another you've nothing to be ashamed of, if that makes sense.

snape sorry all is so crappy re PM etc :( life really isn't very kind sometimes.

I'm just as I am really. Not happy, but having a horrible job I hate and no man even on the horizon sort of does that. No more abusive messages, which I guess is something, but not much else either. Have tried really hard this week to not be so fussy re men, but it's made no difference. I can't date men if I don't get asked on dates. The only one who has asked is that total prick who decided I was obese. No-one else has asked. Haven't heard from Mr Chicken since Sunday so that's a dead loss. And the rest, I exchange 2 maybe 3 messages and that's it, all goes silent.

Frankly I'm not sure if I will get another date again if this is anything to go by the whole thing seems UTTERLY futile.

Hatesponge,
maybe you could revise your profile? Is it attracting the men you want to?

Hi all - hope it's OK to jump in.

Very, very long time lurker, but finally joined MN. Read all your threads over the months - not 'cos I'm a total weirdo much, but because I'm in the same boat as most of you and looking for hints and tips etc.

I have a question. Initially, I've decided I'd rather have a FWB scenario for a while to help me get some confidence back etc, so I'm going to set up a POF IE profile making that clear. What should I say in it, and if when I get some responses, what are some obvious clues to look out for that suggest instant avoidance (other than cock pics, natch).

Is it unrealistic of me to hope that someone will agree to a drink or coffee somewhere first, or do people generally expect to get straight in there (as it were!).

God, I sound clueless. I am. Advice appreciated.

@Watch You obv. don't know me from Adam, but from following the thread, I have to say I feel totally thrilled for you. My instincts are that this sounds like the start of something big, and I hope I'm right :)

Lueji I'm not sure changing my profile will make much difference because I'm getting a fair amount of messages, but they're all just fizzling out after an initial exchange. I'm not really attracting the men I want to, no, because men I want to attract are ones who want to date me, and clearly none of them do.

Crikey welcome. As I've not met anyone who wanted to see me more than once as a FWB or anything else, I'm not really in a position to give any advice. Am sure others will have some helpful suggestions though :)

ah-crikey - thank you :) Time will tell i supose.... though its date 11 friday, and im very excited we are spenind the weekend together.
cant believe you have read all our waffle.

IE is quite good, i did a few at the beginning of the year - only agrred to meet those that were happy to have a drink or something first, made clear it wasnt agiven. Went for looks over anything else, because, well, if you are just doing the sex... personalitiy nor interests count for much.

Sponge - you might be expecting it all to happen to quickly. Its only been a few days, most men dont ask someone out after 2 or 3 messages, not usually within a few days ( unless its sex ) these thngs take time, dont race it, and dont get despondent over only a few days.... email mr chicken... send some messages, but dont panic just yet.

apols for typos, keyboard gone qqeird

Your keyboard has gone qqeird because of all the qqex. :)

hahahaha. ah, yes, the fault of the qqex.

im also going to blame qqex on teh state of my house, and my lack of concentration....

:)

i must say, as a long term singleton, it is rather bloody nice to have sex with the same person more than once. And is getting better and better, which im astounded at as i was blown away the first time. Id say we are pretty well matched, sexually. This is a rare thing. knocks the sink breaking out of the water.. :)

@Watch If I hadn't read through the "waffle" I reckon I'd have just launched myself into the dating world, had the same experiences as you guys have had and given up in total despair - with a major dose of depression for my troubles. Sort of know what to expect now - and I'm willing to put up with a lot of crap until I find my Mr Lovely.

Sponge Not going to pretend to I completely understand how you're feeling as I don't know you, but as an objective outsider, two things have occurred to me:

1. Whatever's happening it's not 'cos of the way you look. You've been described as "gorgeous" by someone who didn't know you could hear, so you are. Fact. Take that one to the bank and ponder on that side of things no longer.

2. So IF (and it's a big "if") there is a problem, then it's with them and not you. You are obviously intelligent and educated and some men (not all, but undoubtedly some) don't really like that because they are morons and don't like being reminded of it by a mere woman. Don't know what you can do about that except hang on in there until a fully evolved male shows up - and he will. Guaranteed.

Crikey
'Is it unrealistic of me to hope that someone will agree to a drink or coffee somewhere first, or do people generally expect to get straight in there (as it were!).'
good gracious woman of course it's not unrealistic, you call the shots!! :)
People can expect whatever they fancy but and man who expects you to agree to sex without a chance to meet him and see how you feel about him is to be avoided.

I always make it clear that I need to meet the person first and go away and think about it...if they try and put me on the spot too much about weather I want to see them again I'll be polite or evasive as the situation demands.
If necessary you can text afterwards and say sorry you dont feel right about it and you've changed your mind.

I haven't caught up yet. Will tomorrow. Just wanted a whine. My male friend has gone on a date and I should be happy for him (i am I am I am) but why do I feel so shit about it? I don't want more than friends nor does he yet we feel so sad when it looks like each other may find themselves someone? Grrr I don't get it. He is my male bestie too.

OMG some bloke has just blocked me on POF because I answered his headline question wrong

It was 'are you tired of kissing frogs?' I sent him a message saying 'yes am tired of frogs, what makes you any different?' he replied that I'm rude and to stop wasting his time what an idiot!

what a pompous twit, and what an un-original headline

Thing is, he sounded quite nice on his profile, you just never know

"I always make it clear that I need to meet the person first and go away and think about it" Yes, that's exactly how I want to play it, Mercury. How do you word that on your profile - or do you wait and tell them that once they've made contact.

Also - do you reckon it's OK to knock a few years off my age for FWB? Not just for vanity, but to attract younger more blokes to look at my profile? Will of course 'fess up when the one true great love of my life shows up, as I am sure he will.

I dont mention it in my profile, I tend to think that the nice polite sorts of men that I'm interested in would expect it to be the case anyway.
It's one of my 'tests' if he pushes me to agree to sex on a first meeting, I'm inclined not to meet.

I've never lied about my age, I'm mid 40's and get messages from early 30's onwards, sometimes younger.
I do stress that my photo's are recent and I make sure I only put (what I think are) flattering, without being deceptive, photo's in my profile.

Then again I'm not looking for the love of my life (waay to cynical about relationships & monogamy)

Nah, I'm not either in reality. Would like to think someone nice will show up eventually though - but in the meantime.......

Ah - interesting. 30 year olds....really? OK..so I'll try total honesty first (I'm 42) since it doesn't seem to be the problem I assumed it would be.

Going to get DS to take some pics of me then set up my profile next week. Maybe I could run it past you when I do?

I've done the whole soulmate thing. I don't expect ever to meet anyone I'll feel quite like that about, but I want a relationship, to fall in love. I still haven't give up hope I might get married, however unlikely it seems given I can't meet a man who wants to spend more than an evening in my company, but I still dream of a happy ending (too many childhood fairytales!).

Still nothing happening for me, just more messages that peter out, then I never hear from them again so no offers of dates. Not sure what I can do about that tbh if anything other than hope my luck changes - however unlikely that may be!