Dating, Loitering and Sofa Surfing, It's All Happening! Dating Thread 16.

[TimeForMeAndDD]

In continuation from previous thread:

Watch do not talk exclusivity until you have assessed the contents of his trouser department after the 5th date. Only after you have assessed the contents of his trouser department the 5th date do you decide whether or not the willy he is worth the commitment.

And yes, of course you go on Friday!! What on earth are you thinking woman! Today you were the BOSS of a coconut shy, a few of his friends will be nothing compared to that!

I've got to go make coffee, I've just watch Paying it Forward and I am in bits! BITS!

Hi ladies, long time lurker here. I absolutely love this thread and hearing all your stories and advice. It's given me great insight to online dating and i've learnt alot about myself through listening to your experiences. I don't think i'm ready for dating, the thought of going on a real date is terrifying! But I am actually craving gagging for a good seeing to some affection.
I haven't had an actual date yet but been chatting to a few men...i've had the disappearers, the forward ones, the ones that send a smile or flirt and don't follow it up and right now have a very over-enthusiastic one..he has told me he wants me to be his girlfriend after a few days of messaging and we haven't even met! He sent me some pics, seriously, how can one man have so many different faces, none of them look alike! I'm slowly withdrawing from him as his over enthusiasm is freaking me out.

I'm think i'm giving up on online dating, i'm just going to have to try and get out more in real life...and work on my self confidence and self esteem.
Just wanted to come on and say hi and thanks for such a great thread, I look forward to hearing all your updates!

Hi all. Long time no post. G'day to the newbies, good luck to you all and I hope you're having fun in your search for The One!

Watch, your "its not about standard lowering, its just about giving people a chance" is probably the most mature and heartening thing you've written on all of these threads.

Sponge, you were getting 10 messages a week? That's striking the motherlode! That level of interest in itself shows you have something that men find attractive. Your statistical breakdown of potentials to discards to disasters is probably quite good for dating sites. I have had one message this year. That's one for 2012. I used to send messages or flirts to anyone who seemed attractive'ish and/or interesting but as the years have passed I now just send one or two messages every month or so. I've been getting out a bit more and have met some interesting women, but of course they're all either married or partnered up, but I live in the hope that they may have a single friend lurking somewhere. Insha'Allah and all that.

Hopefully nothing I've said in this post is open to bring misconstrued but if it has as always I apologise. I shall return to lurker mode forthwith! :)

Welcome to the newbies :)

Tess keep posting. Even if you take a break from OD, or even give it up completely, (personally I'd recommend the former), you can still post your experiences and ask for advice on here. Btw, I'd back off a bit from Mr Too Eager, he sounds a bit too much too soon. If you want to continue with it then tell him he's coming on too strong and ask him to back off a bit, if he doesn't then you'll know to get rid as he'll have shown he has no respect for you and what he wants is more important. Whatever you decide remember you owe him nothing at this stage.

away re your date, do what feels natural, if you want to kiss him then do, it doesn't have to be a full on snog, it could just be a peck on the cheek. Keep in mind through your date that not only did you snog at the end of your last date but he also enjoyed it so he really likes you.

Poppa nice to see you again :)

Hi to all the newbies :) I love hearing from lurkers... Nice that our sucesses or not make you feel better about it all :)

Away, what chaotic said. And have a fab time.

Poppa,

So, Mr lovely is bringing his best female friend to judge me- make sure I'm not on my own. Nice of him huh :)

My phone charger has been broken, so after my Free!!! Haircut, I popped into car phone warehouse. Checked with the man I was buying the right charger, explained the pokey bit had broke and wasn't going into the hole no matter how much I fiddled with it.... Both burst out laughing, outrageously.flirted and left the shop with £45 worth of free stuff, he just took it off the shelf and gave it to me. He also has my number!!! LOL. How funny. Men are silly

watch

Sponge, how are you feeling now? I think some of the thoughts you're having are similar to how I've felt. I hate it when people tell me I'll meet someone soon - friends told me that when I was 31 and had split up with my lovely boyfriend. I felt like it was an easy get-out for them, to be honest. And sadly my feeling that I woudn't meet someone else soon proved to be right - I didn't have my next relationship until I was 38.

I also totally relate to what you say about feeling happier when you're in a relationship. My happiest times have been when I've been in a good relationship. And I honestly think most people feel the same - why else would people go on dating sites, get married, live together, etc etc? Of course there are people who are happier, or equally happy, on their own, but I think a lot of us want companionship, support, sex, affection, just someone to share things with on a day-to-day basis.

I can really see how the situation with Mr Doorman has hit you hard. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. But all I can say is that you sound great - you're intelligent, successful, funny, very attractive, have lots of friends ... I don't know why you're not having any luck with meeting anyone, and I wish I could give you some advice. Have you ever spoken to your friends about it and, if so, do they have any idea? eg, do you come across as not being interested in the men you meet, or are you so confident/attractive that men think you wouldn't be interested in them, or do you seem too keen to be in a relationship? Probably none of those is the case, but I'm just trying to work out why it's not happening for you. (It's easier to know in my case - I'm shy, flat-chested and over-sensitive, hardly a man's dream!!)

I hope you're feeling a little better and that you look after yourself this weekend with whatever helps to make you happier, whether it's friends/long baths/a good cry etc etc.

Sorry I've rambled on and on, but hate to think of you feeling so low.

Sponge - I am going to be brutally honest with how I see things, I am quite possibly way off the mark but these are my thoughts, just my thoughts ok?

You appear to hold a lot of weight on how others see you. You like looking young and being attractive but that isn't all you are. Sometimes you are very complimentary about yourself and sometimes totally down on yourself, this always coincides with what others have thought about you. You need to stop this cycle. We all have down days and up days and care what others think about us but to me, it seems this runs much deeper with you.

Dating - I know you are in London somewhere, so am I. I have to say, I find it easy to find attractive men on there (- not always easy to get chatting to them though) When you say there are no attractive men on there - what are your standards for attractiveness?? I'm thinking they are very very high. Which isn't wrong but I think these men are unattainable to the average women. In my experience, the model looks ones are actually arseholes, I don't want beauty over personality. Do you think you might value looks a little too much?

Do you still have your age set to a few years younger?? I think if you set up a dating profile again, you should be honest about your age. I'm 45, I will happily state I am 45 - because I don't look it. If I put 35 (which most people think I am) some people will think I look an old 35 iyswim. Most of the men I have had dates with lately have had the average age of 32 - my age hasn't made any difference.

I like the idea (Watch or time said it, I think) Go and date lots of men. Put your true age and lower your attractive scale. You can't tell what people look like from a photo. Some men look so much better than their pic and some look much, much worse. Give people a chance. Exchange a few emails, if they keep your interest, then they are worth maybe a coffee

BUT!!!!! Don't let them affect your confidence. If they don't fancy you, then that is fine, you don't think badly of yourself if you don't fancy someone do you??? So don't think badly of them.

I know I get high traffic as most of the time my profile is set to IE but I do switch it back to dating a few days a week. I've had dates from both. I am still in contact with 7 people I've chatted to over the last 6 months, so there are nice people out there. I'm not saying lower your standard but I do think maybe you should rethink some of your ways - the main one being not letting what other people think decide on how you feel about yourself

I really hope this weekend gives you your spring back

Awesome, awesome evening.
I shall do full run down in the morning. But amazing. I'm.all swooney.

Am glad it was amazing watch :) and am looking forward to the full details ;)

I am on a train going into London for my last day of marking and then will be driving back to York afterwards to go and stay with Mr Nice :) Never stayed at his house before as his DS has always been there but he is off on holiday today so am taking advantage. Will be worn out before I get there I suspect and even more worn out later on

Still find it weird how things have changed in the last couple of months or so - was perfectly content before but now feel even better. Am very much hoping it carries on like this for a while at least.

miranda - i think i know what you mean. have a fab day.

Im going to make no appolgies for this next post. Its going to be swooney and lovely and, well, ive/ we are mostly posting about how crap men are, and this makes a change, so im just going to bask in the glow of it. Besides i havent old anyone else about mr lovely yet... but i need to talk about it, because he was fab last night.

Soon as i got in the pub i was pounced on by a group of men. Literally, I handled myself ok, just. Mr lovely was watching, he wsa doing sound check so colnt come rescue me, and the men were being dicks really. But soon as he could he jumped off stage, came and put his arm round me, kissed me and asked me if the men were bothering me and if i wanted him to tell them to leave me alone. So sweet. He introduced me to all his band, friends, work collegues which was nice. And While everyone is all chatting hes standing next to me with his arm round me, or on the small of my back, just being all feely and nice. He told me i looked amazing etc... etc... kissed me and then went back on stage. um, yeah. He is AMAZING on stage. properly. There was someone from the local press who we were talking to and was like ' mr lovely is such a rock god' and really, he is. The pub was pumped, totally full, people dancing and singing, arms in the air, aging rockers doing status quo like dancing. And there were fans, people that travel round to see them, in paticular this groupd of women ( who i sort of knew about from bosses husband) anyway, they, and people picked up on the looks, winks, guitar pointing and song dedication.... then of course the set break, which was greta. no sex, pub was too busy, but just lots of hand holding and stroking and cuddling and whispered things in ears and kisses at the bar. Then all the fans sort of bombarded me to try and find out stuff, and who i was and what i was doing... and god, the women!!! talk about daggers, though some were trying to impress me with their ' band knowledge' of which i knew nothing, but i supose they assumed i did, i didnt give the game away. But then they were asking if i ws going to be at the next gig, and what mr lovely was doing next and how can they be in contact with him etc... etc....
End of the gig and we hung out a bit, having had sex with our eyes, we were both kinda desperate, so decided to load my car up with kit, go back to mine for the night and then id drop him home in the morning. But then he lost his ear piece, £350 woth, sowe spent an hour or so looking for that in the dark, didnt find it. It was 1:15 then, he wanted to go back at 8am to look in the light, i cant, ive got to leave soon and need to sort the house out for my friends visit. So i decided to take him home instead. And we snogged in the car like teenagers. I helped him unload his kit, which he was amazed at ( yay for strong muscles) and then we organised doing something sunday ( yes, 5 dates in 7 days)He tahnked me for coming, told it it meant lots and he hoped i had enjpyed it...
And when i got home i had a text that said ' thank you for being so remarkable, you rock, lots'

SWOON!!!!!!!

I am going to wear out the emoticon, but underneath that i am proper delighted for you. :)

Watch that's amazing.
Looks like you'll be walking on air today.
I'm so happy for you.

i am proper delighted too!!!
i have made no secret of my love for boys with guitars, but to see him on stage, leaping about, weilding a guitar, doing all the tecnhically hard solo type stuff, like slash from guns and roses, and people cheering him, yeah. that REALLY worked for me.
and then the fact that with all these people there, he was just with me. ME!!

Thats pretty cool, isnt it.

I have to say, im in danger of liking him quite a lot now.

and oh my god, hes just so attentive. Sorry to go on, i just cant quite believe it. But hes asking me if im ok, am i bored, do i want a drink, can he get me anything, can he hold my bag for me, just general nice things. And then hes telling me how fab i look ( i really dont) from compliments on my hair, and telling me how attractive i am, while being in a pub with a ton of people, and how he saw all the men look at me when i came in, and i was like ' i dont quite know why' and hes like ' have you seen yourelf, you are so attractive, you goregous woman' :) to whispered thigns about how he needs to fuck me and etc.. etc... insert rude whispered quietly in ears, while everyone else is talking and fingers are sliding under tops.

oh my god.

swoontastic.

Watch, for some reason I can't get this scene from one of my favourite music movies out of my mind. Pay attention from 2:08 onwards! :)

haha. No, it is all from him, im not some jealous, harpy im afraid rob.
I have no claim to him, but that didnt happen anyway. I dont need to be battering women away from him, because hes coming to me off his own accord.

Omg!!!! Last night I had a few glasses of wine and told mr workaholic to come over!! We slept together and went to sleep!! My dd woke up and came in my room!! She had never seen a man in my bed before! And asked who he was. She knows him by name so I told her who he is. And thought he should come and meet her today so that he's not just a man in mummy's bed!

But he said he has plans today and is saying I don't see why it has to be today?? Am I being unreasonable by asking him to come over today? And being annoyed that he doesn't care enough to come over??

I just don't want my dd! To think I just have people in my bed that she doesn't know!!!

God I'm such a mess

I'm due to be seeing my lunchtime snog friend this afternoon.
He's working this morning so don't know what time yet.

It'll be our first 'proper' date so I'm not counting any chickens.
So many times in the past couple of months I've got to this point for them to go cold on me and cancel at the last minute.

I just don't understand why people do that.
You've made a connection with someone text/talk/skype regularly, arrange to actually meet up then it all goes flat. WTAF

Now I've set myself off, sorry.
I will remain optimistic and will wait and see.

I'm so thrilled for you Watch it gives us all hope that things are going so well for you.

notsure - who is he, is he the fwb?
I cant remember - sorry, or is he a relationship?

I have no advice im afraid. How old is your DD?

I kind of think thats one of the worst things to happen for the child, Depending on the age of the child and what your relatiosnhip with him is, you need to work our what you are going to tell her and how you can go about making it ok.

hope it goes well child, you never know!

i hope it gives someone hope that something nice might happen to them, because fuck, ive been on a TON of shitty dates and have been at this for years and am a hardened cynic

Watch - I'm glad you gave him another chance he sounds lovely!!!

Its not fwb

mr workaholic I was seeing for about a year and a half, he always says he wanted a relationship but I shyed away because I dont think he is right for me in anyway!! We were very on and off! Last time I posted about him he came over to talk about us but just spoke about his self and his work and assumed we were back on again! But I told him no way!

Hadn't spoke to him for a month then he got back in contact and was talking rubbish saying he thinks one day we will get married etc!!!

God I hate him sometimes! How can he just say no I'm busy??? He could find a fucking hour out of his day!!

Dd is nearly 5!

He said he had boxers on and just woke me up!

But dd said he stood up and said " come here dd's name" I can't remember wtf happened!! God I feel terrible!

Also I was meant to see fwb tonight but dont think I can now coz dd was going to stay at my sisters and I can't let her now, as she will tell everyone about the man in my bed!!! And no one knows about mr workaholic!

Libby thank you :) I don't know why the whole door man thing has hit me as hard as it has, I think perhaps a combination of everything else that's going on, having turned 40 recently (which when I split with my Evil Ex was the age by which I thought Id be happily in another relationship with another baby - and of course I'm nowhere near that) etc etc. And the fact his gf turned out to be a very pretty model just made it worse.

But I'm ok now and over it, but it has reinforced to me how much I do want to meet someone. My friends don't understand why I haven't, all they can come up with is that maybe my job and being quite independent, confident (though Im not at all) scares men a bit (the sort of men I like it probably does!). My BF is determined to work out why I get attention but no dates, she has made it her mission for the rest of the year to get to the bottom of it and find me a (nice) man. SO we'll see :)

(and don't put yourself down, I'm sure you are lovely as you are, and the right man will appreciate that - shy is actually a very attractive trait to many men, and Id actually like to have less in the boob dept, running would be less fraught with hazard, my clothes would fit better and men might actually have a conversation with my face once in a while! You will find someone - as will I - who will, to quote my favourite film, like us just as we are :))

MsCello I think maybe you have the wrong impression of me, that I'm just looking to date a load of gorgeous model looking men, that's not the case at all. I think in the past I've said that there aren't that many decent looking men in my age range and local area, that's still true - I don't look as far as London because I am not in a position to travel around lots and in my experience most men only want a woman within a few miles of where they live...thats not to say if I get msgs from guys Id write them off instantly cos they lived in the next county, but they tend to lose interest once they realise the distance.

Anyway I have set up a new profile. With almost my real age (I've taken a year off). Results so far:

Messages from 9 men.

4 deleted immediately for being creepy/pervy or the wrong age (they were both early 20s)

Others as follows:

1. exchanged a couple of messages but he lost interest when I said I didnt have whats app...
2. as for 1 except when I said I wouldn't meet him there & then!

3 & 4 - not replied to them yet because no 3 cannot spell for shit, really can't. and I find that hard to ignore. And I dont think its dyslexia, I think hes just not very bright. No 4 is quite overweight and not at all my type looks wise but seems polite...I am trying to be less restrictive hence why Ive not just automatically deleted them both.

1. The Barbour Who is amazed that I am still single. Predictably, he finds me very attractive (and wanted to come round last night) but doesn't want to go out with me.

So there we have it!

PS - Watch sounds like you had a brilliant evening, v happy for you :)

watch but at the same time for you.

I told dd he was in my bed coz he was watching a film and must have fell asleep! And I went in the shower and fell asleep and forgot to put my pjs on!!! Silly mummy and she laughed