Dating, Loitering and Sofa Surfing, It's All Happening! Dating Thread 16.

[TimeForMeAndDD]

In continuation from previous thread:

Watch do not talk exclusivity until you have assessed the contents of his trouser department after the 5th date. Only after you have assessed the contents of his trouser department the 5th date do you decide whether or not the willy he is worth the commitment.

And yes, of course you go on Friday!! What on earth are you thinking woman! Today you were the BOSS of a coconut shy, a few of his friends will be nothing compared to that!

I've got to go make coffee, I've just watch Paying it Forward and I am in bits! BITS!

see, i've always accepted that i'm not generically, fantastically pretty (especially after three DCs have ruined my body, thanks guys) but I am generous, kind, sometimes witty, extremely intelligent, talented, fiercely loyal and generally quite lovely. If a bloke doesnt get that, he isnt worth my attention anyway. It's not me. It's them. Look at your good points sponge please stop being so harsh on yourself. :)

Watch* trouble is I can only go on lots of dates if I get lots of offers, and I don't, that's the whole problem. When I was on sites, a typical week might be maybe 10 messages, probably 3 of which would be crude so instantly deleted.

That would leave say 7, of which another 3 might be far too old/far too young (more than 15 years either way, which I think is too much)

So maybe that would leave 4 at best. And even if I messaged back every single one (I'd probably knock off another 2 on looks or height grounds but even if I didnt) at best one might lead to an offer of a date, which probably wouldn't materialise. So absolute best case, one date might result. And thats even with me not being fussy.

I also sent lots of initial msgs, not one reply.

Online I just don't get enough interest. I get more in RL, but they don't want to date me.

lubey I know what you're saying but I can't do it. I can't not care about it. Maybe if I was 30, or even 35, but I can't at my age.

And if that means Im doomed to be on my own forever, I guess that's that :(

snape - i knew you would like that! and i have to say i was super impressed. Its seriously refreshing
And yes, songs - plural!!! will be dedicated to me and he said that i should know that he will be thinking of me while he plays. bugger - sucker for boys with guitars.

Sponge - it is absolutley true what snape says, it is a trick. totally. I certainly dont look any different from monday, but damn, i feel different, i feel worshiped and womanly ( and i never feel womanly, ive always firmly felt i came under the 'girl' heading ) and amazing. And probably why the sex, which was to be honest, rather mind blowing tuesday, has got even better. he just tells me how gorgeous, and perfect, and sexy and womanly, and etc... etc... insert many, many compliments, i then decide i am, and then i feel amazing, and then the sex gets better.. and so it goes in a circle.
You felt fab at the weekend, people were complimenting you and doing so when they didnt think you could hear. because its the truth! dont let one man, who isnt even single, and hasnt rejected you ruin all that. Though im with snape on the glamour model thing, somone that found that attractive would not be for me at all, and you deserve more than that.

sponge I still think you need to build up your confidence. You saying you won't be truely happy concerns me, you need to learn to be happy being single. I'm speculating here, so feel free to ignore, but is it possible that your desire/need to be in a relationship is coming across to your previous dates and that is what is putting them off.

I do believe that you need to learn to be happy being by yourself before you start dating again, or at least content. I used to be like that, wanting to be in a relationship, thinking that there was something lacking about me, that I wasn't pretty enough. I'm not entirely sure I would have got into a relationship with my ex if I had had more confidence/better self esteem. I don't regret the relationship, because I wouldn't have my DC otherwise, but I'm not sure it would have happened otherwise. It was my ex who brought up the subject of us finishing, I didn't even have the courage to tell him I wasn't happy and didn't want to be in a relationship with him until he brought it up.

It was after we split up when I had to start doing things for myself that I gained my confidence and independence. I was so happy to be free that I had no desire to be in a relationship at that time. I concentrated on myself and my DC and got myself an education and I learned to be happy by myself. I still have things about myself that I'm not 100% happy about, my weight for instance. I mentioned it a couple of threads ago and I still can't get myself motivated but I'm working on it.

Sorry, that turned out to be more about me than you but what I'm trying to say is you do need to try and learn to be happy by yourself. Self confidence and being happy seem to make you more attractive to others.

Right, I'll stop waffling now.

sunshine - yes, it was an amazing thing to say, its just generally amazing. To have someone worshiping your body like that, lumps and all ( and belive me, there are plenty of them and im not some thin skinny minny) is amazing and has never happened. as you say, men all seem to want to re create porn and its all about them. this is all about me, he even said ' this is all about you, its all for you' :) and then when id cum about 7 times in a row and couldnt even see, he got me a pillow and wrapped me in a duvet, kissed my head and told me to rest while i recovered, so i just laid there is some blissed out state while he told me about moby dick ( because ive never read it) before going at it again 20 mins later. Its very nice, its VERY nice.

Sponge - that is alot of interest though, thats a lot of message for online. Ok - knock back the crude ones, knock back the 15 years either side, and then just do a coffee with the others, dont look at height , just ignore it, even for a few weeks. just try, what harm can happen if you give it a go? What you have done hasnt worked, so try. honestly, you might be surprised.

watch:am happy for you .
Sponge:hugs
Ive found myself back online,missed all those chats and messages n couldnt let that low life bring me down,i need to keep looking for that man.lol

I can be ok on my own, I'm not actively unhappy most of the time. I can muddle through, but I can't be really truly happy. I don't think I'm alone in that. I've spent years never getting beyond a first date or often not even beyond a snog. I actually think in the circumstances my confidence is pretty good. I go out a lot. I meet a lot of men. I get a lot of attention, but nothing EVER EVER comes of it. Same as on sites - less attention but same eventual outcome.

I know lots of people are single for years and years, but they're often not interested/not going out. I am and yet nothing happens. Look at the party I went to - I had a great time, felt ridiculously attractive all day, and it didnt make a blind bit of difference to that guy, he never asked for my number and didnt want to see me again.

Sponge I'm sorry you're feeling so crap. I'm one of those people who have been single for years and years...14 years this month to be exact... and I'm 39. I've spent that time sorting out my life and concentrating on my DDs.

Its only very recently that I've felt ready to meet someone. I had some really rubbish relationships before that and that is why I've not been ready, exh was jealous, controlling arse and DD2s dad buggered off to the other side of the world when I was pregnant.

From what you've said before, your ex wasn't great and may have knocked your confidence. Try thinking about what is really great in your life, DC, house, job, friends. Things really aren't that bad. This is not forever, its just a stage in your life that will pass. Things can change so quickly (hug)

Watch can you still walk? I think I'd need crutches after all that sex!

sponge - but he was not the sort of man you would have wanted to date anyway - all your friends said so. he was a frequent coke user! surely you dont want to date someone like that?

I do know what you mean about being happy, im happy :) have been for ages, i dont have any issues, like my own company, have a fab life, certainly not desperate for a relationship, its a fairly new thing that i have considered the prospect - i was just ' dating' before, and still, as you know, the thought of anthing serious is abit scary. So i dont totally go for the ' be happy and it will come' thing. And i think its ok to feel like you want to be with somone, it is human nature afterall, and the way society is set up... that people are in couples. And to have that intimacy and trust, and all those nice things are important.
BUT - all i can suggest is to change tact, which you seem really resolutley againist... and i cant work out why... because if you havent tried it, you dont know. You have nothing to lose, and possibly something to gain.

and as you know, i was the ' one date only' queen, and not to be rude, but i went on lots lot lots more dates than you. I had in the region of about 60 first dates that didnt go anywhere, thats a bloody high number, and it does lead to you questioning yourself. I havent done anything any different to get to the 7th date, ive been me, as i have with all the other dates, so, its not you and it was never me. it was just one of those things.

louder - my Ex did damage my confidence at the time. But I met someone after him, and was very happy, and he made me feel like I was the most beautiful person he had ever met. Sadly that didnt last, but it restored my confidence greatly. I am well aware that what I have in my life already is great, but it's not enough for me on its own, it never will be. As for things changing quickly, with the best will in the world, people have said that to me continuously for the last 4 years, that I won't be single for long. That it will all change really soon, and it hasnt.

watch I'm honestly not saying I won't try your suggestion, I just have mixed feelings, partly because I find the online thing a bit dispiriting, and partly because I don't know whether even being much more open in who I reply to etc it will result in more dates. That's not to say I won't try. Just I don't know if it will make a difference - because if you think well the more dates the more chance there is of a mutual attraction etc, it brings me back to RL and meeting men there is an attraction with but nothing comes of it. Like the guy from the party - who no, isnt relationship material, but it would have been nice at least to have been asked for my number.

also - can i just get a round of applause. DD is at her dads, just called to speak to her, shes on speaker phone and she tells me that ' daddy and his gf are getting married tomorrow and im going to be a bridesmaid'

I had sort of guessed, but didnt know. but, urgh. but im so good, i just said, well, thats lovely, be a good girl and have a lovely time. And then said i was off to see horseracing, drink pimms and watch a gig and that that dd would like that so i will take her to one soon, and dd asked about that. and that was that.

Phew.
kudos to me for being an all round grown up person.

sponge - the only difference being with online to rl, is that you know ( or at least assume) that they are definatley single and looking to actively date ( notice i used date, not be in a relationship with...), so you are both coming from the same place as it were.

Just maybe set a rule, reply to all that arent crude, or 15 years either way, and chat with all those others that send messages. A chat online doesnt equal a date. Dont look at the height etc... if you like the way the chat is, go for a quick coffee, and thats all. its a different tactic. You dont have anything to lose, so i cant see why it would be bad to try.

Sponge, if you're on POF you can change your message settings to restrict the age of those who message you. I've set mine to 3 years either side, but you can think about what you would prefer. That would stop those who are too old or too young.

I've just put some new photos on, I'll see if I last longer than the weekend on there this time :)

OMG!!! watch

He's getting married tomorrow and has got your DD to tell you over the phone.

Mind you my ex phoned me/the DC from Gretna Green to announce he'd just got married.

It'll be a nice day for DD watch and you can celebrate that it isnt you marrying your ex. An appropriate celebration would probably be a lot of rum and another six hours of sex buying yourself something lovely. :)

We will need to club together and buy you a motobility scooter...

Sponge, you didnt want to date the guy from the weekend anyway. So youve been rejected by someone you would have rejected. That cancels each other out. Thats actually a win! :)

yep chaotic - i had guessed, but i didnt know when. i was pissed off when i guessed, as he was the biggest fucker going and apparently should have never married me as he never wanted to be married. however, hes unlikely to be treating her any differently, and as long as dd has a good time buries thoughts about MY child being paraded round their wedding when her rubbish father couldnt keep it in his pants and was having an affair with this girl but whatever, its fine. he is and always be a dick. And i on the other hand am going to a gig, where this lovely man im seeing is going to strut around on stage like some kind of rock god, dedicating songs to me, while i cum in my pants. thats a better weekend right there! let alone tomorrow and my horse racing, mcfly letching, knicker throwing, and seeing a very dear friend. far better weekend :)

snape - ive always quite fancied one of those OAP mobiles :)

and sponge - re the weekends snogging rejection. do you remember when you were about 17/ 18 and you would go to the pub and end up snogging some bloke all night, and that was that, done, you didnt think anything more of it. it was just snogging because it was nice. Thats all that was, and thats fine, and lovely.

watch you've definitely got the better deal :)

;) though i am now feeling a little nervous at meeting all his friends and stuff. and having just checked the fb of whos going realise im probably the lest cool person there, and i shouldnt have had a bacon sandwich for breakfast.

AND - and this is my biggest worry. His best friend is my bosses husband. What if hes there. and then tells my boss, and then the whole office will know and, lord, thats could be embarassing, esp as i dont know what, if anything this is, you know?

ah, bollocks to that i just got this text
' cant wait to see you later, dont worry about anything, ill make sure you are ok :) and wear no pants, i want to fuck you between sets'

:) :) :)
rock on!!!!
lol

watch.

I'm jubileefanjo by the way. Gone back to usual name.

School friend is coming round tomorrow once my son as gone. He's been texting all week and we seem to get on well.

watch I would love a text like that

Yay for totally sexed out Watch!! Really glad you are having fun & awesome sex with MrLovely & he is probably going to take you over the speakers later!!!!!! Well done for being super cool about the ex getting re-married. My DCs were page & bridesmaid at my ex's 2nd wedding too.

Sponge - stacks of good advice here. I'm going to second / third / fourth what has been said, in that you have to be happy all by yourself. You are going to have to work on this. It is worth doing. I think you only half believe that you are great. Logically, you know you stack up - but there is some bit of you that doesn't quite believe it. I can't tell you how much I wish you'd read Susan Jeffers, Feel the Fear & Do It Anyway!!!!!

watch

I've been downloading photos from yesterday and cropping myself out of them so I can use them as profile photos when I go back on the website(s). As I was doing it, it occured to me that the last photo I had was from Coventry, early last year, and the ones before that the same. It seems I only ever have my photo taken when I go to Coventry

Hello daters, lurker here, popping in for some advice if possible.
So date three tonight with a guy i was set up on a blind date by a friend with. He seems lovely, not my usual type..although that is probably a good thing. Last 2 dates we have got very drunk on cocktails, tonight we are going for food. Any date 3 tips? So we didn't snog until right at the end of the last date..as in waiting for the taxi all very proper! Just wondering whether to greet him with a kiss today-or would that be a bit forward? He did send me a text after the last date saying something along the lines of 'bloody hell, glad we kissed, i'd been wanting to all night'. Slightly worried about the absence of or at least less alcohol tonight, i think we are both quite shy.
TIA :)

Watch sounds like you handled the wedding thing admirably :)

Post, I know what you're saying but I don't think it's about being happy or not, I know lots of people who were unhappily single and met partners, or who are happy and meet no-one. I was unhappy when I met my nice Ex, happy when I met the Evil one. But it still happened. I should have met someone by now, I go out a lot, and meet a lot of men, yes online ones are flaky but I have plenty of RL opportunities. The only possible reason for me not to get asked out - as has been confirmed to me by 2 people today - is there's something I am, or am not doing. I just have to figure out what it is. I know it's not how I look, there are lots of men in RL who fancy me, I usually have no problem in attracting attention. I just can't capitalise on that. Need to figure out why.

Have to stay late to make up the hour I spent crying in the toilets earlier, when I get home I will try, for a final time, with the online thing, I don't know if this time will be much different, but I can say I've tried. Will give it a month, and then...I don't know.