Dating, Loitering and Sofa Surfing, It's All Happening! Dating Thread 16.

[TimeForMeAndDD]

In continuation from previous thread:

Watch do not talk exclusivity until you have assessed the contents of his trouser department after the 5th date. Only after you have assessed the contents of his trouser department the 5th date do you decide whether or not the willy he is worth the commitment.

And yes, of course you go on Friday!! What on earth are you thinking woman! Today you were the BOSS of a coconut shy, a few of his friends will be nothing compared to that!

I've got to go make coffee, I've just watch Paying it Forward and I am in bits! BITS!

Sorry am de-lurking to send you a virtual hug hatesponge. I have posted a couple of times but not often.

And please don't leave the thread, there are plenty of people here to support you!

Take care of yourself!

The thing is Sponge, the best looking men go for the best looking women.

All your friends (both in rl and on the net) will tell you how wonderful and gorgeous you are and how much you deserve the best etc etc, but if you're not an alpha female, you're not going to get one of the alpha males.

Hard to accept but true.

I know that was harsh btw. But still true.

if you seriously believe that all of your life is fated, well there's nothing you can do about anything is there

alpha males are mostly socio-paths I'm sure :o

hang on a mo, hate's alpha
(ninah XX)

sponge don't you dare disappear!!!! Remember model doesn't necessarily mean happy... Perhaps he's just not right for YOU now, perhaps he's not right for you full stop!!

I know from experience I had a huge crush on a guy when actually sitting back and thinking about it the things he said / did did not make him boyfriend material at all!! Know it hurts now!!

feck sponge I'd be sorry for his gf, he's been flirting
you have good looks and good brains
I don't often post on here cos I'm kinda Post Men but hate, you're fab
it will happen
I promise, cos it's what you want, but make sure he's nice
I am so sure I will buy a hat right now

and lets not make the mistake of thinking that someones facebook profile gives a representative sample of their actual life!

wild bless you, I'm not an Alpha, though you are lovely to say so. Well, in intelligence terms I might just be (his gf may have the looks and the figure, and a good 10 years on me, but on FB evidence I could take her in a grammar and spelling test any day...).

I don't really think he has flirted, I think he's just been nice, in the way you are when you work in someone's house and want them to think you've done a good job etc. I so wanted to see it as more, but it really wasn't. Honestly why would it be when she's what he has at home?!

I dearly want to believe it will happen for me, but even your hat buying doesn't reassure me, it just seems so improbable :(

I didn't mean I was leaving the thread for good btw, just that I think I've probably filled it with enough of my misery and despair for now. I don't have anything to say which isn't self pitying or self centred.

hello all,

this thread is quite fast! Well I've only gone and got myself a date :) he's a mechanic and he's the same age as me, we were messaging since about wednesday then he gave me his number so we have been texting too. We're going out Tuesday evening for a bite to eat, drink and a chat, I love this chasing bit......

Sponge, I'm glad you did some facebook digging - it has saved you from going after someone who wasn't free. The model bit is irrelevant, so don't torture yourself with that! It wouldn't matter if is girlfriend looked like a pig - the point is he has one.
Nothing bad has happened & for a while you had an enjoyable crush on Mr Doorman.
And you haven't filled the thread with misery & despair - you are far too funny & self-deprecating for that!

Congrats Lubey on the love thing!

Sponge - , very seriously now. You being so deeply down on yourself reminds me of me when I left the dating scene to try and recover from how horribly it knock you.

I think some time out to focus on and look after yourself, and build your self esteem back up might be a good idea.

You can't date while you have an opinion of yourself that low. You are in self fulfilling and deepening spiral of negativity - get out, save yourself!

sponge, ah. Bollocks. I know its a huge kick to the ego, and so easy to turn it on yourself as you have done. he hasnt rejected you, hes just already in a relationship. ITS NOT A REJECTION OF YOU. ITS NO REFLECTION ON YOU. im shouting because you need to understand that. You have had a crush, hoped it might be more, and hes married with a child. Thats all. Its not that he doesnt want you, not at all. hes just a nice guy and married.
But when your ego is bruised its easy to take it personally, takea few days if you need to, but dont give up. You are doing everything right, and you are fab and at some point you are going to meet someone amazing. Promise. I maybe second what lubey says, if you have taken such a knock and are feeling awful, then a break is a good idea, build yourself back up again...

lubey, lubey, lubey!! you have gone to the dark side!! im so happy for you. esp at your ' presents from an actual man' :) :) :) bloody fantastic.

lol at all the ' gushing' he loves it. so, yeah. its all good. Last night was very very very good. We were meant to go to the park but crap weather kinda stopped that. and then we were meant to eat dinner and watch a film, but lots of sex stopped that. So - constant shagging for 6 hours. 6 HOURS!!!!!!! but my god :) Absolutley amazing. However he STILL hasnt cum. The plus side to his is 6 hours of sex. the downside to this is 6 hours of sex. I am fuct. I have bruises and i ache all over. 14 hours of sex over 3 days - bit of a shock to the system. Im going to his gig this evening, so bit nervous about that, but hes promised to look after me... so. And then we have vague plans for next week.

And i do have to say two things, firstly, i have never felt more attractive, or beauiful or sexy or anything, because hes just amazing, he, um, dont know the the word, but just pays attention to every part of my body, and tells me how gorgeous i am, or it is, or how amazing, or how perfect. and frankly im choosing to belive it. And even if nothing more comes of this, that in itself has been rather amazing.

Secondly, and the feminist in me loves this, so i need to say this. But i tend to go for the ' landing stip' or all off ( because its easier to do than a landing stip' When im on my own with no dates, it tends to be a bit more as nature intended. He told me i should let it be as it should, that its womanly, and glorious, and there is nothing better in the world that feeling it with your fingers or tongue... And im just like ' omg, thats amazing' though i didnt say that to him obviously, but 99.9% of men ask it to be shaved, from too much porn watching, and its really nice to have someone appreciate a womans body as it is. not as some pornised wank fodder.

I think sponge has deleted/hidden her profile on POF.

sponge I do agree with lubey. I think you need to come and join me, Time and Snape on the sofa for a bit and concentrate on yourself for a while. Take some time to build up your self esteem/confidence and then start again.

You're a gorgeous woman but no amount of us telling you that will convince you while you're feeling as bad as you do. I noticed the other day after you overheard your friend's husband? telling the other man that he should chat you up because you were gorgeous that your confidence seemed to go up. Nothing wrong with that, we all have our confidence boosted by compliments from others. However, I think you also need to find a way to boost your own confidence in a way that doesn't rely on other people to do it for you.

You're a lovely person, both inside and out, you need to start to believe in yourself.

I'm not on dating sites, haven't been for a few weeks. I can't take time out from dating, because I'm not dating anyone. I never do. You can't take a break from nothing. Men fancy me, think I'm gorgeous (and despite what I said, I know I am - I'm not a model, but I'm pretty great nonetheless), and yet they have no interest in dating me. Maybe I seem too keen? Maybe not keen enough? But either way the unavoidable fact is that I meet men in RL all the time but they don't want to date me ever. and until I can work out why, I'm never going to get what I want, and whilst I can meander through life feeling mostly ok, I won't be really happy. and that's about it really.

lubey really pleased that everything is going so well for you :)

watch he sounds better and better with each post

I'm shattered, I missed my first train home from Coventry yesterday, which meant I also missed the connection. It took me about 4 hours to get home. I left my house, yesterday morning, at 8.30am and got home at 8.20pm, I had a good day though :)

I am on a break from dating sites and think I probably won't be back on them for a while. I am spending a hell of a lot a fair amount of time with someone in real life but we are both healing (we have discussed this) and there is no rush at all. We probably won't end up together but its nice to be talking to someone I can trust and have a shoulder to cry on. Weird how old friends pop back into your life.

sponge you will find someone, just right now you need to regain that self confidence. Who needs a man? We don't, we just like to have one.

Sponge: As the others have said. The glamour model means nothing. My ex went out with a glamour model before me and I nearly drove myself insane wondering what she looked like, trying to find her, wondering whether I matched up in any way and generally being a needy arse. Then one day I realised he wasnt thinking about her so I was just wasting my time fretting.
Im still getting over the fact that a not so handsome man messaged me on POF saying "not for me thanks"...I can tell you I felt similar to you Sponge. I felt a fool that I had even thought for a second someone would find me attractive.
I am over that now. But it took a while.
I assume men judge everything on looks alone. If you are not a model (glamour or otherwise) you just dont measure up. I have to try and remove that thought from my head.
But it doesnt help when you have places like POF.
I am such a plonker...I am on a few free sites and on one I decided to take a leaf out of some of your books and ask in the womens forum for feedback on my profile as I dont get messages. Except I accidently posted it in the travel section. I am now so embarrassed to go and remove it or even log on...eeewww.
I have been messaging a fairly fit fireman who has one of those shark fin hairstyles that I am overlooking at the moment!
Watch: Its not drying weather.
Time: Im in your gang - not L word here!
MLM - Id love to be able to touch type. Im pretty duff.

Can someone please please give me a boot up the bum to get out only I am struggling today, cos I am quite poorly but have bills to pay. Really don't feel like going out.

Then the only thing i can suggest is to attack if from another direction. You arent dating, so dont feel like you can take a break from something you arent doing anyway. So then date, date alot.
Unless they are truely dire, have a coffee date, do lunch time coffee dates, short and sharp. meet as many people as possible, quickly, without tryign to work out if they are perfect or not, of if you might like them or not, just do it without thinking.
Doesnt matter if they are ' not your type' just give them a go, dont discount on height, or job, or hair colour, or anything, as long as they havent got 3 heads, a massive beer belly and cant string one sentance together, just do it.
A coffee is 40 mins and you might be surprised.

id give it a go if i were you, if what you are doing isnt working, and if you dont want to do nothing, a change of tact is as good as a rest.

Mr lovely is not alooker, really. Looks wise, yeah, i could do a lot better. But hes really nice, and i like his personality ( so far) and have had lots of fun and am on date 7 :) I could have written him off because looks wise hes not my type and then again i nearly did because he lives at home and that kind of bothers me BUT - if i had done those thigns i would have missed out some fab dates and the best sex ive had in years.
And its not about standard lowering, its just about giving people a chance.

sponge. Someone who dates a glamour model would put me right off. She might be a wonderful person, but that side of things would make me think she might be superficial and i dont find that attractive- i wouldnt find someone attractive who found that attractive. It absolutely isnt you- you've had a lovely crush and a bit of fantasy and thats quite lovely in its own right. Clearly the reality isnt quite so lovely, but life does that sometimes. Lets leave it where it is and move on. i think it is all confidence. When we feel lumpy and unloved we grow into that and it becomes a self fulfilling circle of lumpy unattractive doom. When i had the sex (remember?) i walked down to the pub after to meet PM & flatmate and i had a strut. People were beeping their car horns at me, i was Scarlett O'Hara and Marilyn Monroe combined. :). Its a trick. It's remembering when you felt confident (your weekend of gorgeousness!) and kidding yourself that you still feel like that. Even if you sit for five minutes a day in front of a mirror, find the bit about you you like best, concentrate on that bit of your physical aspect and remember how great you felt. :). Paul McKenna is good on this, also theres a good book, 'weekend life coach'.. Have a look on amazon, lovely.

I agree with a nice bit of 'you' time :). We need to be armoured, it can be rough out there. Think we might need a bigger sofa. I'll look on DFS. :)

watch i am now even more on your chaps side due to the fanny-topiary talk. Have best fun with your pantie-liners tonight. When you're there in the crowd and other women are looking at him appreciatively, I want you to chant 'i've had him, he wants me' under your breath.

Watch: That landing strip conversation is amazing and no wonder you are feeling so beautiful. Every man I have been with over the last 6 years has wanted it all off and basically attempted to recreate porn at home. How refreshing to know that some (well one) wants it as it is.
And the sex must be wonderful because you are in full abandon.

Sponge... it's that underlying negativity that risks becoming self fulfilling.

It will also be giving off vibes that you don't want to be giving off, whether you think you can hide it or not... I thought I could hide my thinking like that, but when I was dating and thinking like that, all I got was utter shit, and the same thing - yeah you're gorgeous, you're great, but rarely any second dates, and absolutely no thirds+

That old chestnut that gets rolled out is so true. I am horrifically sorry for seeiming to have proved it right myself, because I used to fucking hate it when it was said to me, and rankle, and think 'well I am happy by myself thank you so wtf'

But until you are truly comfortable and happy by yourself, and happy WITH yourself, you won't be attracting what you want, and what you want is unlikely to happen.

Thing is even when I thought I was happy by myself I was always on the lookout, always hoping. I was happy enough yeah but still had some underlying things there and was always on the lookout even when not on dating sites. And I don't know. There's something about that state of mind that's difficult to percieve and explain, but it's just not right.

Until I had some kind of epiphany back in Oct last year, and completely stopped doing that, stopped looking out and honestly didn't give a shiny shit about any of it, and took the time completely out, recovered my self esteem etc from the years of knocks in online dating... I don't think I had any hope of getting what I wanted.

I could strangle myself for saying that, because 1) until it happens to you, you won't understand what this brilliant thing is that I'm talking about, and how fucking amazing it is to reach that point, and how everything becomes clear and 2) because of how much I hated people saying it to me.