Dating, Loitering and Sofa Surfing, It's All Happening! Dating Thread 16.

[TimeForMeAndDD]

In continuation from previous thread:

Watch do not talk exclusivity until you have assessed the contents of his trouser department after the 5th date. Only after you have assessed the contents of his trouser department the 5th date do you decide whether or not the willy he is worth the commitment.

And yes, of course you go on Friday!! What on earth are you thinking woman! Today you were the BOSS of a coconut shy, a few of his friends will be nothing compared to that!

I've got to go make coffee, I've just watch Paying it Forward and I am in bits! BITS!

I have made a few new ones. With which I am spending tonight with one of them. I am being strong but by god its hard sometimes.

I am Chaotic, I very am! Even my ex used to look dead sexy when I'd had wine. When I changed my sheets for my second disastrous date, I kept looking at him, wondering if I could shag him, cos the wine had worked it's magic. Luckily the chewing gum he kept dangling on the end of his tongue kept me on the straight and narrow.

Time

Notsure I think less alcohol may help, even if you don't feel drunk at the time. I know when I've had even a couple of glasses I am much more likely to make bad decisions or sometimes even know they're bad decisions, get carried away with lust and think oh sod it (had cirumstances been slightly different I would definitely have ended up shagging that guy from the party at the weekend, even though earlier in the evening I'd been thinking to myself how I wanted to hold out for a proper boyfriend door man and give up casual sex...lust/alcohol is v powerful combination for me. That and a man of a certain build with a hairy chest ) I have seen some photos of him from the party since though and I am a bit cringey cos I remembered him being better looking

I don't so much get emotionally attached with ONS but my weird competitive streak means that even if I dont particularly want to see them again, I feel sort of a failure if I don't hear from them because it feels like I haven't won, because if I was 'the best' then they would have contacted me...!

I am a bit odd

Hello everyone,

This thread goes really fast! I've been messaging a few men on pof, when do you ask for number/meet? I don't want to sound desperate too full on

sponge I know what you mean...if I have a date I like to be the one to say sorry, no thanks. It pisses me off when its (unusually) them to say so, and I'll go after it till I find out why. Actually I only think that happened once. Guys don't usually say no, they all want some hope of sex after all, even if they don't want a relationship, so I'm not thinking its cos I'm so awesome :D

hoops the key is DON'T...wait for them to ask you. Nothing good EVER comes of chasing them, in my experience.

Thanks singlemum I'm very new to this, do you message people or do you wait for them to message you?

hoops I've never had any success in being first to message either, UNLESS they have viewed me first. Men seem to have a set idea in their heads what their type is and if you're not it you're wasting your time IMHO. But I have occasionally messaged those who've viewed but not messaged and this has led to a couple of dates :)

But mostly I sit and wait for them to message, but its a good idea to log on most days as guys seem to go for whoever's online currently or recently.

One tip - I also once asked about 20 guys who'd viewed me why they didn't message me and asked respectfully for their input on my profile. Men love to help a woman and I got some really good advice (and my improved profile is now getting way more responses) and also got to know some of them much better as well, one I had a date with, a few more are too distant (they cited this as reason for not messaging) but exchanged some lovely messages with them, some still pop by and say hi regularly :)

I have a meet with a nice fellow for coffee next Friday, he seems nice and we've been messaging for a few days, I think I'm going to have fun this time

enjoy hoops!

come back and tell us how you got on x

Single I cant help wondering what kind of advice was given by the men who viewed without messaging....? :)

Singlemum2012, it's interesting that you did that (asking guys why they didn't message you) as I'm thinking of doing something similar. I recently joined GSM and have 'liked' a number of men - and not one of them has liked me back! It's not exactly a confidence booster. I've been on dating sites in the past and met people, so don't know why suddenly no one's interested. Feel like giving up at the moment, but perhaps finding out where I'm going wrong might be a better idea.

mercury you mean their reasons for not messaging? mostly it was geographical distance, or because I had kids, or sheer lack of confidence.

They mostly all gave advice on my profile ie rearranging photos, best photo for main, leaving out anything negative, said my list of "things I had done" sounded intimidating (I've travelled a lot, they were worried about their wallets!), said there was too much in profile, a few bits sounded a bit cocky/arrogant (I had thought was being jokey). So shortened it a lot. Didn't put any don't wants / you must be this/that etc.

Libby what's GSM?

I have tried POF, OKC and Dating Direct.
In six months have not found anyone I liked on POF who was also interested in me, and I did give quite a few a go by going on dates. Dating Direct, a paid site, was even worse, only ever got winked by 50+ year olds and people with no photos. Finding OKCupid the best of the lost so far, and its still free :) Everyone's different though, my friend had no luck on OKC and much prefers POF.

lost? lot!

that sounds pretty helpful singlemum
also asking for advice on your profile is quite a good icebreaker:)

Oh and only 2 dates off Dating Direct in six months! I think it was 5 off POF and something like 7 off OKC.

It worked well...I waited till I'd got about 20 guys to ask though, to get a well-rounded opinion :)

I was really pleased by the response I got too, most of them were so lovely and helpful, it restores your faith in men that there are nice people out there.

Hmm, a rather short, all night sex.....seeing as ive just dropped him at the train station!!!!
Apparently he suddenly remembered he needed to sort stuff for his gig.... Unlikely I think.
So, no Eating together, lots of sex, leaves after. That's not dating is it...
I know this.
I came lots. He failed to. Again. Despite going at it for 3 hours. Wtf!!!

All in all I.don't think I'm going to do it again.

a little while ago I messaged with a guy who complained in his profile about lack of response from women on the site:
'enlighten me on what im doing wrong, sent many emails not much back'

Feeling kindly I tried to be helpful:
'You look good from your pictures, although I find the underwear shots and detailed descriptions of sexual preferences unnecessary.
I cant speak for other women but I avoid anything remotely rude with someone I've not actually met.'

he replied

'Hey i'v had the 15 yr relationship, kids, break up, Just having a laugh right now
Thought this site was the one where I could express my sexual preferences and naughtier than average pictures..thought it was all part of it, with sexy email thrown in and hopefully meet someone for the same! FWB....Other wise I would go on 'Match' and look for me next wife.'

so I thought fuck you sunshine...and good luck with that attitude..thinking you can call the shots on a site where there are about 10 men for every woman :o

I have found a similar pattern with the marathon sex session thing, the first time it's about 5 hours...then the duration sort of declines