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Original poster

Porn in the bathroom #2

221 replies

Stupiditysquared · 20/05/2012 12:25

You may not remember this, but over a year ago, I posted a thread about finding some pornographic pictures in the bathroom.

I haven't linked to the thread, because it went on for ages (until it was full) and got derailed by all sorts of mysterious twitter feed stuff.

Basically I found some porn pictures in the bathroom when I got home from work, and asked teenage DD if she knew anything about them I genuinely thought it was some teenage experimentation. Ultimately of course they turned out to be DH's pictures. This was a bit of a shock to me because AFAIK he didn't (a) use porn or (b) use that bathroom and (c) I didn't know that he'd been home.

It was an emotional weekend, tbh. DH was shouting at me for asking DD about it. I admit, before you flame me, that this was entirely stupid of me. DD shouted at him for being a pervert. It's all calm now, or so I thought.

Anyhow I was in the car yesterday with DD and we were giggling about something on the topic of bathrooms. DD then said she didn't like using the bath. There was something about the way she said it. So I asked her if she meant the bath generally or the particular bath in the bathroom she uses. She told me it was the particular bath in that bathroom. I asked her what was wrong with the bath. I pointed out that it was a perfectly nice bath. Quite new, fitted along the length of a wall, with candles and nice things, and a convenient shower attachment for doing hair ...

Anyhow it transpires that DD will never ever use that bath again because she cannot stand the thought of what her Dad was doing in that bath. She has in fact not used it for over a year. So now I am worried that she's got some kind of trauma. So erm, where now? I know that all teenagers are discomfited about the thought that their parents have a sex life. But this goes beyond discomfort, doesn't it?

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 20/05/2012 20:24

And why would you be 'discoveted' in a locked bathroom???

Dropdeadfred · 20/05/2012 20:25

Discovered *

Original poster
Stupiditysquared · 20/05/2012 20:33

Hi - the link to the original thread is here but it's an hour of your life you'll never get back.

I didn't actually confront anyone about it. I was planning a proper conversation with the DCs so my tone was measured. I just asked if they'd left any pictures in the bathroom. I was slightly shocked at the time, though and it all escalated from there.

OP posts:
HypercriticalOaf · 20/05/2012 20:35

I can't imagine ever, ever choosing to have a fumble in an area or room of my home which was considered to be predominantly my children's space.

I think you should find unbiased help and support for your DD.

MadAboutHotChoc · 20/05/2012 20:37

Can you tell us how this ended and how it was dealt with by your DH?

MissKeithLemon · 20/05/2012 20:47

How old is your dd OP?

Original poster
Stupiditysquared · 20/05/2012 21:00

She is 14 now. A point which will confuse people no end if they read the original thread.

OP posts:
MadAboutHotChoc · 20/05/2012 21:03

So you did not get to discuss this with DH? Just with DD?

Why not talk about it with DH?? I don't understand as it was him who did it...

(sorry do not have the energy to trawl through 41 pages of the original thread)

Dropdeadfred · 20/05/2012 21:06

So how has dd's relationship been with dh in the last year???
I would seriously be wondering why he chose that bathroom knowing its where his daughter bathes... Sorry but it is strange. It was a time you didn't expect him home, the house was empty and presumably the bathroom locks... So how was he going to get discovered?? I can totally understand your dd being repulsed

MadAboutHotChoc · 20/05/2012 21:07

And DD must have been 12/13 then...having kids that age, believe me, they would be traumatised to have been blamed for doing something like this and then finding out it was their Dad.

Not wanting to be sexist but the actual act of downloading, printing, putting up and then wanking off to these pics in a bathroom that is used by family members is not something I would think a 12 /13 years old girl would do.

No wonder she is having trouble getting over it.

MadAboutHotChoc · 20/05/2012 21:13

The other thing that struck me is that you did not say if your DH still has a porn habit. And also is he in the habit of popping home in the middle of the day...

AKissIsNotAContract · 20/05/2012 21:18

Ok I'm going to come right out and say what's on my mind, apologies if this offends you. Do you think there was any chance your DH was trying to groom your DD?

MadAboutHotChoc · 20/05/2012 21:37

Sorry to come back with more questions - what kind of porn was it? teen porn?

Also, I still can't get why you never brought this up with DH, were you afraid of the consequences?

I would be interested to know what the relationship between DH and DD is like.

I am sure you know what I am trying to say and that must be really hard for you to have to think about.

Dropdeadfred · 20/05/2012 21:45

First thread said it was pretty hard core ( spit roasting was mentioned). The op did discuss with her dh and he was unrepentant about the pirn use and livid that she had 'outed' his use of it to the dc. He refused to apologise to his dd

TiaMariaandDietCoke · 20/05/2012 21:48

OP, I'm sure your first reaction to any suggestion about your DH having inappropriate thoughts about your DD is 'of course not' - and you may well be right - I hope you are, and its a big leap from this one incident for anyone to make any assumptions (although I haven't read your first thread, so may be missing something)

BUT if the porn was teenagers or teenage-looking and your DD saw it (and even if she didn't) she may well have jumped to similar conclusions/had similar thoughts. The fact that your DH chose to do this in what she would see as her bathroom/her space and then has refused to talk to her about it, could leave her feeling very confused and vulnerable. This really needs to be addressed properly now, by both you and your DH with your DD

MissKeithLemon · 20/05/2012 22:31

I only asked about age OP as I think that at the age of 12/13/14 - anything of this type can be the most mortifyingly embarrassing thing Like ever to a girl.

Boys ime, might be a bit more laugh and get over it, but girls this age can be just devastated as I was when I found the copy of The Joy Of Sex hidden by my parents it took me years to get over the fact that my parents even had sex!!
That being said, I'm normal now, very open minded and not at all uptight, so she will get over it in time I'd say.

Also, how were you and dp regarding sex & relationships before this happened? My parents were very srtict, and 'rude' stuff was never discussed, all very uptight and I think thats why it affected me to find out they actually thought about sex and even had a book about it

Original poster
Stupiditysquared · 20/05/2012 23:21

I am absolutely sure that leaving the pictures in the bathroom was an accident. A complete and total accident. He was absolutely mortified that they were found tbh. He is a bit scatty with keys, wallets, coats, jumpers etc so it seems to me entirely likely that he would have left it there by mistake.

AFAIK he does not have a porn habit now not that he is admitting to, in any event.

I don't know if he is still in the habit of popping back unexpectedly. Not as far as I know.

The porn did not involve teenagers or anyone who looked underrage btw and no, the DCs did not see the pictures.

Back to DD, she is seemingly fine now. I will have a conversation with her about masturbation, that's a good idea, thank you. I think it was the revelation about the porn use that freaked her out a bit.

OP posts:
MadAboutHotChoc · 21/05/2012 07:05

Why did your H use the DC's bathroom instead of his usual bathroom or even bedroom? what was his explanation?

gettingeasier · 21/05/2012 07:26

Why did he refuse to apologise to your DD ? What possible justification does he have for that ?

TheShriekingHarpy · 21/05/2012 08:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheShriekingHarpy · 21/05/2012 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dropdeadfred · 21/05/2012 08:14

Shrieking harpy??? Really??!!!

MadAboutHotChoc · 21/05/2012 08:22

Yes but the fact that he chose to do those icky things in HER bathroom rather than in his private space is a concern.

OP - I get the impression that you are holding back as you haven't answered questions about your H's reasons for choosing this room, his refusal to discuss or even apologise.

Iggly · 21/05/2012 08:31

How do you accidentally leave porn down the side of a bath that you never use? Hmm

Of course your DH was mortified. He'd been busted.

I feel sorry for your dd TBH. She's trying to tell you that it bothers her, her dad hasn't apologised to her which he should.

ComradeJing · 21/05/2012 08:36

I remember your thread from last year OP.

There is a huge world of difference between having sex/masterbation and viewing porn. Sex/self pleasure - assuming it is going on between consenting adults - is perfectly normal and natural.

Viewing porn, otoh, is something many grown women find revolting and unacceptable. Why should this child find it any different?

I would be livid if my DH entered a space that was predominantly used by my children to wank (with or without porn). It's just not right.