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Original poster

Porn in the bathroom #2

221 replies

Stupiditysquared · 20/05/2012 12:25

You may not remember this, but over a year ago, I posted a thread about finding some pornographic pictures in the bathroom.

I haven't linked to the thread, because it went on for ages (until it was full) and got derailed by all sorts of mysterious twitter feed stuff.

Basically I found some porn pictures in the bathroom when I got home from work, and asked teenage DD if she knew anything about them I genuinely thought it was some teenage experimentation. Ultimately of course they turned out to be DH's pictures. This was a bit of a shock to me because AFAIK he didn't (a) use porn or (b) use that bathroom and (c) I didn't know that he'd been home.

It was an emotional weekend, tbh. DH was shouting at me for asking DD about it. I admit, before you flame me, that this was entirely stupid of me. DD shouted at him for being a pervert. It's all calm now, or so I thought.

Anyhow I was in the car yesterday with DD and we were giggling about something on the topic of bathrooms. DD then said she didn't like using the bath. There was something about the way she said it. So I asked her if she meant the bath generally or the particular bath in the bathroom she uses. She told me it was the particular bath in that bathroom. I asked her what was wrong with the bath. I pointed out that it was a perfectly nice bath. Quite new, fitted along the length of a wall, with candles and nice things, and a convenient shower attachment for doing hair ...

Anyhow it transpires that DD will never ever use that bath again because she cannot stand the thought of what her Dad was doing in that bath. She has in fact not used it for over a year. So now I am worried that she's got some kind of trauma. So erm, where now? I know that all teenagers are discomfited about the thought that their parents have a sex life. But this goes beyond discomfort, doesn't it?

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 21/05/2012 22:53

I can't be arsed with you anymore op. your marriage is a joke. When you get to the punch line let us know.

MaybeADHD · 21/05/2012 22:58

why don't any of you beleive him?

AnyFucker · 21/05/2012 22:59

Believe him about what ?

AnyFucker · 21/05/2012 23:00

The facts are bad enough. The facts are not in question. What else is there to "believe" ?

PooPooInMyToes · 21/05/2012 23:16

Why wouldn't he take your kids to school?

How did he steel your cycling hobby and the family time?

MaybeADHD · 21/05/2012 23:16

sorry I got mixed up with a diff thread about prostitutes!

Original poster
Stupiditysquared · 21/05/2012 23:31

ROFL MaybeADHD

Well in the five years I've been on MN I've posted three threads about DH - this being the third (which is more of a continuation of the first). He is guilty of many things of course, but stealing my cycling hobby is not one of them. How do you steal a hobby, anyway? I'm intrigued.

So I think I should say well done for detecting a theme. Nothing gets past MN.

DD is in no way going to be scapegoated. I'd like to see anyone trying to scapegoat DD, tbh. They wouldn't succeed. Two of the things I really love about DD is how verbally dextrous she is and how relentless she is. She pursues her point relentlessly until you concede it. The wilfulness I referred to is part of her character, but is not the part you will have seen from this thread.

I think I have taken some action at least, and thank you all for your time and your patience.

DD is fully talked through the issue, I think. I'll keep checking to see if she really is okay. There'll be no Porn in the Bathroom #3.

OP posts:
Nyac · 21/05/2012 23:48

But you still haven't dared to talk to your husband.

Ugh.

OxfordBags · 21/05/2012 23:53

You know what's sad? I can predict what's in your daughter's future, OP. She's going to keep protesting about the FACT that her father is a creepy freak who gets a kick out of trangressing boundaries and protesting because no-one else can see this and she needs you to protect her and you refuse to. People are going to keep treating her like she's the one with the problem because she rightfully can't and won't sweep it sll under the carpet. Eventually, she's going to stop protesting and you'll feel relieved that she's got over that silliness, etc. But then she's going to start acting out. Could be drinking, smoking, unsavoury new friends, staying out way past her curfew, sleeping around, dodgy facebook pics of herself, schoolwork and grades slipping... Any of those. You'll put it down to her age and hope she gets over it. She may well will. But then, she'll start getting involved with dodgy blokes. She won't have great personal boundaries and might find herself in unpleasant sexual scenarios where she can't and daren't say no or stop. Men will use her. Her serious partners will be overbearing and possessive. She will seem unable to stand up for herself...

Need I go on? Your daughter's reaction is normal and healthy and her parents are not. She won't stop protesting until things change. There are only two options: address it, attend to her needs, bloody do something OR let her come to believe that she is not allowed to have and is not worthy of having sexual and personal boundaries regarding males and that she is not worthy of protection and her needs and rights are unimportant. This is how women who accept abuse are created. It is very serious that important things happen for your daughter here. Surely she matters more than your fear of rocking the boat?

AnyLFucker · 22/05/2012 00:04

You haven't put your husband straight though. You are still acting like your dd is the problem.

This is his doing, not your daughter's

Why won't you tackle your husband ?

why have you never answered that question ?

AnyLFucker · 22/05/2012 00:04

The only way there won't be a porn in the bathroom #3 is if your husband decides not to do it again

Margerykemp · 22/05/2012 00:20

Why are you prioritising your DP over your dd?

Exposing under 16s to porn is legally child sex abuse and you have enabled this. Shame on both of you.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 22/05/2012 02:07

The child did not see any porn. Op found it.

Poulay · 22/05/2012 04:17

It's not clear if the child saw any porn.

The OP said she asked her daughter about the porn.

Whether she said 'is this yours', waving the pic under her nose is not clear.

But I would have thought you could ask someone 'did you leave some pictures in the bathroom' without saying 'did you leave hardcore pornography in the bathroom'

She had a 13-year-old son, a 14-year-old daughter, and a husband, and she asked the daughter straight out if she left her porn in the bathroom? WTF?

I don't understand why the son wasn't the first port of call, if not after the husband. Seems quite a strange attitude to the likely habits of a 13-year-old boy, quite independent of what the husband is doing,

AnyLFucker · 22/05/2012 07:01

The children did not see any porn pictures

Despite the best efforts of the husband

It was pure chance that OP found them first

BettySwalloxs · 22/05/2012 07:59

Without replicating the infamous Paxman/Howard interview here, OP, will you now challenge your DH on this once and for all?

Quite why he can wank when patently he has no balls is anyones guess.

Nyac · 22/05/2012 08:23

Her dd did see pornography. She went through her father's internet history to see what he'd been looking at after the event. This was because her mother was too cowardly to do this.

The OP called it "integrity" that she was going to run and tell on her daughter to her husband. She hasn't answered whether she actually did this so I'm assuming yes she did.

I still don't understand what this thread is about apart from displaying her "wilful" denial to the world. Because it isn't about helping her daughter or dealing with the dysfunction that her husband is bringing to the family.

Nyac · 22/05/2012 08:26

Agree though, that the father most definitely tried to expose his children to pornography. And then we're back to the grooming possibility. Which the OP won't talk about. Given the level of denial she's working with I'm beginning to see it as more of a possibility than the last time.

MadAboutHotChoc · 22/05/2012 08:46

She went through her father's internet history to see what he'd been looking at after the event. This was because her mother was too cowardly to do this.

That is really shocking Sad the whole situation is even more fucked up than I thought and I now feel really sick, no child should have to do this and exposing a child to porn counts as sexual abuse Sad

OP - please tell us that you are going to challenge your DH now.

Houseofplain · 22/05/2012 09:10

She won't. It's like the last thread. Which is why I don't think many people care for the op or what she does. They are more interested in the damage being done to that poor girl by both parents fucked up boundaries and actions.

She didn't listen last year, she won't know. He's either one nasty bully or has a golden cock which blinds op with its shininess.

susiedaisy · 22/05/2012 09:14

house spot on!

AnAirOfHope · 22/05/2012 09:39

Its the behaviour of the OP that worries me the most. there is something i just cant put my finger on about the respones to all of it. if someone tried to say my husband was grooming dd i would shout no he isnt, he loves her respects her and would die for her he has her best inhreste at hreat and he respects her boundraies. But the OP is not deniying it!

also who lets a child look for porn? its the parents relastionship the child has nothing to do with it and should have been stoped. Then to grass on your own dd is even more fucked up.

Its almost like the op is not a wife!

AnAirOfHope · 22/05/2012 09:42

is there a link to the airport thread? or the title so i can read it?

Chubfuddler · 22/05/2012 09:45

She posted the airport thread under her usual posting name, so I would imagine linking to it would get deleted. I got deleted for saying her usual name last night.

SweetTheSting · 22/05/2012 09:49

Dear OP

Your Dd is not wilful, sparky etc . Well, she may be but that is not the point.

She is on your side. She thinks that there ARE sides between you and your DH and she has picked yours. The fact that you don't think you are on a different side to your DH is baffling to her.

She feels he is treating you badly (screaming at you about a mistake which was actually the result of some reasonable assumptions by you and a BIG mistake by him). She feels he is ignoring your opinions about porn (the fact you have explained your views to your DS means she is well aware of them). She knows if the pictures had belonged to DS (or to her) there would have been consequences of some kind (a talking-to, an apology requested etc). She has seen NO consequences for your DH. She sees this as unfair and also as disrespectful to you. She cannot understand why you aren't angry in the way she is.

Does any of this ring true with you?