Porn in the bathroom #2

[Stupiditysquared]

You may not remember this, but over a year ago, I posted a thread about finding some pornographic pictures in the bathroom.

I haven't linked to the thread, because it went on for ages (until it was full) and got derailed by all sorts of mysterious twitter feed stuff.

Basically I found some porn pictures in the bathroom when I got home from work, and asked teenage DD if she knew anything about them I genuinely thought it was some teenage experimentation. Ultimately of course they turned out to be DH's pictures. This was a bit of a shock to me because AFAIK he didn't (a) use porn or (b) use that bathroom and (c) I didn't know that he'd been home.

It was an emotional weekend, tbh. DH was shouting at me for asking DD about it. I admit, before you flame me, that this was entirely stupid of me. DD shouted at him for being a pervert. It's all calm now, or so I thought.

Anyhow I was in the car yesterday with DD and we were giggling about something on the topic of bathrooms. DD then said she didn't like using the bath. There was something about the way she said it. So I asked her if she meant the bath generally or the particular bath in the bathroom she uses. She told me it was the particular bath in that bathroom. I asked her what was wrong with the bath. I pointed out that it was a perfectly nice bath. Quite new, fitted along the length of a wall, with candles and nice things, and a convenient shower attachment for doing hair ...

Anyhow it transpires that DD will never ever use that bath again because she cannot stand the thought of what her Dad was doing in that bath. She has in fact not used it for over a year. So now I am worried that she's got some kind of trauma. So erm, where now? I know that all teenagers are discomfited about the thought that their parents have a sex life. But this goes beyond discomfort, doesn't it?

Oh my god your pm's got put on twitter!? That's horrendous! Did mn do anything about that? Could they do anything? What a betrayal of trust and invasion of privacy! That's awful! (scared that might happen to me!)

So has your husband ever apologised? He really, really should! He needs to accept the responsibility here.

Im not surprised your daughter feels the way she does, its very icky. I have no trouble sharing the bath my husband wanks in but not my dad. I mean that's probably happened at some point but i don't want to know about it!

For gods sakes, he was in a bathroom in the house, not the bloody nursery!

As none of us other than the OP know the layout of her house, maybe that bathroom was where he thought there was more chance of him not being disturbed, or if anyone came home unexepectedly he would hear them... I very much doubt that the fact his kids used that bathroom crossed his mind.

Some teenage girls can be drama queens. The daughter in this thread did not discover her father having a wank, nor did she walk in and find the pictures either. The daughter ended up shouting at her father that he was a pervert. Is it any wonder he doesnt really feel comfortable discussing it any further with her?

I disagree Squeaky. If a woman went into her child's bathroom surrounded by her child's things and pleasured herself (with or without vibrators or porn) I - and I hope many others - would give the same response. It's just not fucking right.

If, otoh, a child found her mums vibrator in the mum's sock drawer or bathroom then I would give the mum my full sympathy.

As none of us other than the OP know the layout of her house, maybe that bathroom was where he thought there was more chance of him not being disturbed, or if anyone came home unexepectedly he would hear them...

But we do not know this - OP has not answered the question as to why DD's bathroom was chosen....

It is perverted to go into your own children's bathroom to wank to pornography. No ifs or buts.

Oh I remember your thread, I am also not surprised about your dd. I don't think she is being precious, if it's hurt her, it's hurt her.

I also think the Dad is pretty odd and quite disgusting. I just can't imagine going for a wank or having a quckie in spaces which are intimate to my children and surrounding me are all their things. Bathroom, bedroom, playroom. It's just ick and really wrong. It wouldn't even enter my head to tbh. Least of all leave muck like that for your dd to potentially find. I'm not surprised people think its off, it is.

On the other thread he said that he went in there because he fancied a change of scenery. Yeah, right.

Wanking to the sight of your children's toothbrushes, towels and flannels. Very erotic.

totally disagree squeaky. he chose that room, he ran himself a bath in it (despite never usually using that bathroom), he selected and printed out porn to take in there, he came home secretly in the middle of the day to do this. is that how the average person goes about having a spontaneous wank? or was it a ritual? does it sound 'just happened' or does it sound like a planned, elaborate, sexual experience?

if i want a wank i have a wank - if i'm in the house on my own i don't need to go make a huge ritual out of it printing out porn and going in my dc's bathroom to have it.

why would he choose their bathroom? why go to all that elaborate bother? unless their bathroom is exactly where he wanted to be because it was part of the wanking experience - he wanted to have his wank in his dd's bathroom - he went to a lot of trouble over it.

the op knows it's dodgy. her dd knows it's dodgy. her dh knows it's damn well dodgy hence the defence by attack and refusing to discuss it.

it was not the daughters bathroom.

it was a bathroom in the house that the daughter uses rather than the other bathroom which she doesnt use, but it wasnt specifically HER bathroom

If this had happened in her BEDROOM, then my opinion would be very different, but it didnt.

I think all the OP needed to do when her daughter said she didnt use the bath because of the "thought of what her dad did in it", would be to say that her Dad was utterly embarassed by what he did, but that what he was doing was not perverted, nor was it particularly odd. She is a teenager, she is old enough to understand that her parents are going to have sex, are likely to masturbate, and masturbation itself is not perverted. By all means stress that he was an idiot for leaving behind the porn, but she is 14, and I would be very surprised if porn was not discussed by her peers at school, and passed around on mobile phones. There were no mobiles when I was at school, but there was still hardcore porn, and as teens we saw it, we giggled about it, and we knew it existed.

You say on your other thread that your daughter has an ensuite and there is also a main bathroom. Which one was it in?

I totally disagree Squeaky, would you use the same justification if he had been wanking in his daughters bed rather than his own?

The problem is not that he was having a crafty wank, it is that he was doing it in his daughters space and left porn in that space. WTF, how can anyone make this into anything remotely normal?

All adults should be free to wank away, but do it your own sodding space, not your childrens.

I actually think it would be far less damaging if she had actually caught him having a tug in his own room.

If I ived at home now I would be pretty disturbed if my Dad chose my bedroom to knock one off rather than his own. Just WHY, why would you?

Much cross posting, sorry, am very slow typist.

You are splitting hairs tbh toy. We have two bath areas. One is ours. One is the kids. We just see them as an extension of their room. They are their areas. In OUR house or not. When I asked my hubby about this last time we were both just wouldn't even entertain us to shag or wank in their bathroom. It's their area like their bedrooms.

The way you are trying to argue your point, the bedroom thing is the same. Why feel different about the bedroom? Both are areas of the house designated for her use only and are deemed "her" areas and not used by the adults. So no difference.

he deliberately chose the space she uses. he printed out porn so that he could take it into that space. he planned this. and you honestly just a wank like any other wank?

bizarre.

No it is not specifically her bathroom but it is:

"between the DCs rooms and they use it"

That makes it the DCs/her bathroom as far as I can see. I would bet my left leg that it is filled with the kids shampoo, face wash, towels, DDs make-up, hair straighter etc. Just in the same way the bathroom my DD uses has her toothbrush etc in. It is obviously her space and not an adult space. I'll also bet that the family refer to it as "the kids bathroom."

A very weird place to have a wank IMO.

honestly think it's just a wank.

On the other thread he said that he went in there because he fancied a change of scenery.

Even weirder - if it was a crafty wank, you wouldn't care about the scenery esp if you had porn in front of you.

This comment suggests it was planned and thought out in advance then. He chose this room knowing it was DC's space and that he would be surrounded by DC's stuff....

Op. Sorry to keep asking questions when you haven't even had the chance to answer my last ones.

Was just wondering, has your husband ever done other things which show a lack of boundaries?

I don't know if it's with discussing to this level anyway, I think the op has her beliefs about her husband and may listen to advice about how to approach dd, but imo the op has resigned any concern over her husband as a year has passed since a thread where posters were making these kinds of observations and going ignored.

Unfortunately I doubt any level of convincing to the contrary will help, op has made heer decisions on that subject.

Making DD feel validated and comfortable enough to bring forward any other concerns she may have is the only constructive advice anyone can give that the op will listen to.

Although I, like everyone else, think there's something very unusual about it, there's nothing any of us can do unless the op changes her stance.

Indeed baby. But the ops inability to understand these concers and probably why the dd is on edge for good reason. Is the answer to why the poor girl is still suffering a year on. Dare I say op has put her husband and their relationship before her own dds well being. Really getting to the crux of the issue at the time, with compassion, understanding and help for her dd.

Remember the first person she blamed was the dd, rather than the dh. She has chose to sweep it under the carpet rather than help her dd. Husband before dd, no wonder the dd has issues tbh.

Bathroom arrangements are as follows:

DD's room has an en-suite which is quite small - has loo, shower and washhandbasin. She tends not to use the shower there because it is quite small and not particularly powerful.

The bathroom has a bath, much bigger shower, loo and washhand basin. It is located between the DCs bedrooms and it is the bathroom that I and the DCs tend to use. It works because we use it at different times. Me in the mornings and the DC in the evenings. My toiletries are in there as are the DCs, although DD's makeup is all in her own bathroom

Our bedroom has an en-suite which is slightly larger - has loo, bath and over-the-bath shower and washhandbasin. DH uses this room and all his toiletries are in there. He tends to shower in the mornings.

It's just evolved like this. The bathroom that DH used was not her exclusive bathroom, that would indeed be odd. I have asked him again why he used that bathroom and he said it was because it was the nicest bathroom with a slightly bigger bath. Which is true.

Also (although DH has not mentioned this) our hot water system is a bit eccentric. We have two boilers. The combi runs the main bathroom and downstairs barring the heating. The main boiler runs the heating and the rest of the plumbing upstairs. During the middle of the day, there might not be any hot water in our ensuite.

I really don't think there is anything sinister in it. I doubt I am in denial - the scale of his absolute fury at my even mentioning this to the DCs had to be seen to be believed.

He's not apologised to DD or talked it through with her because he's mortified. He left it to me to do the explaining and apologising because in his mind I was the one stupid enough to raise it with the DCs and expose them to this issue therefore it's up to me to resolve it.

I was the one stupid enough to raise it with the DCs and expose them to this issue therefore it's up to me to resolve it.

I don't think parenting works like that!

What would he do if you said no? It was your porn your wank your dd you sort it out?

Are you ok with him looking at porn? How is your sex life? Would he be ok with discussing sex and wanking together with you to yout dd?