Getting a bit fed up of dp and his weed :(

[GetTheeToANunnery]

He promised before we had ds he would stop smoking/cut down. 2 years on and he's still smoking every day :(
I've tried making comprimises by asking he at least doesn't smoke during the day due to ds being around, this works for a couple of weeks and then it's back to normal again. I tried saying fine, you can smoke up to 2 spliffs a day and then however much you want on an evening. Again lasts a couple of weeks.

Today we went out to a kids birthday and now he's gone off out with his jar of weed to the pub.

He smokes so much and has done for years, he's not your average stoner. Runs a very successful company, not lazy etc. I don't think he'll ever give up :(

I also smoke a couple of spliffs a night, have done since I met him. Would love to give up but it's so hard while he's smoking every chance he gets.

I've threatened loads of times to leave over it, sick of making threats now though. What should I do?

You should look at this with a cold eye (as I am doing) and you may come to the conclusion that your son's father is a drug addict.

You can't stop him using drugs, but you certainly have the option to stop your Ds from having to grow up around it.

I personally know a couple whose children were placed in care, and have been kept there for 9 months, because they won't stop smoking weed.

Your son is getting close to the age where he's going to start picking up paper at playschool and pretending to skin up with it. The staff will notice, and they will call the social services, who will consider your son to be at risk.

Your son is living with a drug addict - what are you going to do about it?

I don't know what I can do. I love him so much but this is seriously pushing us apart. Even if we did split ds would still see it whenever he sees his dad. I don't think I would have a problem giving up as have gone weeks without it before,I just need it not to be waved around in my face. Dp can't even go 12 hours without.

That's really bad isnt it. Just looked at it the same way as you colditz

No, your son doesn't ever have to see it again, because you make his go through a contact centre, as you have excellent reason to believe he will use drugs whilst caring for your son, and therefore contact needs to be supervised.

Please hear me. There is a very real risk you could lose your child.

My 'acquaintences' children - they are now 4 and nine months old. the baby has never lived with his parents - he was taken straight from hospital.

Colditz, OP is a drug user too.

OP, maybe if you were both serious about stopping smoking drugs you could manage it.

Also, I dont buy the "I only do it because he does" line because I know many people who have a partner who smokes spliff and they dont themselves.

Re-read what colditz has written here.

You enable your man by being with him. Not properly following through on any threat to leave loses all its power; he knows you do not mean what you say because you always stay or have done to date.

You love him yes, but he loves weed more than you and your child. Put you and your child first now.

You have a choice re this man; your son does not re living with a drug dependent man. You do not want your son growing up in such an environment.

Op, only uses in the evening, but OP's partner uses all day. And that is the issue.

OP, you need to stop using weed, because you are the only real adult in your house, and drug use is not a luxery single parents have.

You certainly will never become free of weed yourself if you continue to be around a man who smokes weed all the time.

Is this really the life you want or deserve for you and your child?

How much filt money are the pair of you wasting on this??

And does he drive?

What on earth would you do in an emergency in the evening/night if you're both stoned? What if DS needed urgent medical care?
It's really not on for either of you to be using drugs with your child in The house.

I dont even understand how you can even ask him to stop, as long as your are also a stoner.

I don't really get stoned tits, sharing 2 spliffs on an evening keeps me more in control than a couple of glasses of wine would. I still realise that I can't carry on smoking every night though.

So is the answer to leave then? I've always hoped that if I did he would realise how much we mean to him and stop smoking, but I think I may be sorely mistaken if I did actually go through with it.

So by tonight, you will both be stoned?

You are in charge if a child.... Of how old?

"What on earth would you do in an emergency in the evening/night if you're both stoned? What if DS needed urgent medical care?
It's really not on for either of you to be using drugs with your child in The house."

Unless you think a couple shouldn't share a bottle of wine of an evening, this argument doesn't stand up.

OP - it's not fair at all for your son to have a father who is taking drugs during the day.

Does he spend any time with his Dad when he is not stoned?

I think you need to bring this situation to and end for your son's sake.

2 spliffs during the day every day and unlimited caning every night?

That's no life for a student, never mind a father.

Stop smoking yourself first.

I bet you are less in control than you think you are.

It is not normal to drink or smoke dope every evening. Dont compare yourself to alcoholics and say you are better. This is nonsense.

Er, no. The wine thing us a red herring. You will be stoned and have all the crap that comes with it. Paranoia. The lot. Why do you think you are affected differently? You are minimising it

How much does all this cost?

Seriously Olympia, 2 spliffs barely touch the sides now, I've been smoking it for years. 2 glasses of wine would make me really rather tipsy, 2 spliffs in the space of 3 hours just makes me relaxed.
I don't think I am in control, if I did I wouldn't be posting this and agreeing that I need to stop.
Ds does spend time with dp unstoned and he is a great dad. Apart from the weed obvs

Costs around £150 every month. We can easily afford this though so the money isn't an issue

Do you think the answer is to leave and hope he gives up? Or is there some sort of miracle answer that I've just not thought of?

OP, I would just like to warn you I am going to use your thread as a cautionary tale for another poster who is on the cusp of staying/going with a stoner

she doesn't have dc yet, but is considering whether he will make a good father while he is using weed to the detriment of their relationship

I wonder what you would say to her ?

I thought if that thread too AF

No worries AF. Personally I think you can still be a great parent and enjoy weed, but not if you're smoking very regularly.
Yes I realise this makes me a bad parent. I know I can do better by ds

I think you need to stop hoping he'll give up.

Assess the situation for what it is, and assume he will continue smoking.

He's won't give up for you, and he won't give up for his son. This you know for sure.

So you are in a situation where your partner is a serious stoner to the point where he is smoking pot around your son.

Is that acceptable to you? Do you want your child growing up in that kind of house?

If not, you have to leave.