Getting a bit fed up of dp and his weed :(

[GetTheeToANunnery]

He promised before we had ds he would stop smoking/cut down. 2 years on and he's still smoking every day :(
I've tried making comprimises by asking he at least doesn't smoke during the day due to ds being around, this works for a couple of weeks and then it's back to normal again. I tried saying fine, you can smoke up to 2 spliffs a day and then however much you want on an evening. Again lasts a couple of weeks.

Today we went out to a kids birthday and now he's gone off out with his jar of weed to the pub.

He smokes so much and has done for years, he's not your average stoner. Runs a very successful company, not lazy etc. I don't think he'll ever give up :(

I also smoke a couple of spliffs a night, have done since I met him. Would love to give up but it's so hard while he's smoking every chance he gets.

I've threatened loads of times to leave over it, sick of making threats now though. What should I do?

I also agree that you need to give up too.

You def need to give up yourself.

Being a single parent is hard. How do you know that you wont find it so

stressful that you find you need to smoke more?

I don't think I've ever seen a poster make such a quick decision to leave, you can obviously see what harm this is doing.

Good luck, good for you!

The main reason I want him to stop is I dont want ds seeing it and normalising it. I also hate that we can't go out anywhere for the day without his patience running out after a few hours. Thirdly, he is putting a plant before me and ds, that's wrong.

Could someone tell me how amazing it is being a single parent? I'm scared.

OP, if you were my RL friend this is what I would advise

give up weed yourself, immediately

you are in no position to lecture your partner on his drug use

tell your partner you are giving up from X date (which should be the day you tell him....not days/weeks in advance)

invite him along for the journey

stop talking about these "benign friends" who are actually drug dealers

tell your partner why you are giving up and that you don't want the drugs lifestyle to rub off on ds

tell your partner you give him x amount of time (?6 months) to demonstrate he feels the same as you, and that if need be he will seek help for his major habit (yes, it is major)

if at the end of the 6 months, you see no movement at all, and you have fulfilled your end of the bargain, then you leave

that is what I would advise

Even after 2 years of him promising to cut down AF?

I've just broken up with my OH because of his weed habit and all the things that came with it: moodswings, sudden rages, total lack of patience, bad memory, poor sleep (meaning I didn't sleep properly either), comedowns, yadda yadda yadda. He holds down a job and successfully runs his own business on the side while smoking at least a couple of (skunk) spliffs a day. But it cost us our relationship. OK, there were other issues besides, but ultimately he chose the weed over me (despite having recently told me he was in love with me) as he refused to stop smoking. He would often say he could take a break for a month or so but he'd then be back on it within the week.

He never thought it was an issue but I knew instantly if he'd had a smoke even if it was a few hours before, and he seemed to think it was like beer - you could drive an hour or so after a pint. He'd go to see his dealer and then go off to pick up his kids and I was just at that. He also knew that my brother's mental health problems have mainly stemmed from smoking too much skunk as a teenager, yet continued to smoke. In fairness he already smoked when I met him, but I had no idea of the quantity or frequency.

I am an ex-smoker myself but gave up long before I met him, mainly because it never seemed to do anything. I was never tempted to take it up again.

In the future if any potential partner told me they smoked weed it would be an instant dealbreaker. For your DS's sake get out of there and leave this loser behind.

I debated shopping his dealer to the police but knew he'd just find another supplier.

I think if you are serious about him cutting down/stopping/it becoming less of a dominating influence on all of your lives, you really do need to take the lead properly and call it a full stop on your personal smoking habits. If you're joining in, your DP has less chance of realising you're serious, and also you will get the "well you can't talk you do it too" bollocks. Just stop - you said you can, so do.

Then if DP continues to fail to sort himself out you will have the clarity and the highground to think about your next move.

OP, I think your starting block problem is your own drug use

sort that out first

ok, reduce the 6 months to 1 month

I dunno

< feeling a bit flummoxed that I am saying stay ( a little bt longer, anyway)and an OP is saying "I should leave the bastard" >

But I've tried stopping with him, but then he starts again anyway.
I suppose I could try again, but I have very large doubts it will work.

AF

Interesting Kernowgal (love the name :)) - I have also had relationships with people where weed was a big part of their lives, despite it having caused them mental health problems. Recently I was seeing a lovely guy but his weed use was a total dealbreaker for me. I was determined not to get emotionally involved with a weed smoker again as it's destructive while supposedly being so benign, and there's a whole near mythology around it, mostly IME centering on how people who DON'T use it are dried up servants of The Man, which is pretty wearing.

OP, stop for yourself first

why aren't you getting that ?

you stopping is independent of him stopping

can you not do it ?

I can't help but feel you're finding excuses as to why YOU won't stop, while having a hardline attitude to DP's use. Yeah, one of you is worse than the other, but you need to get off it and stay off it yourself too. Doesn't matter what's happened in the past. He's being an irresponsible arse so you have to be all the more responsible because you have a child to care for.

if you have stopped before, in an attempt to make him stop...why would you re-start ?

Op, I think you have more of an addiction than you are admitting to, sorry

That's sad kernowgal, but thanks for sharing. It does help

anyfucker talks a lot of sense.

I know I probably do. I'm a weak person, no will power at all.
If the weed isn't there then I couldn't care less. If it is there then I have to smoke it.

I don't know if I could ever give up with him continuing.

Does he drive?

Oh, and yes, it's amazing being a lone parent!!

ah, this is looking like a different kinda thread, now

you are now saying you could never give up while you are with him ? Is that what you are saying ?

then leave him

tonight

I was married for eight years to a heavy stoner. He did the promises too with our first dc. Eight years of my life wasted with someone who cared more about a bloody plant than his family. Who would buy it when we couldn't afford to. I can't tell you how much I detest weed these days. A friend of mine walked into the house stoned a few nights ago and I felt complete revulsion. The stupid look on the face, the inability to hold a proper conversation...urgh.

I also don't buy into the, I smoke it because he does. I never did. In my probably bitter opinion, you are both as bad as each other.

Anyways that's not really helpful so I will say if he is a long term heavy smoker, he isn't going to manage to stop himself. First he would need to actually want to stop. Secondly he would probably need anti depressants and counselling. He would need your support which would mean stopping yourself.

The first step is the most important. If he doesn't want to stop then don't waste any more of your life with him. That simple.

As for your child, he deserves responsible parents. If you are both smoking illegal drugs he doesn't have that. If you are both stoned at the same time, he doesn't have that. Would you be happy for your ds to grow up to have his fathers, and yours, habit? I have 4 children and if any of them wasted their lives by spending most of it stoned, I would be horrified.

all these lurkers who say weed is harmless

you see that ^ up there

listen, you fools