Getting a bit fed up of dp and his weed :(

[GetTheeToANunnery]

He promised before we had ds he would stop smoking/cut down. 2 years on and he's still smoking every day :(
I've tried making comprimises by asking he at least doesn't smoke during the day due to ds being around, this works for a couple of weeks and then it's back to normal again. I tried saying fine, you can smoke up to 2 spliffs a day and then however much you want on an evening. Again lasts a couple of weeks.

Today we went out to a kids birthday and now he's gone off out with his jar of weed to the pub.

He smokes so much and has done for years, he's not your average stoner. Runs a very successful company, not lazy etc. I don't think he'll ever give up :(

I also smoke a couple of spliffs a night, have done since I met him. Would love to give up but it's so hard while he's smoking every chance he gets.

I've threatened loads of times to leave over it, sick of making threats now though. What should I do?

a month < phew > that's still a lot of money though

a life-changing amount of money, for some families, the difference between new shoes and a trip to the zoo for the kids and not

I pay 150 a month into an ISA. It's worth a large amount of money now.

Wish I had that much a month to spare

I am totally amazed that you are upset that your dp does not want to stop smoking weed, while you are doing the same. You expect him to do what you cant do. And then you take it as a sign that he loves weed more than he loves you you. Well, you both love weed more than your child, by that logic.
And it is even more amazing that you cant see neither the logic nor the double standards. And at the same time you say that the weed is not affecting your mental abilities nor your parenting.

Well Hello.

Like I say, the money isn't really an issue for us but it would be good to put it to better use

Your home and child must smell real bad. does anyone ever comment on it?

of course it would, I use those examples because whether you have the money to "spare" or not, a bit of perspective wouldn't go amiss

We don't smoke in the house Olympia

What a fucking insult I am a single parent scrimping and saving every penny had to refuse my girls an ice cream yesterday but

But it will still waft indoors and also, be stuck to your clothing, skin and hair!

Hi GetThee - if this is of any help. I was with someone for over a year who had a very serious weed habit, and we had lots of arguments about it too (I used to hide the stuff at one point).

I also smoked myself, several evenings a week, but not very much by comparison. I had a very low tolerance, having never been much of a weed smoker. But it used to amaze me how much he could put away, I would just be comotose, literally, at that amount. (though this was resin rather than weed).

Once he was gone, I stopped. Not immediately, I still sometimes smoked, though not at previous level. Within a year I had stopped naturally and never missed it. Though occasionally I do fancy it about once or twice a year, and sometimes have some on a holiday.

So, what I am saying is if he has a very bad habit (sounds like it) it will influence you inevitably. I am not advocating separation, but from the drug point of view, it is probably the easiest way you could achieve it yourself. If he keeps promising to change, but doesn't, where does that leave you?

On a personal level, I have some good feelings about grass/weed. Used occasionally it can be fine, IMO. However, when people use it every day or even every week, I think its sad and a desperate attempt to escape reality. You can't change him, but you can take action yourself.

smokers always think they don't smell bad

they do < shrug >

it's like people who keep dogs don't have doggy-smelling houses, I much prefer the dogs though

I meant to add - to escape reality - or prevent anxiety. But my experience of seeing the side effects - was that they were considerable, but that the user was completely oblivious to them.

that is good advice, jane, it sounds like Op is taking steps to take action herself (in the short term, anyway)

Thanks Jane. I can see your point totally. I think the only way I can get myself out the habit is to get away from it and get some perspective. Hearing stories like yours just reinforces this view

My DH smoked occasionally (weekends) when I was pg with DS and DD1 untill they were 2 and 5, both have exzema (apologies for spelling) and hayfever. He stopped before I was pg with DD2 and she has perfect skin, no cradle cap and as of yet no allergies. I know weed can cause dermatitis and imo his smoking is the reason my eldest have these problems.

So you 2 are tucked away at the end of the garden?? Your poor ds!

You will both smell of it... It will go with you back into the house/car..

Why poor ds? He's asleep in bed when I smoke
If you've got nothing useful to say Olympia then you should really just leave this thread now. Ta

You put yourself out there what did you expect ?

I expected advice, not to be told how smelly I am

Why? Because you don't like being asked searching questions?

Yes, your poor ds! I feel sorry for him

Everyone who smokes smells. I smoke cigarettes and I stink ;)

this article is quite interesting about how even "smoking outside" is harmful to others, especially children

I think you're doing a good thing in planning to separate for a while so you can have the opportunity to stop. Your DP sounds like a serious, long-term stoner. It will be very hard for him to stop because it has become part of the very fabric of his life. Sadly most drug addicts only stop when they can no longer get sufficiently off their face enough to allow them to continue to ignore how shitty their lives have become as a result of their drug use.

All the time he can tell himself that his drug use hasn't caused any serious problems then he'll continue. You saying that you'll leave if he carries on smoking is meaningless if he carries on smoking but you don't leave. Maybe you actually leaving will be the wake-up call he needs. But you have to be prepared for the possibility that it won't. Moreover, it will take quite a while for it to become clear if he has actually stopped for good or if he's just stopped for a short while - or only stopped when he's around you - in an attempt to win you back but with the full intention of resuming when you're back under the same roof. Drug addicts lie about their drug usage. They can't help it.

A couple of people mentioned earlier the risks of social services getting involved when both parents are regular users of cannabis. Cannabis is detectable in hair samples for months after use. It lingers for much longer than most other drugs. The sooner you can stop the better.