Getting a bit fed up of dp and his weed :(

[GetTheeToANunnery]

He promised before we had ds he would stop smoking/cut down. 2 years on and he's still smoking every day :(
I've tried making comprimises by asking he at least doesn't smoke during the day due to ds being around, this works for a couple of weeks and then it's back to normal again. I tried saying fine, you can smoke up to 2 spliffs a day and then however much you want on an evening. Again lasts a couple of weeks.

Today we went out to a kids birthday and now he's gone off out with his jar of weed to the pub.

He smokes so much and has done for years, he's not your average stoner. Runs a very successful company, not lazy etc. I don't think he'll ever give up :(

I also smoke a couple of spliffs a night, have done since I met him. Would love to give up but it's so hard while he's smoking every chance he gets.

I've threatened loads of times to leave over it, sick of making threats now though. What should I do?

And now you are saying you will still smoke on 'special occasions'..... That will soon turn into every weekend, then every night...again!

I see you are saying you are going to live apart for a while and stop yourself, I think that's a great course of action. As you say, the odd spliff at a party is one thing, but regular sustained weed use every night of the week is going to normalize it in your household. Hope it goes ok for you, and you can seek help as well, ask your GP even if it is for what seems like a 'small' amount (sometimes letting go of those last few precious cigarettes or joints a day can be quite hard).

It is hard to give something up when the other person is actively encouraging you to continue. I am addicted to it, I don't know whether it's the tobacco or the action of smoking but something in me struggles to give up.
That's why I'm leaving. I can't do it around here with it in my face all the time.

Is that the action of someone who doesn't want to give up cogito?

I honestly thought I could get some advice from here but there seems to be a lot of posters who can't wait to shout about what a bad person I am for even daring to be addicted in the first place.

Well it is kinda illegal!! How can you be addicted? You managed to give it up during your recent pregnancy......didn't you!?!

I am quitting, when I say special occasions I mean maybe like once a year or something daft but not to be repeated.

You are in major denial love

Yes I did give up during pregnancy Thankyou
Like I said, it's easy to get back in the swing of it with someone always on at you to join them for a smoke. It's obviously my fault as well for not being strong enough to say no ta, but there you go, I'm weak.

You are getting good advice, it simply happens to be not what you want to hear

and remember that complete strangers don't have to appease you, nor join you in your denial and excuse-making

it doesn't mean we are all perfect people behind this screen...but this is you we are talking about, your stuation, that you put out there for people to give their opinion

How old us your ds? You gave up for at least 9 months then,presumably longer if you breastfed.

is your P going to seek professional help, or when you go back you will start again and nothing changes at all

You can but you won't, If you had any intention of giving up you would have already you are sending mixed messages to your partner what do you expect.

And if you smoke in the house you're risking your ds too

I honestly don't know what else I can do. I've fannied about trying to give up in the past, it hasn't worked. I'm now planning to leave a man who I'm hopelessly in love with just to be able to stop smoking and stop ds being around it.
If dp can't give up then I can't come back. I don't know if he will get professional help, he says he will but he says a lot of things.

The problem is if you smoke then a lot of your friends do too and it is constantly around you and offered. You would need to disassociate yourself from the heavy smokers.

I've lived with people like this but then i grew up. Realised i didn't want the entire focus of my day to be the next spliff and also couldn't handle how much stronger it was getting.

I do know a couple of women who don't smoke but whose partners do, a lot. The men seem to smoke it like a packet of fags with no effect whatsoever - must be bloody expensive. They could spend that money on a mountain bike or the Gymn or an activity that gives them a natural high.

I see no reason why out of respect to you he stops or just smokes on a Saturday night or something, the constant use would do my head in.

Also with the mental health problems /depression in the family i would not want my kids to drift into this thinking it was the norm.

If he loves you he will

That's my family btw!

OP, I was in a relationship with a stoner. I smoked like you. I knew I couldn't quit while staying. It was only after I left I found how strong my addiction was. I thought I wouldn't get hold of weed without him. And yet I found ways.

Some counselling might help. It did for me. Dealing with why I needed to smoke everyday.

I am really sorry, you do sound desperate

I think that when you stop smoking weed yourself, the (literal) fog will lift and you will start to see things more clearly

You may love this man, but he does he love you and ds more than his habit ? Did you smoke to this extent (or even at all) before you met him, btw ?

While you are complicit in the smoking you have no leg to stand on. And £150 is a lot of weed

£150 a week ?

I suggest you get professional help, by which I don't mean anything heavy, just going to the doctors and asking about quitting services both for smoking and weed. It's well known why 'just that one cigarette' starts you on the path of smoking/weed use again, it basically reactivates all the receptors which have just died down from when you last quit. So, that one cigarette or joint starts your craving all over again.

I don't personally believe weed is not addictive to everyone, I've seen too many people walk in completely unable to give up their two joints a night (although they usually did with support) to believe it to be not addictive.

You might find that you leading the way on this, and being strong, will tip your partner into seriously reevaulating his own weed use. He probably needs professional help, though, as he clearly can't go more than a couple of hours without it.

Stop giving excuses for yourself. It is really pathetic. A grown woman who cant give up weed because she is too "weak". Do you realize how this sounds?

You are only weak because you have decided that this is your "opt out" clause.

£150 a month.

Thats 1800 a year. Other cigarettes also?