Getting a bit fed up of dp and his weed :(

[GetTheeToANunnery]

He promised before we had ds he would stop smoking/cut down. 2 years on and he's still smoking every day :(
I've tried making comprimises by asking he at least doesn't smoke during the day due to ds being around, this works for a couple of weeks and then it's back to normal again. I tried saying fine, you can smoke up to 2 spliffs a day and then however much you want on an evening. Again lasts a couple of weeks.

Today we went out to a kids birthday and now he's gone off out with his jar of weed to the pub.

He smokes so much and has done for years, he's not your average stoner. Runs a very successful company, not lazy etc. I don't think he'll ever give up :(

I also smoke a couple of spliffs a night, have done since I met him. Would love to give up but it's so hard while he's smoking every chance he gets.

I've threatened loads of times to leave over it, sick of making threats now though. What should I do?

Apologies for resurrecting a year old thread but with a friend in a very similar position, I would love to hear how things turned out for the OP if she is still out there.....

Gosh me too

How GetThee got on, and also how changey is

I fucking hate weed and what I hate most of all about it is that it has this image of being a harmless, chilled hippy drug that is soooooooo much safer thyan alchohol. BOLLOCKS. My ex smoked weed and it drove us apart. He was a dad too. I have suffered severe mental health problems due to weed including being hospitalised. My first bf was a heavy stoner and he was one of those conspiracy theorists and obsessed with aliens and how they are a massive goverment cover-up...go figure. Paranoia or what?

Also my recent exes best mate (who I suspect is alos his dealer) spent an entire evening telling us how his wife had had three miscarriages and were having problems concieving whilst they all sat round cheerfully smoking a spliff. Even she had a toke. I mean fgs if you are ttc and sustain pregnancy surely weed has to go?

And this heavy stoner best mate was the least chilled, most irritable person I know who was racist and insulted me several times as he was paranoid I would take his stoner buddy off him. I just thought 'that's not very chilled out is it?' The lack of fire and drive also bothers me. Including lack of sex drive.

I see the OP never replied to the question whether her DP drove or not.

I love weed but not had any for 10 months as pg with no 2.

It's addictive & I used to smoke 2 joints a night to relax, was lovely but as you say it's not healthy. Its really hard to stop when there's free flow from your oh doing it but if you want to be taken seriously you need to stop or else you are a hypocrite and he is less likely to listen. Make it more we and less you when dishing out the ultimatums.

Good luck

I noticed that too Mantic, think we can assume it was a yes

Hello, I'm the OP. I flounced with my old name and de registered, no idea how to get it back!

The update is that we're both free from weed now! It took us a while of stopping and starting but what really drove us was that we both started to really resent the stuff. We took a good look at ourselves and realised how stupid it was to be spending money on it, how lazy and tired it made us etc.

I took up knitting and DP took up fishing and biting his nails, really helped us both to have something to focus on.

We've both had a couple of joints since we gave up but never carried it on to the next day and to be honest it's only been about twice since we quit. I don't think I'll ever cut it out completely as its something I enjoy, I just know now not to be daft with it, I don't want either of us to have to go through quitting it again.

Thanks for coming back. Well done on improving both your lives.

I'm not trying to promote the smoking of weed here, but my DS & her H have smoked it for years - only of an evening. They both hold down good jobs, had a child & are far less lazy than I am. They don't get paranoid or suffer with any mental health problems either.

I've also seen people where it dominates their lives & they are ineffectual, lazy etc.

But that's all by the by really - if it's important to you to give up & it's impacting your lives, then he needs to take some positive action to stop. Proper support etc - but he has to be willing, or it's pointless really.

Good luck Op - I hope this ends well

Oops - missed your update!

Well done - lovely to hear your news

Thanks, it feels good to be able to have a small boast, no one else really knows about it!

Very pleased for you both!

That is quite a big boast, actually, and rather well-deserved

That's so good! Well done to both of you. It's such an insidious life-stealer - even if you're managing everything fine, it just becomes more important than it should.

I have a friend who is going through this atm with her partner. He is a great father etc etc except that drugs come first. I personally think it's a dead-end and she will end up leaving him because he cannot / will not change. Interestingly, his father is also an addict so he grew up watching addictive behaviour. If you have done nothing else, you have removed the normalising of that habit from your DS's life and that's huge

Well done! Not an easy habit to break, must've taken a good deal of willpower.

I've just split up from my weed smoking ex, now I'm left with over £1000 of debt, a toddler and baby number two due any time.
Weed ruined my life.

Well, I smoke weed, have done for years, hold down a job, am financially independent, have a social life, hobbies, do up my own house, etc......

All the people I know who still partake are the same. All well-rounded individuals who have their life together.

I think it is criminal to take children away from parents who happen to smoke.
Thank god I don't live in UK.

Suburbophobe. You are one of the lucky ones. I know too may people whose lives are fucked because of it. I don't think it's fair to take kids away from parents who smoke, however weed rightly or wrongly IS illegal, CAN cause psychosis and I don't want illegal drugs around my child.
My friends ex dh smokes weed with his son. His son is highly intelligent but has lunched out University and getting a job because of this drug. He does nada.
I think the occasional smoke is ok but every day......that's a proper addiction. I love a bottle of wine but only at weekends. Not every day.

Great update. Well done and good luck!