Getting a bit fed up of dp and his weed :(

[GetTheeToANunnery]

He promised before we had ds he would stop smoking/cut down. 2 years on and he's still smoking every day :(
I've tried making comprimises by asking he at least doesn't smoke during the day due to ds being around, this works for a couple of weeks and then it's back to normal again. I tried saying fine, you can smoke up to 2 spliffs a day and then however much you want on an evening. Again lasts a couple of weeks.

Today we went out to a kids birthday and now he's gone off out with his jar of weed to the pub.

He smokes so much and has done for years, he's not your average stoner. Runs a very successful company, not lazy etc. I don't think he'll ever give up :(

I also smoke a couple of spliffs a night, have done since I met him. Would love to give up but it's so hard while he's smoking every chance he gets.

I've threatened loads of times to leave over it, sick of making threats now though. What should I do?

I think you should do better by your ds, love

What are his examples here ?

I expect you are "safe" around him (that is not what I mean by "bad" parent here...I don't think you would have the giggles while he sticks his hand in a fire etc) but what is he seeing ?

two parents that smoke, that need to smoke drugs to get through the day

I suppose you say you are not harming yourself, and your H will say the same

but not everyone who smokes dope doesn't harm themself...would you like your own children to emulate what you do, and take that very real risk ?

yes, we all have risk ...but you are giving your son a distinct disadvantage in what he can expect from his own life...it's not a level playing field if he thinks it's ok to check out every evening with drugs

parents are our first and most profound influences

By buying drugs you are allowing and encouraging the dealers to continue.
These are ruthless people who sell drugs( not just marajuana but crack cocaine, heroin etc) to ANYONE, including children.
Is this what you want for your child?

We get it from a friend of ours, who I can 100% guarantee would never sell to kids. Its more of a hobby for him, growing different types of weed and only supplies to friends

Oh thats ok then [sceptical]

I wouldn't normally be this judgey so apologies, but it strikes me that you will struggle to ask your DP to give up what he is used to having every day, when you won't. You're making excuses for what you do - it's only different in quantity to the excuses he makes for what he does.

It doesn't sound as if he is going to give up.

So what choices do you have ?

1.Stay and put up with it

1. Leave

Or you could shop your friend for growing illegal drugs and then you wont have a supplier

How did he get to the pub? How will he get home?

If he's driving, he could kill someone...or himself. How would you feel about weed then?

I didn't say that makes it ok doin, but it does make it better than buying from the dealer you describe.

I think I knew the answer to this anyway without posting on here. It's time to start making plans to leave :( we're so perfect together with this aside, I hope I can be strong enough to go through with it

It must be awful growing up in a home where your parents are stoned or pissed every day

FWIW OP i think you can be a good parent and smoke weed - a lot of people drink wine of an evening and i see little difference to be honest. Both are recreational drugs one is just legal.

I think the issue here is his refusal to cut down and you need to make this clear - however he is ignorning you. Can you convince him to go to counselling - or at least work towards a comprimise - no weed mid week foir example?

your "friend" makes a hobby of growing different drugs and supplying them but not to kids, no way

your friend is a criminal

does he have a hothouse in his loft ?

the police will be onto him, any day now

do you want to be on that list of contacts in his diary/blackberry when they seize it ?

you have children, fgs...what the hell are you playing at ?

Well said AF

Tried comprimise steben, it doesn't work.
I'm not stoned and pissed every day.

You said that you share a couple of joints every night but they dont touch the sides.

Do you think you are in danger of smoking more to get more of a high?

You need to think very carefully about the impact of staying is going to have on your DC and yourself.

Your P is sending a clear message that drugs are more important than with you or ds.

He is totally ignoring your requests, and you can't trust him to keep his word.

The difference between a spliff and a glass of wine is that one will get you arrested. How will either of you look after ds if you're in jail?

Do you want your son to use weed when he's older "like daddy does"? How will you stop him? How will you teach him that heroin and crack are forbidden when weed is fine - they're all illegal.

but you also smoke, so i have no idea how you can moan about him.

No danger of smoking more. I'm fed up with smoking every night but struggling to get out the habit.
I'm going to leave in the next week. If I'm not around him I won't have any way of getting it or being tempted.

1. Why do you want him to stop?
2. If you wanted to stop, you would have already to prove a point to him its easy to do and you dont need it
3. I would much rather someone who smoked weed and was honest about it, and it didn't impact their life (because you know better than some of the posters on here about how it effects him) than someone who goes out drinking a few times a week.

I do find a lot of these replies quite amusing

Good for you. Good luck .

also, my marriage failed due to my ex never giving up weed.

i gave up when i got pg, and never went back. like you used to have a couple before i became a parent.

dh gave up, and it was fantastic for a year. he went back to it, then started smoking in the day, and like you and your dp, swore it didn't impact on our lives.

oh but it did. he needed more and more, was sure he hadn't changed, as the addiction meant he upped his amount.

because i no longer smoked at all, i could see how it affected him, not saying your dp would be affected the same, but my dh went totally in on himself, and the weed took over.

ended with him being stoned in charge of dd, driving with dd in car to pick me up. would swear he was fine it had no effect. became a morbid, self indulgent, moany git. and one day left us.

it's just not worth it.

"How did he get to the pub? How will he get home?

If he's driving, he could kill someone...or himself. How would you feel about weed then?"

:o

He's at the pub - he shouldn't be driving even if he's not stoned.

"but you also smoke, so i have no idea how you can moan about him."

So unless you're teetotal you can't moan about your alcoholic partner?

ovaltine, I am sure as a weed-user, you find these comments "amusing"

the thing is, Op isn't finding her predicament very "amusing"

I think only a stoner would fid this thread "amusing" tbh

Teachers may smell weed on him at school