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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do any of you actually trust your husbands?

214 replies

Buckfollocks · 17/04/2012 19:56

Just been reading some 'I think he's cheating on me/sleeping with escorts' threads and am wondering if (and how) any of you can actually trust your husbands?

The statistics are pretty daunting regarding number of men who have slept around, either with escorts or affair/one night stands.

How do youa ll get through it? I am having a relationship crisis on the trust front at the moment and would appreciate any advice......

TIA

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 17/04/2012 19:58

Completely. I picked a good 'un.

mumblechum1 · 17/04/2012 19:59

I trust mine. He is a man of many faults Wink but lack of integrity isn't one of them.

LikeARollingStone · 17/04/2012 20:02

I trust my partner, he's good a good heart. I'm not saying he won't ever have his head turned but I think he would put his son first. I've had partners in the past cheat on me and I never trusted them again. I've known male friends cheat in the past and I wouldn't believe they will not do it again. Being faithful is a lifestyle choice, you either make the choice and uphold it or you don't...I have only ever cheated on one partner when I was under 20 and I'm not proud of it, destroyed him and he spent the rest of our relationship proving he was attractive by flirting with other girls... Was the end of us.

weegiemum · 17/04/2012 20:03

Totally trust mine. He's a top bloke, has been for 22 years, doubt he'll change now!

JeanBodel · 17/04/2012 20:03

Well, firstly, of course, I know my DH, and he would never do that. :)

Secondly, we have (accidentally, I assure you) settled into a pattern where I control, or have visibility of, all of his finances. I check his bank statements for him, his salary is paid into my account. I open all the post that comes to the house. Basically I do all the admin.

So if he is having an affair, I can be pretty sure it's with her money. And on company time, as he is never out of the house without the kids apart from to go to work, and he works regular hours.

Saying this, I have in years gone by happily waved him off on man-holidays to Gran Canaria and the like, blithely sure that he wouldn't cheat on me. He didn't and he wouldn't (see point 1).

Ratata · 17/04/2012 20:04

I trust my husband completely. He's too lazy to cheat Grin

LikeARollingStone · 17/04/2012 20:04

I think if you cheat... You are implicitly accepting the fact that you will hurt your partner and children, make yourself miserable and destroy any future for the relationship. If those were the consequences upheld in relationships, cheating might be less common. It's too easy for some.

SurprisinglyCurvaceousPirate · 17/04/2012 20:05

I do. I don't know why, I just do. He's a wonderful man, and has a wonderful role model in his father, and will be a wonderful role model to his two sons Smile.

fudgywudgy · 17/04/2012 20:07

Totally trust mine, however he has the "equipment" to cheat if he ever did decide he wanted to.

The way I see it though is he knows 100% that I would leave with the dc if he did cheat, if he knows this but still chose to cheat he would not be the man I love and married.

squeakytoy · 17/04/2012 20:08

Trust mine 100%. In 11 years he has never given me any reason to mistrust him. He is too honest for his own good most of the time, and besides, he is also too lazy to wander... his idea of a good night out on his own is a teatime drink down the pub with his mates and then home by 7pm... and he rarely does that unless I am with him.

surroundedbyblondes · 17/04/2012 20:08

We have two small DCs. If he ever got into a hotel room with his secretary in the middle of the afternoon he would just lie down and sleep. Grin

Hulababy · 17/04/2012 20:08

Yes I do.

IDontWantToBeFatAnymore · 17/04/2012 20:08

I do trust him. I just think one day he will have had enough of me.

Portofino · 17/04/2012 20:08

I trust mine....mind you I think it's mainly as he's getting on a bit now and knows which side his bread is buttered Wink. But seriously, I suppose you can never know 100% - and that goes for the female half too, but he gives me NO reason to doubt him ever. He makes me feel that his family is his life.

SucksToBeMe · 17/04/2012 20:08

I completely trusted mine,he was quite,loyal and doted on me. He even slept with a bible under his pillow. Then he cheated..........

boringnickname · 17/04/2012 20:10

100%

LadySlatternlysHoover · 17/04/2012 20:10

I do completely.

If I ever stop trusting him (or vice versa) it's time to part.

Fillybuster · 17/04/2012 20:11

To do the washing up properly? No

To remember to take a specific piece of paper to/from work with him to deal with? No.

For everything else? Absolutely, 100%. Actually, probably a bit more than that Grin

Jinsei · 17/04/2012 20:13

Yes, absolutely. He can be an arse at times, and he certainly isn't the ideal partner I once imagined, but he would never cheat - I'm certain of that.

When we first got together, I was very insecure and suspicious of him, always wanting to know who he was talking to on the phone, who he'd met when out etc. But it gradually became clear to me that it just wasn't in his make-up.

timetoask · 17/04/2012 20:13

Been together 14 years, I trust him completely, I would trust him with my life. He is the type of man who is really really honest and I think if we ever grew apart (touch wood) he would rather break up before doing something wrong.

JollySergeantJackrum · 17/04/2012 20:14

Yes. He is completely trustworth. Been together 4.5 years.

ebmummy · 17/04/2012 20:14

Yeah I trust mine. But I still have my eye on the ball(s) Grin. We've kind of slipped into a comfortable routine so would spot anything fishy (I'd like to think). Dh knows I'd never forgive him though regardless of the circumstances, and he's pretty conscientious so I'd like to think he WOULDN'T even if the opportunity arose.

HermioneE · 17/04/2012 20:14

Same as others - trust my DH completely. Hard to put my finger on why really, I just do.

I do credit him with being completely trustworthy, but I also wonder if it's partly just my attitude. I have friends who check their partners' mobiles / worry that they're lying about smoking / have to hide their emails to other people, and I just don't really get that approach. I just don't worry - he wouldn't do that to me.

Statistically probably some of us are being overconfident!! Confused

MadameChinLegs · 17/04/2012 20:15

I trust mine implicitly. He is a good man with a good heart.

When we were just bf/gf we did have a year of long distance as he worked away which if any cheating did emerge I would imagine it would from then. However, the following year I joined him (was a live and work together job) so I think if he had cheated he may have tried to prevent me going.

I think aside from him not being A Cheater (I think you either have it in yoy or you dont), I feel in a pretty strong position as I am able to support myself and dd without him should the need arise, so he knows I would habe nothing keeping me with him if he did cheat
If that makes sense.

LikeARollingStone · 17/04/2012 20:15

Anyway if he ever did cheat, he wouldn't be able to hide it for long and he would be out on his ear. I believe I deserve better than that and I'd rather be single than have a man who is lying to me about something so intimate.