Do any of you actually trust your husbands?

[Buckfollocks]

Just been reading some 'I think he's cheating on me/sleeping with escorts' threads and am wondering if (and how) any of you can actually trust your husbands?

The statistics are pretty daunting regarding number of men who have slept around, either with escorts or affair/one night stands.

How do youa ll get through it? I am having a relationship crisis on the trust front at the moment and would appreciate any advice......

TIA

i would never trust anybody 100% but i love my dp and i trust that he loves me and I dont really think he would do the dirty on me. I think hes an honest man.

No. I trust no one 100%

I think I have something wrong with me as I pretty much trust my DH but don't trust other women. I know that is really really wrong. And even when posting it I feel differently to how I did before .

I trust my DH not to shag around, i trust him 99% with other stuff too, none of us are perfect, after all

I completely trust my DH. The part of me that is suspicious of 'men in general' thinks this will come back and bite me in the arse. There are just so many reasons why I do trust him though. Also he is always so eager to share his experiences (without filtering whether I will be pleased or interested) so I think if he did he'd probably just blurt it out.

Hmm. I think it's commendable that people trust their husbands 100%, really I do. But to say they KNOW they would absolutely never cheat is just stupid. You never know. You just don't.

I know of one woman who thinks she's in the perfect marriage, and I mean perfect. She is so content and happy that she's almost on the verge of smug but it's because she thinks she's got a soulmate in her husband. Everyone of his friends and workmates think he's one of the good ones. The women wish they had husbands as attentive as he is. He has been having an affair with someone else for years. And that's just the one I know about, I wouldn't be surprised if there were more.

You never know. Not really. I trust my husband and I don't think he's ever strayed in our 13 years together. I don't expect him to ever cheat. But like another poster says, I wouldn't be surprised if I found out he had. Because people have affairs and those people are walking amongst us and don't stand out from the crowd.

Another one who three years ago would have posted to say that I trusted my H absolutely. Friends and family agreed we were happy, well suited, faithful.

Then the sky fell on my head.

Turns out that I trusted him more than I trusted myself, and had been displacing my anxieties for years. I assumed that I was stressed out by work, or driving lessons, or keeping a home. I wasn't - I was going slowly mad in the face of years of lying. I knew that there was something horribly wrong, but discounted the possibility that it was my relationship.

I still don't know the full story, but I do know that he had been shagging other people from the start of our relationship. I had been introduced to various women he had slept with over the years, and that the affair he was then embroiled in had by then been going on for over 2 years - with him talking about his new "friend" all the time, buying her presents etc, but using her sexuality (she identifies as gay) as a cover - a kind of "reverse beard manouevre". He even told me when she came out to her parents ffs!

So my advice would be that you really do never know. But that if I ever have another relationship, I will be looking to have high levels of trust. As other posters have said, you have no kind of relationship without it. But I will also be listening to my instincts, and I will never allow my trust to override my intuition again.

But I will also be listening to my instincts, and I will never allow my trust to override my intuition again.

Absolutely agree! That is what I mean by blind trust being unwise.

It's hard because all these responses saying "yes of course I trust mine completely! He would NEVER cheat on me!" are presumably the responses that would have been posted by the wives and partners of cheats before they got found out. After all, no-one deliberately chooses to have children or get married to a lying cheat do they?

So I think we have to be careful when we say that our men would NEVER cheat. I'm sure that if some of those men were offered it on a plate by someone like Holly Willoughby or Penelope Cruz then they may well go for the offer.

I know my dh has strong opinions on this because he has been cheated on by previous girlfriends and therefore he knows how much hurt and pain it causes. I wonder if men who have been cheated on previously are less likely to cheat themselves?

Yet when you mix alcohol and pretty girls, could I hand on heart say that my dh wouldn't go for it if drunk, on his own and a pretty girl massaged his ego? No I couldn't. I would sincerely hope that my man would think of me and the kids and of course I trust that he would, but I don't know this for certain as it's never happened.

Some men (and women) find commitment just a tad too boring. They won the prize, they got the girl but then they start looking around for yet another competition to enter.

I don't think anyone can claim they know exactly how a single person will act in any given circumstance no matter how well they claim to know them. My dh will often surprise me and act in a ways I didn't predict, so what makes me so arrogant to say that never, under any circumstance would he cheat? I can't.

OP, I'm sorry for your pain. Not every man is that untrustworthy. You took a risk and it backfired this time, but next time might be very different. His cheating has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. But don't stop taking risks because that's what life and love is all about. It brings about much pain and heartache but also much joy, compassion and tenderness.

Yes, I trust my husband, I just do, and after 26 years together have no reason to think he has been shagging my best friends or unknown strangers behind my back. Of course I could be being naive but my gut feeling so far is that I am not.

Yes I do. Trust is one of the reasons I married him. I might be proved wrong in the future, things might change but you have to start from a position of trust or the whole relationship is doomed.

I don't. I love him. I am in love with him and our kids/life/world.

BUT I need a bit of something to fall back on if he does. It's called self preservation. Basically giving ME the tools to stay strong should anything happen.

OP I feel for you...

Yes.
DH is so honest it makes you want to puke sometimes. He is like one of "the untouchables" when it comes to ethics.
He was offered a free iPad once and wouldn't take it.

However the honesty can be tough, such as when he told me I was treating him badly and he felt like going and never coming back...we got through that but it was hard for me. He never ducks an issue, not ever.

I trust OH as far as I could trust anyone. This is partially because we are very open with each other generally, partly because there isn't a lot of scope for either of us to hide things (we each occasionally use the other's computer if it is convenient, have a lot of the same friends where we currently live, would have to be very stealthy to guarantee that something coming through the post wasn't seen) and partly because he knows the options if he cheated on me would be either a) I leave or b) I assume that we've shifted into an open relationship where I have the same rights.

Any mistrust is largely based on peer pressure or the possibility of it. Two exes and several friends had the tendency to become complete dickheads when they had an appreciative audience for it, including flirting openly with other people in front of me, especially when alcohol was involved. I don't absolutely trust everyone OH hangs out with, if I know he's going for 'a' drink with certain people there is a lot of tooth-gritting on my part, but that isn't often. I suspect most of them would be a bit about him actually getting off with someone else, not that they like me but I prefer to think they'd have enough respect for a three-year relationship (living together for nearly two of those) not to actively encourage infidelity...

Aaaaah. Now that I have been cast onto the 'outside' and can't really remember feeling the way you all feel (and I did, strongly once, and for a very long time. In fact I never believed this would ever happen to me), I notice two things:

1. Your innocence (LONG MAY IT LAST, I HOPE FOR EVER. Because losing your innocence is the worst thing that can ever happen. Well, it has been for me)

1. Your conviction that if you found him cheating 'that would be it'.

It's not that simple.

1. The surveys from Kinsey to Johnson to Glass consistently put male extramarital activity at around 50%. So half of the 'I trust him totally' people here don't have what they think they have. (May your reality never be shaken).

1. When I think of leaving him, I look at 4 little faces and remember that I am not the only one with feelings. And didn't their protection come before mine the moment they were conceived? And that is just the first of many complications.

I truly wish and hope that you lucky people will never have to write anything different.

I don't know to this day why people cheat (but still want the marriage and family). As my IC said to me: he knows you have a temper, he knows you hold onto grudges. What did he THINK was going to happen?

And if anyone has the answer, I would love to know.

I have to say that I think it is naive to trust a spouse 100%.

There are enough threads on here written by women who trusted their husband 100%, loved them totally, been married for years, had kids, had pets etc...the whole lot basically, "perfect" lives only to find it all smashed to pieces one day by the man shagging a collegue (one popular cliche).

The statistics are shocking and anyone who thinks it can't or won't happen to them is unwilling to make a realistic assessment of the situation IMO.

Oh and to answer the question - yes, I do trust my husband - but not 100%.

I trust my DH and will trust him until I have evidence to presume otherwise.

Then I'll bin his cheating ass.

Yes I trust my husband.

Yes.

I definitely do trust DH, if he cheated on me he would be jeopordising his whole life, not just with me but with the children too. I am sure he would never do that, he knows I would never forgive him and he feels the same the other way round.

He doesn't go out that much, I probably go out more and I do sometimes feel we are 'too' comfortable and I try to ensure we talk lots etc and make sure we do lots together and stuff away from the kids to make sure we are still concentrating on us as a couple as well as being part of a family.

I am not stupid enough to think that one day things may change ie we fall out of love for each other and someone could meet someone else. I can't see it happening but no in reality it could do so I would like to think we are both always committed to our relationship and making sure we talk about any issues etc so they never become a big issue we cannot move on from.