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Original poster

Do any of you actually trust your husbands?

214 replies

Buckfollocks · 17/04/2012 19:56

Just been reading some 'I think he's cheating on me/sleeping with escorts' threads and am wondering if (and how) any of you can actually trust your husbands?

The statistics are pretty daunting regarding number of men who have slept around, either with escorts or affair/one night stands.

How do youa ll get through it? I am having a relationship crisis on the trust front at the moment and would appreciate any advice......

TIA

OP posts:
Myheadmyworld · 17/04/2012 21:55

No. I did, I really, really, really did but I decided to 'wise up'. no sex and lack of confidence during/after pregnancy is a killer, had the same issue dh on porn sites but I strongly suspect(ed) more. Never found anything major but i confronted him and we have poured our hearts into making it work physically, emotionally and giving each other and our baby support, love and understanding... I don't think we have EVER been happier and I make sure to wear him out so he can't Wink

but trust? No, noone, never. Don't ever leave urself so vulnerable. OP talk to him

ElusiveCamel · 17/04/2012 21:58

I think you can trust your partner without thinking 'It could never happen'

Trust is a day to day thing, I think.

My xH cheated very early on in our relationship and we worked through it. I regained my trust in him and got over the cheating (although it took a long time). So I trusted him when he went out and cheating didn't cross my mind, but I never thought that it could never happen - just that I didn't think it was happening or was likely to happen again. At the end of our relationship, I caught him attempting to cheat (so lame), but it was all over bar the shouting by then (although neither of has said it) and it didn't upset me.

AnyFucker · 17/04/2012 22:06

BF, I am so sorry you have found yourself in this horrible situation. Your husband is a fool.

I trust my husband today.

LaWobble · 17/04/2012 22:09

Whenever I read comments such as 'mine's a good one', 'he's too tired from having young children', 'he'd never find the time', 'he's just too honest' etc I can't help but sigh.

Take a moment to read the depressingly frequent 'cheating' threads on this forum. There's not many that say 'I married a feckless, slimy sod with 'LIAR' tattoed on his forehead, who was forever eyeing up the ladies and now he's gone and cheated on me'. Generally these men are 'the good ones', the 'fantastic dads' etc etc bloody etc.

I am divorced now, and thank god, but I (and everyone else) thought that mine was one of the great husbands and dads and friends still say to me now that they just cannot believe it.

I will NEVER trust again.

Original poster
Buckfollocks · 17/04/2012 22:10

Thanks for all your replies - its really helpful to hear from those of you who have actually been through similar situations. Also interesting to see how many of you unquestioningly trust your OH.

I don't know what I am going to do really. He is away at the moment anyway hence the time to be able to hack his computer! I am going to talk to him when he comes back.

Whoever said that relationships are all about compromise and some people compromise fidelity - or something like that, I find that both comforting and terrifying at the same time. I had been thinking similiar things myself - I already think he is cheating anyway - would it be better if we had an open relationship and I knew he could do that. Does it take the shock element out of the equation? Does that mean that I don't really love him if I am willing to let him go and do that (safe sex assumed) but continue our marriage.

I kind of feel like its better to know and have it out in the open.

You are right about it depending on where you live - we are new to this area but he hasn't moved work areas. I think he could easily get away with it - quite a big place.

Anyway - am off to bed - would love to hear more about people who have moved past the shock and have found a way to stay married.........

OP posts:
RabidAnchovy · 17/04/2012 22:13

Yep 100%

AnyFucker · 17/04/2012 22:15

why would you want to stay married to someone who cheats on you ?

did you negotiate that as part of your marriage vows ?

would you be afforded the same opportunities to fuck around ? Would you want to ?

why are you already setting the foundations for him to have the green light to do this again in the future...you haven't even talked to him yet

what's so good about this particular common-or-garden deceiver that you would even consider compromising yourself like this?

those are the questions you need to ask yourself (IMO)

PinotsKittensAreAYearOldToday · 17/04/2012 22:15

I trust my husband absolutely and entirely.

I love the very bones of him, and vice versa.

PinotsKittensAreAYearOldToday · 17/04/2012 22:16

ooh AnyF. She'll sort ya out :)

thehairybabysmum · 17/04/2012 22:17

Totally!! No way could he be arsed with the palaver!

AnyFucker · 17/04/2012 22:18

nice pussy(s), Pinot Smile

exoticfruits · 17/04/2012 22:19

Trust him 100%

Maryz · 17/04/2012 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sternface · 17/04/2012 22:19

I think you might be better off starting a new thread OP. I can only think what you asked for must be making you feel worse. What does it matter whether other people trust their partners/ They are not you and their partners are not him yet

But if you stick with this one, bear in mind that if you're not prepared to leave him there will be worse to come. This isn't an affair based on a friendship that got out of hand is it? He was deliberately looking for opportunities to be unfaithful. If you confront him he will say he was 'just looking' or some other lie. Don't feel you've got to put up with this or turn a blind eye. I hope you've had a STD test too, as your baby might be at risk.

FluffStar · 17/04/2012 22:20

I trust him...

But all these threads just seem to suggest that the ones who "just aren't capable of cheating" usually are!

It's a bit unnerving, I must admit!

startail · 17/04/2012 22:20

Yes, I trust him absolutely not to have an affair.

I also wouldn't find out unless he wanted me too. He is that clever.

thehairybabysmum · 17/04/2012 22:20

As usual AF is spot on...especially her first point!

Re those saying 'look at all the threads about cheating'. You don't start a thread boasting about your trusting relationship. Would be both smug and v dull!!

Maryz · 17/04/2012 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hassled · 17/04/2012 22:22

I trusted my first DH completely right up until the moment he confessed to his fling. So while I trust my second DH absolutely and completely, a tiny voice in my head will always be saying "but you had no idea last time". Once someone has seriously fucked you around, you never really get past it. It damages you for the long-term.

OP - in my case - I could forgive (he was/is a nice guy and our marriage was shit) but I couldn't forget. Once the trust has gone I really think it's bloody hard to get it back. It eats away at you. I hope you're OK - sounds shit for you.

PorkyandBess · 17/04/2012 22:22

I trust him implicitly.

LadyWord · 17/04/2012 22:25

Oh dear I came on the thread to say no, I don't think 100% trust makes any sense - I'm seriously outnumbered!

To me it just seems like tempting fate to say that. I think me and DP are well-suited, love each other and have a good relationship - with a few annoyances etc - but I also think you can't ever know another person completely, and people change. If I found out he was cheating I'd be very upset, but I couldn't say "I can swear he'll never cheat" or anything like that. Anybody can do anything, it depends on the circumstances.

That doesn't mean I "don't trust him" in some kind of suspicious, negative way, or think he's an "untrustworthy" person - I just think it's an odd attitude to take. Especially when as the OP says, it does happen - a LOT.

Original poster
Buckfollocks · 17/04/2012 22:26

Anyfucker - because I am pregnant, scared of leaving in this state, am living a fairly comfortable life, don't think I could cope with the changes and also scared that I would never find anyone else.

Writing it down it all sound so pathetic and needy but I do love him. I have never really trusted anyone ever, see too many reasons not too all around me every day. Go ahead analyse my lack of self esteem/respect blah blah but I am 29 weeks pregnant FFS, not exactly feeling at my strongest right now.

OP posts:
Dawnybabe · 17/04/2012 22:28

I'm kind of in the same boat. Sad

I know my dh has a problem with porn. I have posted about it on here before. Yesterday I discovered links to live chat sites with webcam and women etc. He knows I don't like it and I have threatened him with divorce (yeah right) but to be honest I cannot imagine what the fuck else I would do with my life. I have no family or financial support other than his and I don't really want to end my marriage over his problem.

Will be watching this thread with interest.

BertieBotts · 17/04/2012 22:29

I trust DP 100%, but also know there is always a possibility that he could cheat. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. I know that he could, I don't think for a moment that he would.

I also trust him to tell me the truth, though, I think sneaking around and trying to find things out that way would break me :(

Sorry to hear you're in this situation, OP.

Maryz · 17/04/2012 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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