Yes, and can we explode some myths about cheating types?
Based on my h- who cheated for 5 and a half years, we have been together 22 years):
- they are not all womanising 'types'
- they may have great personal politics, or appear to for years
-they may love their children very much, or if less than they should (as it clearly is), you would not know it, as they dont even see that in themselves
- they often deny even to themselves what they are doing, let alone you
-they come home from work and tell head-shaking stories about the mid life crisis man or other cheater who is 'playing a mugs game' and 'risking everything'
- they have often disliked dishonesty as a trait and advice their children against it.
- they probably dont go out anywhere much that you dont know about, or which appears at all suspicious.
I would never have believed it until I stumbled on the evidence. And even then I was persuaded otherwise, and more than once. Sometimes it does appear to 'fit' the person. Because we make the mistake of thinking that there is a type, or a sub type, and there is not.
And the type of cheating may shock too- so my h has always been a keen fan of women's equality, and has argued it and supported it at work, with friends and at home. He also disapproves of leering men, sleazing over young girls He is aware of politics to do with age and gender, race etc.
However, he cheated by sex chatting a couple of hundred girls aged 18 (one hopes to god) to mid twenties. He liked to be, can you actually believe, "in control" of the questioning. Oh, and he is 50 himself.
Really, you never can tell.