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Original poster

Do any of you actually trust your husbands?

214 replies

Buckfollocks · 17/04/2012 19:56

Just been reading some 'I think he's cheating on me/sleeping with escorts' threads and am wondering if (and how) any of you can actually trust your husbands?

The statistics are pretty daunting regarding number of men who have slept around, either with escorts or affair/one night stands.

How do youa ll get through it? I am having a relationship crisis on the trust front at the moment and would appreciate any advice......

TIA

OP posts:
LikeARollingStone · 17/04/2012 20:16

I think that's an important point. He knows I don't need him and I'm with him through choice...

TheScottishPlayer · 17/04/2012 20:16

Completely. He's far too honest about everything in life. I don't think he could look at himself in the mirror if he cheated on me.

008 · 17/04/2012 20:17

I trust him, as much as I trust myself. I love him and I know he loves me. We are both devoted to our family, each other and our lives together.

I don`t know that neither of us will ever cheat. But I believe that, if we keep talking to each other and listening to each other, that we can steer our life together in a direction that makes us both happy.

treadonthecracks · 17/04/2012 20:17

Yes I trust DH, he's too shy to cheat. Plus I have control of all the finances, so could see any cheating pretty easily.

Nagoo · 17/04/2012 20:17

To keep it in his pants? Yes.

To empty the litter tray while I am out at work? No.

openerofjars · 17/04/2012 20:19

Utterly and completely, because he talks (coherently) in his sleep when he is under stress Grin and cannot even manage socially acceptable white lies about how big my bum looks in given pieces of clothing.

He may have his moments but he is trustworthy to a fault.

LikeARollingStone · 17/04/2012 20:19

Agree with 008, plus you can't prevent someone from cheating do not worth worrying about. You can only keep your relationship as fufilling as it can be for both of you, circumstances permitting.

GotMyLittleLamb · 17/04/2012 20:20

I trust my DH 100%, but also he is pretty rubbish at lying so I would know immediately.

We have been together 9 years and he is just not the type.

garlicnutter · 17/04/2012 20:23

So, Buckfollocks, what does your relationship crisis on the trust front look like?

I do think if you feel uneasy there's a reason. Can take some courage to look closely at it. Also, people who insist on trust are the ones you shouldn't! It's like those people who keep saying "This is the truth, I'm not lying ..." or that they'd never hit a woman/child. If it's true, there's no need to insist.

Neverever · 17/04/2012 20:28

Yes I trust mine too completely.

garlicnutter · 17/04/2012 20:29

Shirley Glass says people cheat because they're not putting enough in to their home relationship. IME, this is true. When you feel like you're "working" at it all on your own, the thing to do is make him work harder, not keep on giving more.

You can't guarantee fidelity, though, or prevent it.

Ilovehimtoo · 17/04/2012 20:30

I trust mine. I just don't trust myself and he shouldn't either.

spottymerlin · 17/04/2012 20:30

My Dad had an affair from when I was aged 4 to 8. He only stopped when his mistresss called and told my Mum who was devastated. As a child I asked him why and he told me it was becuase my Mum wouldn't have sex with him.
My Mum didnt have the courage to leave and instead they stayed together, continuously rowing, bickering, constantly declaring divorce, and most Friday's guilt ridden flowers came home with my Dad.
I only wish they had have split up becuase then my Dad would finally have got the punishment he so desires, instead of constantly trying to pick a fight with everyone to be shouted at to make himself feel better, and then my Mum might have an ounce of self respect and not behave like a doormat to the entire world.
So I grew up with a very distorted perception of men and marriage. However I feel like my husband is a million times the man my Dad is and 99% of the time i trust him with everything, i mean i'm trusting him to be the father of my children, and after my own childhood, it means the world to me that he is a good role model and that our relationship is a good model. It's only on very very bad days that a little paranoia creeps in and a tiny seed of doubt crosses my mind, but he is wonderful and i only have to ask and he reassures me and knows i love him with all my heart and do trust him otherwise i wouldnt have married him or be having his child :)

puds11 · 17/04/2012 20:35

not sure i trust anyone. Whenever i do trust someone, it always seems to turn out that they have lied to me.

sternface · 17/04/2012 20:36

Sorry, but I think some of these posts are naive. People write as though unfaithful people have two heads and are somehow distinguishable from the rest of society. Good people cheat. Good people get tempted. Good people make terrible mistakes. No-one can say with any certainty whether a partner will stray and if you'd asked someone before they had, all would have told you that they'd never thought they would be capable of it themselves let alone a partner whose actions they cannot control. Unless anyone can prove they've been in a situation where someone they fancied made an approach and if they'd responded, no-one would have been any the wiser and they STILL said no, no-one knows what they are personally capable of. There will also be situations and times in people's lives when weakness is more likely too.

Trust is a different matter though. You can trust a partner not to cheat on you and you can trust yourself even more. But you can never say never.

ByTheSea · 17/04/2012 20:37

Yes, I totally trust mine not to cheat on me.

Ragwort · 17/04/2012 20:37

No Sad - and after 10 years of marriage I could have written any of the comments that you have all written above ..... but my DH did cheat (and yes, I had control of all the bank accounts, he was 'a good man', totally ethical, honest, Church goer Hmm, pillar of society, blah blah blah ) ................... but he did cheat.

We 'worked through it', marriage counselling etc etc and are still together twelve years later but I would never, ever put myself again in that rather 'smug' category of always trusting my DH.

Original poster
Buckfollocks · 17/04/2012 20:38

garlicnutter its a bit of an arse really - I have been hacking into email accounts etc and have discovered that he has registered with an adult site. He also sent an email through this site to an escort to check her availablity. " days before Christmas. I am 29 weeks pregnant. There, I've said it all out loud.

Does that count as a crisis of trust???

Can't talk to anyone in RL - don't all get high and mighty and tell me to leave him. I don't want to leave, i am about to have a baby. The email was unanswered and there has been no other activity on the site.

I'm a paranoid person anyway and being pregnant doesn't exactly boost your self esteem IME.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 17/04/2012 20:39

Well written sternface - I think there is a tendancy to view 'cheating partners' as different to the rest of us, but they aren't.

GrimmaTheNome · 17/04/2012 20:39

Yes, I trust mine. We've been together over 30 years now. He's never given me reason not to.

Original poster
Buckfollocks · 17/04/2012 20:39
  • should be 2 days before Christmas!
OP posts:
maybenow · 17/04/2012 20:39

i trust my dh completely. he has his faults, but he wouldn't have an affair, i know he wouldn't.. he's more likely to work too hard, get really stressed, shut himself off from all human contact, and play too much xbox.

oikopolis · 17/04/2012 20:40

i trust DH because he's never given me a reason not to. if he broke my trust, we'd have to go from there.

in my view every relationship is a gamble, at any given moment you make the best decision you can about whether or not to trust... and then you make adjustments from there, based on behaviour.

RightFedUp · 17/04/2012 20:40

I would have bet my life and the lives of my children that my DH of 20+ years, who everyone liked and trusted, wouldn't dream of ever cheating.
But he did.

Purplehonesty · 17/04/2012 20:40

Yes totally trust him.

Plus he has no time/energy to have an affair!