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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do any of you actually trust your husbands?

214 replies

Buckfollocks · 17/04/2012 19:56

Just been reading some 'I think he's cheating on me/sleeping with escorts' threads and am wondering if (and how) any of you can actually trust your husbands?

The statistics are pretty daunting regarding number of men who have slept around, either with escorts or affair/one night stands.

How do youa ll get through it? I am having a relationship crisis on the trust front at the moment and would appreciate any advice......

TIA

OP posts:
Kaloobear · 17/04/2012 21:03

Yes.

jamaisjedors · 17/04/2012 21:05

Sorry things are complicated for you OP.

YourCallIsImportant · 17/04/2012 21:05

I was just thinking about this the other day. My DH is going to Spain next week on a stag do and I completely trust him not to go shagging about.

Would I trust him to take the DCs for haircuts though? No chance. Grin

stargazy · 17/04/2012 21:06

Mollynp and Ragwort in same boat as you.Trusted my DH completely.Teased him about his 'girlfriends' at work,never once thought to look at his phone.But he got tempted and his head turned by OW who developed massive crush on him.Thankfully found out before got physical but still regard the secrecy and texting / sexting as an affair and cheating.Two years on we've worked hard to repair damage and will stay together.Only stayed because he put massive effort into understanding how he lost the plot.Now I realise nothing is ever certain.Much as I'd like it to be.

TheSecondComing · 17/04/2012 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

14UnitsMyArse · 17/04/2012 21:10

I absolutely trust my dh 100% if I didn't I wouldn't be with him he is one of the good guys Grin

SurprisinglyCurvaceousPirate · 17/04/2012 21:14

Buck, I don't think many women would post about their trusting/loving relationships on threads where women were sharing stories about the shit time they're having - wouldn't feel right Sad.

In the same way you don't often read about the wonderful MILs, you don't see many celebrations of husbands because those of us who think/know we're happily married don't tend to mention it.

Maryz · 17/04/2012 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sheeplikessleep · 17/04/2012 21:17

Yes

Ilovehimtoo · 17/04/2012 21:18

I wonder how many of these 'trustworthy' husbands are secretly texting, emailing, meeting up with or lusting after other women?

It's so easy these days with smart phones and things start so innocently.

perfumedlife · 17/04/2012 21:19

I trust my dh very much indeed but have to say I wouldn't trust anyone 100%.

Simply because I don't know anyone 100% inside and out. And wouldnt want to. Nor would I want them to know me 100%.

An element of mystery is useful I find Wink

akaemmafrost · 17/04/2012 21:21

I would never trust anyone again. Everyone has the capacity to do the unthinkable.

However I would outwardly SHOW trust and ACT with trust until shown otherwise iyswim?

I would not make new people I meet pay for my past experiences but I would never be surprised by betrayal.

chipmonkey · 17/04/2012 21:23

I trust dh 100%. I know he would never cheat on me.

So sorry you're having to go through all that, OP.Sad

GlitterKitty · 17/04/2012 21:23

I choose to trust mine, I have no reason not to. Having said that I do think most men are capable of cheating if given the right incentive.

I too work with a lot of men who I know for a fact are looking around. Their wives I'm sure have no idea.

molly3478 · 17/04/2012 21:26

I trust him 100% and he is best mates with my brother and they havent been anywhere without each other in about 8 years. DH is more likely to be with my bro on a xbox sesh than getting with a woman [sadcase lol] Grin

Maryz · 17/04/2012 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trickle · 17/04/2012 21:30

I trust mine not to cheat on me - not like he's not had opportunity over the last 10 years he just has chosen not to, I'd trust he's leave before cheating, but he's never cheated on anyone in his life.

He goes out all night to play x-box with a friend, he's doing that about once a fortnight at the moment, but come September he won't be abel to do that anymore so he is making the most of it now. I don't have a problem with it as long as he can function the next day.

Other things - not so much, from bitter experience but it's always a choice to wake up and stay with someone, I'm no angel. Every relationship is a compromise and some people compromise on fidelity - each to their own.

katnisseverdeen · 17/04/2012 21:31

I trust my DH,I always have but especially now we're together literally 24/7 Wink

If for whatever reason he broke my trust it would be game over, I wouldn't, couldnt stay once that trust had gone.

Op I'm so sorry for what you've found and at such a vunerable time too, it would be a deal breaker for me but I hope if you want to work through things it works out well for you

molly3478 · 17/04/2012 21:34

It depends on loads of things like dh works in a 100% male workforce and never sees any women. I work in a 100% female workforce and never see any men except for the old bloke that empties the bins once a week

javotte · 17/04/2012 21:36

I trust him completely. I couldn't have married him if I didn't. Neither of us would ever, ever cheat.

fluffiphlox · 17/04/2012 21:39

I trust mine. A male friend asked him if he would cheat on me (not with him!)if it could be 100% guaranteed that I wouldn't know and his reply was that he (DH) would still know even if I didn't.
There was a thread this week about someone who had found a phone in her DHs car and for many posters there didn't seem that there could be an innocent explanation (there was) which seemed to be an indictment of the men they'd chosen to be in relationships with, rather than a fair reflection of the majority of men I know (friends, family, colleagues) who are decent.

ettiketti · 17/04/2012 21:44

Totally 100% trust him, he's fantastic, adores me and the feeling is completely mutual.

WhatTheCatDraggedIn · 17/04/2012 21:48

I would say that I trust mine completely, but I'm not sure it's the right way to put it.

He has never even considered having sex outside of a long term relationship, for him it's something he would never contemplate.

So I know he could never be unfaithful, which is different from trusting him IYKWIM?

I don't keep tabs on him. In fact, he used to go travelling without me quite frequently (he was self-employed so could take a lot more time off than me) and on one trip he ended up travelling with a 25 yo blonde Swiss girl, including sharing a tent with her, in a tropical country where everone wore very little clothes. She came to visit us a year or two later and he's visited her (and her now husband) in Switzerland.

If a woman did come onto him he would run a mile (I know, I had to chase after him...)! Grin

amillionyears · 17/04/2012 21:52

Yes.Works so hard he wouldnt have the time, and he works local so everyone knows where he is and what he is up to.

WhatTheCatDraggedIn · 17/04/2012 21:52

Buckfollocks - is there no one in RL you can talk to? Really sorry you have found yourself in this situation.

Is there anything else that has given you doubts?

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