Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 3

[CailinDana]

The first two parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

I think there is a general tendency to blame the victim. My mother acted like I was just being annoying by trying to talk about the abuse, she clearly thought I was shit stirring. It didn't occur to her that I might need her help. I often think she has the emotional maturity of a ten year old.

I'm off to bed, hope everyone sleeps well x

Cailin :o can I be the fred pet pwease, a gwumpy old puddy tat who has mad half hours!

Dotty, when I said blood is thicker than water I meant metaphorically, a lot of people are abused by friends or aquaintances as well as being blamed for it by relations, hope you get some peaceful sleep tonight, xx

Right, I'm taking my overworked and tediously paranoid brain off to bed, nightxx

Coffee didn't even notice it was on about what someone else said was told that by Shona the local DC after my mother wouldn't answer her questions

Unfortunately I think my sleeps been disturbed because the dreams I've been having as triggeged some subconsciinse sleep anxiety was nice while it lasted ( not the dreams they where awful ) xx

I need to take a break from ths thread.

I am not sure that sharing my experience is helping me or anyone else.

Good luck all. X. I am ok so don't worry. I need to focus my energy elsewhere.

Just saw your post now TOTU. It was good having you on the thread. I hope you're doing ok x

Hugs for you dotty, I hope you at least got some sleep.

Welcome LittleMiss and OhNoReally x

Little Miss, no wonder you're having nightmares - this man is threatening to invade your safe space. But it's good if it's encouraged you to come on here and hopefully find the help and support to say no to him and to your Nan. She is as much an abuser as he is, because she continues to mentally abuse you and force you to have him in your life. I know you're clinging on to the idea of having some family, but she will never be the family you need.

Can you confide at least a little in your partner and ask him to be strong for you and to tell your Nan that she cannot come?

I think it would be really helpful for you to read Toxic Parents as this is what your Nan has been to you - it may help you to see through her cruel and manipulative treatment and give you the strength to create healthy boundaries.

OhNo - I read your other thread, don't beat yourself up for not being able to stand up to this creepy guy. There's a part of you that was damaged at 12 years old, and that part of you is stuck at being a frightened little girl who doesn't have the capability or support to stand up to creeps. When someone like this man triggers the same reactions as your abuse did, it's natural to panic and to freeze. Give that 12 year old you a hug and promise her you'll look after her and won't let anyone hurt her.

I only got as far as you told your DH and he just said 'great'. Has he responded any further? Maybe you need to spell it out to him - really break it down to the 'ABCs' of what's happened and how it's affected you, ie: "This guy has really frightened me; I don't feel capable of standing up to him; I need you to be strong for me and tell him in no uncertain terms to fuck off."

If you can't get that support from your DH, PM me the guys email address and I'll tell him to fuck off for you, if you like! What a wanker.

OhNo - I just read the rest of your other thread (here). I'm so sorry about your DH's reaction. Does he know about the childhood abuse? Did he find it hard to handle?

You really need to spell out to him: I need your support here; I'm scared of this man; please help me; stop being a knob; none of this is my fault.

So much of your language on the other thread is about guilt, so hug that 12 year old girl tight and tell her this from me: none of this is your fault. You did nothing to ask for or invite this attention. If this gets out and upsets the family, it is all this other guys' fault for behaving badly. If your DH or anyone else cannot understand that, that is their problem. You are a good person. You have done nothing wrong. You have nothing to feel guilty about and nothing to feel responsible for.

Ps, ChipsAhoy - in all of this, I forgot to say hi! Mine started when I was 15, so you're not the 'oldest' here and you're very welcome

Totu, can I say you have helped me tremendously, I wish you and your DC all the best, x

Avalon, hope you're ok, big hugs, x

Cailin, I'm taking a break too, I need to work on some issues in myself, thankyou for this thread, stay strong, x

Hugs and to everybody who shared their experiences and posted for the first time last night. You are all so brave and knowing that you've managed to survive is massively encouraging and strengthening.

TOTU Thank you immensely for all your posts and reassurances, I hope your DCs remain well. Hope DS makes 100% recovery from his treatment. God bless.xx

Coffee Love ya! Take care of yourself, thanks a million for your help. You have really encouraged me.xx (big hugs too)

Coffee meantt to say I also hope you manage to work through your issues successfully. x

Good luck coffee, we'll miss you and TOTU both. Pop in to say hi if you're around, and let us know how things are going xx

Ah Coffee, but you've just inspired me to revive my ChocMalt Horlicks habit!

Wish you and TOTU all the best, and lots of strength, happiness and support x

will miss you to you've both been really supportive to everyone xx

He's getting charged on Thursday this week he knows he's been off sick and is going down with his wife x

How are you feeling about it dotty?

I've actually known for 3 weeks but wasn't allowed to say anything until he'd been charged but she's had to tell him because he's off sick up here and its dragging on so thats why he had to be told x

So i've gotten used to the idea and feel so much relief she says he'll be a fool not to admit it they have so much evidence against him xx

Haha, love ya too Avalon :o

Berts, keep up the Ahorlicks, x

Dotty, good luck, x

Cailin, I'll be back, just starting to mn speak in RL .

Look after the newbies and yourselves am really going this time arrrggghhh :o

Dotty that's great news! I hope he goes to jail for a really long time, and that the day he gets out a giant rock falls from the sky and squishes him like a bug!

Hurrah! And lots of hugs x

That really is great dotty, I am so so pleased for you.

No guarantee of conviction but its a step forward x

Great news Dotty! I hope they throw away the key.

that's great news Dotty

I had my first session of counselling today, and been feeling fragile,angry and overwhelmed since. cooked pizza for tea and just had a nice bath so feeling a bit better now.

at the session I was able to explain the circumstances of the abuse (childminders teenage son-i was about 6) and also talked about the low level creepiness that my father inflicted (and still does) on me, and how it all has affected my perception of life and my self -worth.

anyone else here going through or gone through R&SA counselling? I feel like i am at the start of yet another uphill struggle and wonder if it is worth doing the counselling and how I will cope with the feelings it brings up.