Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 3

[CailinDana]

The first two parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Í did mine at rape crisis centre and it is bloody hard work but IMHO worth every awful moment of it. It is a rollercoaster journey, I called mine to an end last friday and have been told if further down the line I crumble again to get back in touch x

At the beginning of my sessions it was when I first fully disclosed the horror of it all to the police and I was near a nervous breakdown and it took up to 3 days to recover after the early sessions you'll get there stick at it. Xx

Hang in there boom. It's very hard going at first but if it's a good counsellor then the result can be fantastic. My advice would be to have about 4 sessions and see how you feel. After a couple of sessions you should start to feel like it's beginning to help. The counsellor should let you do most of the talking. If he or she is doing a lot of talking, telling you what to think or being harshly critical of what you say then it's time to be wary. There are plenty of fantastic counsellors out there but there are plenty of shit ones too. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable. You should feel free to say anything and you shouldn't feel criticised or belittled.

I really hope it goes well for you.

Morning! Afternoon Well its been a wet day here so I've got an excuse!

How are you today Dotty?

I hope the counselling gives you the help and support you need theycall I agree with Cailin, that you need to persist providing the counsellor is good.

The resurging feelings are awful, but are actually a positive thing, as you need to allow yourself to feel in order to get past it, and stop those emotions from having a debilitating hold over you in the future. You'll start to feel better and stronger after a while hopefully.x

Hiya Avalon. Horrible weather here too. We've been out to toddler group and DS is asleep now so I'm just chilling and eating chocolate healthy stuff.

How are you?

Hi Avalon I'm ok bloody tired though intended to blitz the place today only managed kitchen and livingroom still not done floors DD1's been here all morning she had lunch and has gone might go for a sleeo lazy bugger weathers orrible here as well.

Cailin afternoon enjoy your chocolate and peace x

I need to eat more 'healthily' too! Is the horrible weather all over Britain when is the summer coming?

I think I'm O.K. Well DP has spoken to me about his side of what when wrong this weekend. I was really really hurt. Anyway I wasn't talking and he said if I wouldn't talk then I should at least listen to what he had to say.

He said he thought I was expressing discontent with our relationship in general, and once he got that idea in his head he stopped listening. He said he should have added up the dots, because I had been mentioning the abuse thread, and my abuse, and had stopped wanting sex at roughly the same time, but he didn't connect it.

When I asked why wasn't it obvious, he said listening to me talk about the abuse makes him angry, frustrated and upset, and he tries not think about it afterwards. He said that some of the things I've said in the past have upset him (for eg. I have been confused about my abuser - from wishing him dead to wanting to find him to see if he's o.k. - I KNOW that sounds bloody awful and weird and he said he finds that hard to understand, understandably)

He apologised, said he should never have gone off etc, has tried to be affectionate since. I really don't know what to think. Emotional trust is so difficult for me. We are talking now, and I can understand what he says, but I am finding it difficult to open up again.

He also said he may not be the best person for me to talk to about the abuse, although he will always listen. So that means for me, that I'll have no other option but to talk to a counsellor or something when I want to talk, and I'mI'm frightened it'll be a disaster. I feel trapped inside me again.

To talk in to real life at least. You guys have been fab! Back later.

How are you feeling towards your DP now Avalon?

Avalon- This sounds to me like you have had a bit of a break through. He has admitted that he does not understand and that he will not be the best person to talk to. That does not mean he doesn't care (although it totally feels like it).

If you need help then try and contact a counsellor. I haven't even told my husband much of what happened. I once told him that I was looking at booking some therapy sessions and he didn't even ask why. He doesn't want to know. But I think this is a way of defending himself - he probably couldn't cope with the truth so he would be glad of someone else taking that responsibility.

Sometimes I resent him for not asking any questions at all though. I think if it were me I would be more supportive.

My DH tries his very best to be supportive but I have learned over the years that he isn't the best person to talk to. He would listen and listen till the cows come home but I think because he's my DH he's too close to the situation to provide anything more than practical support such as facilitating me seeing a counsellor or picking up the slack if I have a bad day. I have explained how I feel and how it affects me but I'm not sure he really gets it, even though he tries. Sometimes I have to spell it out to him. In a way, I'm glad he doesn't understand. I would hate for him to really understand how I feel at times.

We finally talked last night in the car (always in the car) asked him how the hell he's put up with all my crap he says its because he loves me he knows the full story of the abuse told him 6 months ago.

Basically he doesn't care what I'm like he accepts I'm up and down wish at times he wouldn't as I have been such a bitch in the past (not now) x

We finally talked last night in the car (always in the car) asked him how the hell he's put up with all my crap he says its because he loves me he knows the full story of the abuse told him 6 months ago.

Basically he doesn't care what I'm like he accepts I'm up and down wish at times he wouldn't as I have been such a bitch in the past (not now) x

Hi thanks for the advice, it does feel like its all coming out 'physically' , I ache all over as well as feeling very fragile. got both DC's ill off school today which I could have done without but hey ho.

avalon i am frightened counselling will be a disaster for me as well, i think the R&SA counselors are aware of how scary it can be, they understand that it might not work out, or might take several attempts, or be something that you stop and start/take or leave. I think most areas have a telephone support line, maybe this would be a good starting point?

My DP was really quite 'off' with me yesterday until later on when he made me some food as I had forgotten to eat. Like your partner, avalon, he feels he is not the best person to talk to, but he can help in other ways,like making sure I eat,making sure i get enough rest and sleep and stuff like that.

i hope you all have a good day, despite this rain!

Aw Avalon, he sounds like a good man, he himself sounds like he would throttle the guy given half the chance, he does have too understand that you are going through a massive trauma even if he can't deal with it. I too have very mixed feelings about my abusers. The guy who raped me at 14, I used to adore him and I have to get over that to move forward. Is your DH willing to support you, with the understanding you have a lot to work out but without telling him the finer details? big hugs.

Boom, when I started councelling I hated it for a few days before and a few days after, now I enjoy it as I can see how much I've changed plus I have someone to share with when something clicks. Do be wary in how your councellor behaves but I hope it works well, good luck,x

Hi everybody, I only lasted less than 24hrs in being away, dang :o

I was the same coffee in fact first proper session I walked away as I was to ashamed to wait outside it's opposite police station and I know a lot of them.

Used to go in panic mode night before and took at least 2 days to recover worst one was 23rd December had a crap christmas anyway but made it worse that I'd been 2 days before x

Heh welcome back coffee I'm glad you didn't stay away x

I get sort of flu-like symptoms when I've had a flashback or when I've talked out loud about what happened. It feels almost like I've run a really long race and at the same time I'm coming down with something. It can last quite a long time. It's effect of adrenaline I think, from the fear you experience when talking about the abuse.

Cailinn I used to have really funny turns every time I spoke to the DC about what was hsappening felt like walls where closing in and had to get out of the house but that was an awfully commomn feeling for me at first hated being in the house was terrified.

Cailin that's not helping :o I have a serious rl problem, houses are property porn and my DS goes when I call him "DS"

Dotty, I used to get claustrophobic too, did discover it was to do with early abuse though. Hopefully next xmas will be better.

Yeah I find myself thinking a lot in MN speak, thankfully I haven't said out loud - yet!

Cailin, is that true about flu like symptoms? if it is that explains why half the time flu stuff never works! Thankyou, xx.

I knew about the physical stuff but not the adrenaline stuff. Crap, that explains a hell of a lot.

Erm, is this why I have a massive chest infection and conjunctivitis too?

Not surprised really, and both my CBT counsellor and the health visitor said that stress was probably killing my immune system

When you're in the midst of a flashback or talking about something really upsetting you're likely to be producing adrenaline which makes your heart speed up. Once you start to calm down the after effects feel a lot like flu - though you don't actually have flu. If you're under long term stress you secrete the hormone cortisol and that suppresses your immune system so you're a lot more likely to get ill. It also makes you feel quite ill - it's that tired, sicky, panicky feeling. Dealing with this shit doesn't just have mental repercussions unfortunately.

Berts over the last few months I've had countless mouth ulcers and styes which I never get.

Coffee the xmas problem was the memories that came back the reson I know how old I was because of what IT bought me that christmas remember it so vividly. x