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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 3

999 replies

CailinDana · 16/04/2012 17:38

The first two parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

OP posts:
Original poster
CailinDana · 23/04/2012 22:21

You need to get your grandparents out of your life.

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 23/04/2012 22:21

Even though you where an adult he would of had you under his control nothing you could of done my sister was 19 but didnt remember until reminded by my other sister that she used to go into the bedroom with him he was abusing me at the same time.

theycallmemrsboombastic · 23/04/2012 22:26

Hi all, I have been away from mumsnet for a while,as was unwell and paranoid (can pm you my old usernames) but I am back now,I was one of the ones who asked for a thread for us survivors so I am pleased we now have this space.

I have my first session with a R&SA counsellor tomorrow, its taken me a long time to feel 'up to' counselling about what I went through, and I have no idea how its going to go, i may well find it too much as I have bipolar, but am going to give it a try.

best wishes to you all and I look forward to getting to know you and us all helping each other

boom x

Original poster
CailinDana · 23/04/2012 22:30

Hi mrsboombastic. I hope your session tomorrow goes well.

OP posts:
CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 23/04/2012 22:31

Hi Boom, hope your councelling goes alright, I'm relatively new so didn't know there was a request for this thread, nice to meet you though.

littlemissangrypants · 23/04/2012 22:33

I know i need to walk away from them. I just feel like i've lost so much already and not sure if i can let go of the pretend family my gran is to me. After ten years in care as a little child and being totally alone it just hurts to finally see my gran like this. she did know. I used to beg and scream for help. She used to beat me the next day. She was not normal. She should have protected me , not punish. I've known it for years but i just didn't want to think badly of the one person i have left from my original family. it really hurts

Original poster
CailinDana · 23/04/2012 22:35

:( littlemiss. A big big hug for you.

OP posts:
CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 23/04/2012 22:38

Littlemiss, I know it hurts, big hugs, but in our cases blood is not thicker than water. If you need to stay in contact with them do, just don't let them into your home, I'm going through similar and have to keep my home my safe place, xx

dottyspotty2 · 23/04/2012 22:39

Littlemiss you could still go to the police if you wanted to. Xx

chipsahoynicki · 23/04/2012 22:42

Thank you.

I'm so sorry others are going through this. My story in brief. I was 14, he was 10 years older, he was violent, he forced himself on my often. He harrassed and stalked me, often raping me until I was 17. At 17, i was raped by a group of much older men. At 21, the man who abused me at 14 found me again.
I've since moved away. I have a good life now, in terms of what I have.. love support, husband, kids, but I suffer with PTSD.
Thanks for the welcome, I will go back and read the other posts, hopefully i'll be able to contribute.

littlemissangrypants · 23/04/2012 22:43

I don't think i want to. it sounds terrible but he is very old and very ill. I know this is going to sound horrible but i'm waiting for him to die. One day i will see him cold and dead in the ground and i wont have to feel unsafe again. He wont be able to hurt me. I know i will still have stuff to deal with but the big monster will finally be gone. I know it's not healhty or good to think that but i can't seem to help it

Original poster
CailinDana · 23/04/2012 22:44

So sorry all that happened to you chips. How awful. Thank you for sharing your story.

OP posts:
Original poster
CailinDana · 23/04/2012 22:46

I'm glad you want to see him dead littlemiss. That is a very healthy reaction to what he did to you.

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 23/04/2012 22:47

Littlemiss no it doesn't my so called brother was in the faulklands after the war and I wished at the time he'd been there during it and been killed x

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 23/04/2012 22:51

Chips, so sorry, big hugs, you are already contributing, you have achieved so much with having your DH/DC, ptsd is horrible though.

Littlemiss, I don't think it's unhealthy, you've every right to feel that way just don't let it consume you, x

Original poster
CailinDana · 23/04/2012 23:06

Are you ok littlemiss?

OP posts:
theycallmemrsboombastic · 23/04/2012 23:10

hugs to you chips and well done for sharing what happened, that's so brave, even though I didn't go through anywhere near as bad as you I am still unable to say it out loud without vomiting and only recently was able to write it down (which i then burned)

has anyone on here read 'the courage to heal' ? I have owned it for about 5 years but only recently been able to read it, its helped me to feel strong enough to seek further help and has helped in other ways too.

Original poster
CailinDana · 23/04/2012 23:11

I haven't read it boom but others on the thread have mentioned it and have said it was very helpful.

OP posts:
Amitolamummy · 23/04/2012 23:12

Hello everyone. I've just remembered a period of my childhood where I wasn't being abused :) I was still being emotionally abused by my mother and sister (physically by my sister too) but the sexual abuse was only once every few months asopposed to daily.
Whenever my sister and i had blazing rows our mother would threaten to phone our father to come home. He was working away. We were terrified of him coming back and she was well aware of why. Thats not right is it?
There wasn't much right about any of my childhood. My mother blamed me for everything he did to me. She never said it but it was always very obvious.

dottyspotty2 · 23/04/2012 23:17

Boom I got it recently I was recommended it by a friend made me see how it wasn't me and I've started putting the pieces in place remembering other things, the rape crisis centre counsellor gave me beginning to heal as a starter book after the first session the DC sent me to.

Original poster
CailinDana · 23/04/2012 23:17

Hi Amitola, I don't recognise your name, have you posted before?

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 23/04/2012 23:21

Amito what do you mean ONLY every few months once is once to many times hugs xx

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 23/04/2012 23:22

Hi Amitola, so sorry you went through that, it's difficult to find parts of childhood which isn't abusive. I've struggled to find good times with my mother and can only find one. One in 15 years of living with her, it's so sad.

Lots of activity tonight Cailin, I'm a bit overwhelmed, will say night, x

Original poster
CailinDana · 23/04/2012 23:26

I hope you're ok coffee. Sleep well pet x

Sorry amitola I only asked about posting before because it seemed that you were following on from an earlier story and I was worried I'd missed you Blush
It is rather fast moving tonight.

What your mother said and did definitely was not right.

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 23/04/2012 23:28

Cailin sadly I've been told by DC that when blood family is the abuser it is to common for parents to treat the victim like we are treated

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