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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 2

996 replies

CailinDana · 27/03/2012 14:40

The original thread is here

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Some useful links from the previous thread:

Samaritans
National Association for People Abused in Childhood
Rape Crisis
Pandoras, a chat room for survivors and their families, American based
Mosac, for non abusing parents and carers, London based
Women against rape self help guide to court

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 15/04/2012 01:35

I also want to do the regression and told the DC this but she has said if I had of they wouldn't of been able to use it against him all I want to know is how young I was I don't know why it is so important to me it just is.

bamboo24 · 15/04/2012 01:36

Maybe it encourages the idea of being a victim. I don't know if that's necessarily a bad thing though. Maybe it's more to encourage to accept that despite being victims, we have nothing to be ashamed of.

I know lots of people don't like to "label" themselves as victims, but I don't really know what the alternative is. I definitely went through something horrible, I was definitely victimised, I think I definitely feel like a victim. And I don't think victim is a derrogatory term.

But obviously I can understand everyone has different opinions and different sensitivities too.

PlinkPaSta · 15/04/2012 01:36

Yes false memory syndrome does not exsist too tired to spell

Think I've also suggessted why don't I just fucking tattoo it to my head like leper or something.

Victim blaming, not sure but I don't have a great perspective.

bamboo24 · 15/04/2012 01:45

I think I'll be heading off now too :) Thanks again for tonight.

PlinkPaSta · 15/04/2012 01:48

Dotty, I've read bad stuff about regression in abuse survivors.

dottyspotty2 · 15/04/2012 01:50

As I said I don't know why I need to know

PlinkPaSta · 15/04/2012 02:37

Crap I missed the shitty thread with the offensive op, well done Cailin and Dotty.

Dotty, I know you need to know but I'd strongly advise against regression.

and faith churches, fortune tellers etc

Original poster
CailinDana · 15/04/2012 06:42

Morning :) Here I am at the crack of dawn.

I don't really like the idea of the victim card. Being a victim isn't a condition in the way that diabetes or epilepsy is, handing a card to someone will only cause them to make assumptions about me that aren't necessarily true. I can see how it might be beneficial in some circumstances but in general I think the main effect of it would be to make the other person feel uncomfortable and unsure what to do. People are so clueless about the effects of abuse that they just wouldn't know what to do, I think.

Perhaps in the future, if people are more aware of what being a "victim" means, it might be more helpful.

OP posts:
NHAN · 15/04/2012 07:41

I was just very offended that the lady who suggested the card thought I would be a mess forever to be honest. It wasn't specificially aimed am me but I took it quite personallly that she was suggesting none of us would ever be ok to see a dentist because it is too invasive, that things like smears would be impossible.
It just made me more determined to be able to do these things like everyone else. I feel uncomfortable having teeth pulled out and I don't think a smear will ever be fun but I do them because thats part of life and i'm not letting my abusers make me into something faulty anymore than I have too.
If that makes any sense at all. More sleep would have been good!

I would agree with being very careful about regression. Hypnotherapy unblocked alot of memories for me but it at a pace i was not ready for and I really struggled

Original poster
CailinDana · 15/04/2012 07:44

I agree with what you say NHAN. FWIW I don't like the dentist or smears but I can go for both without much trouble.

OP posts:
DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore · 15/04/2012 08:24

Morning everyone.
Another hideous night on the sleeping pills. feel like nothing is every going to work atm.
Sorry, I believe it was dotty that advised me not to go cold turkey on the caffeine, never a truer word spoken. It's like weaning off a class A drug! X

Original poster
CailinDana · 15/04/2012 09:15

I was on sleeping pills for a short while. They got me through a bad patch but they were horrible. I felt so awful the next day and they gave me a terrible taste in my mouth. Not being able to sleep is really hard, I really feel for you Dontknow.

I tried to go cold turkey on caffeine when I was pregnant - big mistake! The headaches were unbelievable.

OP posts:
PlinkPaSta · 15/04/2012 09:19

Argh, sorry got people mixed up, re the coffee. Sorry you had a bad night Don'tknow.

I can go for smears, not nice but have needed treatment. I can't go to the dentist, feels like I'm being choked all over again.

DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore · 15/04/2012 09:52

It's awful isn't it. I am supposed to take the pills for two weeks and then go back to the gp but I don't think I can deal with a fortnight of feeling permanently tipsy. I am not even sure why she gave them to me tbh, I can sleep, I'm just scared to.

The dentist is a big no no for me too Plink. Heaven knows what I'll do when I have to start having smears. I don't think the nhs will prescribe vodka Grin

Original poster
CailinDana · 15/04/2012 09:55

You can self-medicate with the vodka - I heartily recommend it!

What scares you about going to sleep Dontknow?

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 15/04/2012 09:58

Dontknow sounds like you need something to relax you rather than helpo you sleep I had problems sleeping always but I started going into panic mode in bed for a while I slept downstairs in fact its something I've done my entire adult life get a better sleep I've recently discovered that if I go to bed to early before 2-3 am I have 30 minute spells before that time.

DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore · 15/04/2012 10:07

I think I will take your advice Calin Grin
It's the nightmares that scare me. They are so real, I wake up as if it has happened again, physical symptoms and have panic attacks. It takes me half an hour to be able to breath properly again, after that I get up and have coffee to make sure I don't fall asleep again. I have tried pretty much everything, bed time routines, milky drinks, no TV, watch TV, sleep on the sofa, everything.
I think if I could control the panic/anxiety before going to bed I could manage a bit better. Unfortunately my home isn't even my comfort zone (a lot of it happened in my home). I have moved house of course but there is still that awful feeling of never being safe.

Original poster
CailinDana · 15/04/2012 10:14

Dontknow :( . How horrible for you that your relive it so vividly. I know you might have mentioned before, but I've forgotten, have you talked much about this with anyone?

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 15/04/2012 10:17

Don'tknow I'm the same thought I was bizarre as it was all at home in mine or his bed little things like all lights off have helped I sleep in perfect darkness but as I say only after 2-3 am in which lies the problem DS is back to college tomorrow so I have to be up early to get him up means I have to go bed earlyish SOMINEX is what I got to relax me as didn't like taking Diazepam dr was ok with that.

I am now more comfortable in my home but not really "talked" for 4 weeks I have another counselling session this friday which usually knocks me for 6.

PlinkPaSta · 15/04/2012 10:17

Don'tknow, I have nightmares too, my therapist talked me through why I was scared to sleep and worked out tactics to help. Sounds daft but treating myself like a child with nightmares helped find solutions, iyswim, cuddly blanket, teddy so if she(me) starts having a nightmare the blanket/teddy are there for me to cling to! embarassing but wth I need healthy sleep, beta blockers before bed helped, or chamomile tea/warm bath/cool bedroom.

PlinkPaSta · 15/04/2012 10:25

I'm the same with the whole "home" thing, my home wasn't safe so I've spent a lot of time recently getting to enjoy my home, be comfortable in it on my own. It's difficult but working, slowly.

dottyspotty2 · 15/04/2012 10:29

Its funny Plink cause I'm actually more comfortable at home when DH is out working or in bed not when he's around.

Maybe I'm just a fucking freak and there's no real hope.

DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore · 15/04/2012 10:33

Calin, my partner is very supportive but I've never told him what really happened. He has no idea of the severity of it. Tbh I can't talk about it. I wish I could just bury it and forget, but I've tried for 8 years to do that so it obviously doesn't work. My closest friends know that something happened, but again, not the whole thing. They know I was raped, no more.
Dotty, my gp is making a referral for counselling but I'm very wary of it. I cant/wont talk about it and I'm afraid it might surface everything again.
Plink, I do sleep with a teddy, a good friend suggested that, it is the only comfort I have when I'm woken by one.

DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore · 15/04/2012 10:33

Calin, my partner is very supportive but I've never told him what really happened. He has no idea of the severity of it. Tbh I can't talk about it. I wish I could just bury it and forget, but I've tried for 8 years to do that so it obviously doesn't work. My closest friends know that something happened, but again, not the whole thing. They know I was raped, no more.
Dotty, my gp is making a referral for counselling but I'm very wary of it. I cant/wont talk about it and I'm afraid it might surface everything again.
Plink, I do sleep with a teddy, a good friend suggested that, it is the only comfort I have when I'm woken by one.

Original poster
CailinDana · 15/04/2012 10:42

You aren't freak dotty. There is hope, I definitely believe there is, although at times I feel hopeless too.

Dontknow, I do think talking about it will help to reduce the hold it has over you, but you have to be ready to take that step. I used to have nightmares, not about the abuse but about things related to it, and they stopped completely when I started talking about what happened. I still have bad dreams from time to time but I sleep well in general.

If you ever want to write here about anything that happened, please do.

OP posts: