Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 2

[CailinDana]

The original thread is here

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Some useful links from the previous thread:

Samaritans
National Association for People Abused in Childhood
Rape Crisis
Pandoras, a chat room for survivors and their families, American based
Mosac, for non abusing parents and carers, London based
Women against rape self help guide to court

xpost Nhan, I have done some stupid things courting death, you are not alone, have you tried rape crisis or womens aid? They might have a befriending service. If you do have a plan please for 999 and ask for an ambulance, x

Guys, can I just say I think you`re all so brave and I hope I can share my story one day xx

Seriously NHAN I recognise so much of myself in you. When I was very depressed and suicidal I could have written a lot of what you've written. It's not mad, it's just the way your mind is dealing with a lot of difficult stuff. I know how hard it is to try to get it all in order and try to make some sense out of it. And I am also very shit at showing my vulnerable side. For feck's sake I started this thread and I still haven't really posted about what happened to me.

Hi moonriver, please do post whenever you feel up to it.

Splitting is a good sign NHAN its part of the healing process I can highly recommend the courage to heal it was recommended to me and is really helping me see everything i'm going through is normal. xx

No plan, just a very irritating part of me that pops up all the time to say 'see you are a complete idiot and it will be best to die' and 'nobody likes you' Thinking about it though, its like if someone is always told they are fat they will learn to tell themselves that. I was told these things more times than i was told to brush my teeth, its no wonder i tell myself them now.
I have tried both but didn't get anywhere at the time

I once told a counsellor everything i've been through. She sat and listened and then said he could not work with me and did not know anyone to refer me to because of how bad my past is. That wasn't very helpful really lol

I'm feeling really crap and so alone, my best friend, my cat, died a couple of months ago, she followed me everywhere, was so cuddly, was who spent hours just sitting with me whilst I cried and made me laugh so much, I miss her too much.

God what an awful thing for that counsellor to do. Just awful. I can't understand how someone can sit there and listen to another person pour their heart out and then say "Sorry I'm just not going to bother to help you." I also just cannot understand where the idea came from that people who have suffered abuse are somehow special and different and need specialised treatment. I mean, it is of course better if a counsellor has specific training in abuse, but surely any counsellor worth their salt will be able to sit and listen and just be understanding? I'm not sure what else is necessary really.

NHAN do you have a rape crisis centre

I must head to bed. NHAN I hope you're feeling a bit better.

Cailin, my therapist said that.

Nhan, I hope you didn't think I was weird last night giving you my phone number but if you ever are desperate and getting no where please call or text if too weird. if thats not weird?

Good night Cailin

I don't think so dotty but will have a look
Its all this false memory syndrome bollocks Cailin, they are warned about being sued so don't want to work with survivors. There are loads of other resons too. My hypnotherapy tutor said if a client ever discloses abuse we must say nothing, leave the room and phone the hypnotherapy association for advice. I was so angry at that - how awful!! but its because it does bring out memories and has beenblamed for false ones.
Hugs Plink, pets are the best comfort. Do you have a big teddy or anything? I have two dogs who have rancid bottoms tonight, if you lived close you could borrow them

try the book NHAN its really good xxx

Still here, but I'm definitely going now, I'll be knackered tomorrow - DS gets up at 5:30

So sorry to hear about your cat Plink, I would be heartbroken if either of my furry monsters died.

I am really shocked about that policy NHAN. Really shocked.

Haha, now I'm the sad bint, talking to myself about my dead cat whilst everyone else is off to bed and my prehistoric phone takes ages to load, night everybody, night plink :)

Oh and goodnight bamboo :)

Not at all weird Plink, thank you so much. I actually forgot you had but have it on here, i was forced to go to bed in a state last night as littley needed me and forgot about everyhing.
Thanks for all the support tonight :) i'm going to be soo tired tomorrow

Night everyone I have a couple of hours before I can go so I can guarantee I sleep ok x

I'm not off to bed. And I'm so sorry about your cat. I've only ever had one "close" pet and luckily he's still alive, albeit he still lives with my parents whereas I have flown the nest. I can't imagine how I will feel when he goes, and he doesn't even live with me anymore.

Nhan, thats so fucking appalling.

Definately miss her too much, too raw to move on just yet, thanks Nhan rancid bottom dogs

Cailin, luff them furri puddy monsters

night all, hi moonriver

We only have one cat left have had 3 others including his brother DD2 was devastated when he died as he went off to die and we found him in a vets 3 days later and we wouldn't let her see him. We also at one time had about 20 rabbits.

Just wanted to clarify that false memory syndrome does not exist, in case anyone panics at that. It was created by a man whose daughter accused him of abuse.
I also went to a survivors group where the facilitator suggested everyone carried a card saying i'm a survivor of abuse and find some things hard. The idea being we could show the dentist or something
I asked her if i should also tattoo freak on my forehead but she didn't like that! Does anyone else agree that just encourages the idea of being a victim?

Ahha Nhan, Dotty, Bamboo and Plink, are we the coffeahorlicks anonymous club? please please, am just childish

I do have a teddy, it's not warm, doesn't purr, doesn't shout at me to get up, doesn't trip me up blah sob blah sob sniff Crap actually made myself cry

Oh hate the rapeseed thing too and have ditched the tv, nowt but sex and violence

NHAN I never felt like a victim and even told the DC I wasn't one on the way home BUT I made myself one and when she came for a catch up in January I told her so but she said it depends how you look at it she stayed nearly 2 hours she didn't have to but she was great going through so much with me. I wasn't the same person she had seen in October and was visibilly shocked by how I thought it wouldn't effect me.