Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 2

[CailinDana]

The original thread is here

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Some useful links from the previous thread:

Samaritans
National Association for People Abused in Childhood
Rape Crisis
Pandoras, a chat room for survivors and their families, American based
Mosac, for non abusing parents and carers, London based
Women against rape self help guide to court

I suppose I do like the praise etc but I can't help wondering "why is she saying it?" and feeling embarrassed. The aunt I mentioned is my mother's sister but she's quite different from the rest of her family as she's the youngest by quite a good way and had a lot more attention from my gran and less time with my alcoholic grandad, who died when she was a teenager. My mother has a lot of brothers and sisters and they're all similar - very uptight, very slow to praise anyone, quite judgemental and prone to sulk and hold grudges. It's so tiring being around them. All except my "favourite" aunt, who incidentally is also my godmother. She is very loving with her children, and is often commented on negatively by her sisters who think she's too "soft".

None of what I said is directed you Plink. Praising people is most definitely a good thing, and you should continue to do it. I'm very aware that my response to it is a product of my upbringing.

Normal for people who've been abused according to literature I've read I can give praise lots of it but struggle to accept it or accept much goodness in myself.

My elderly aunt is the same she took me in her arms and held me while I broke down she's mums only sister childless her only remaining brother is the same when I phoned he wanted to know when the court date was and also thought my other brother should be charged with harrassment for the letter he sent he has no time for him after seeing how he treats his girls why can't my parents have been like them

I didn't think it was directed at me, just made me aware that I hate being praised when feeling vulnerable and in the vein of whats being posted about I could unknowingly put people off if they're in a "I can't cope with that whilst I feel like crap" way.

I've done social inclusion work and it's an automatic response to find and reinforce good points about people who have never been valued. Although I can't seem to do that for myself.

My Aunt thinks I'm a tool, could we swap :o

It's ok Nhan, I had a massive melt down on here yesterday.

I'll link to some ptsd stuff, it's fucking awful they tried to kill you, I'm hear listening.

All my family think I'm a tool and always have done.

rcpsych.ac.uk

mind.org.uk

supportline.org.uk

I nearly chocked on chocolate fingers reading about minieggs. Turn off titanic? cup of sugary tea, blanky! comedy film, good book, nice music? A queen music documentary is on DS won't let me watch it

Cailin, worded better, I think your aunt sounds lovely, would you be able to rebuild a relationship with her?

dotty he was 12 when it happened do you think he will still be dangerous?

MummyLion, hope you're ok, I think it's a possibility, do you still have contact?

Mummylion my so called brother was 11 when he started on my sisters he was 24 when I stopped him at the age of 12 would of got even worse he was also caught tking a picture of my niece 5 years ago I'm 41 so yes I do sorry x

Dotty, hope you're ok, how did you feel and what did you do when you first realised?

It must have been scary thinking about how it would affect everyone?

I have very little contact probably twice a year at most, things like Christmas etc and only because we are at the same family thing iyswim I only speak to him enough to maintain a front of normalness (sp?) for the other family members. He has never been alone with my kids and I have tried as much as possible to make sure that they dont even play with him at these events.

He had always been a loner and at the the age of 30 has just got his first proper girlfriend so maybe he might have kids soon. I haven't got a clue what I should do if he does? There is no option of telling anyone as I would not be believed and it would destroy my family as much as I hate him I couldn't do it to my parents.

I suppose I could try to get back in contact with my aunt. The problem is that she's in Ireland so the best I could do would be to email/fb now and again and maybe ring her from time to time. I visited her a lot when her youngest son was born and we used to have lunch together and chat. She's so different from the rest of her family, it's like she's not related to them at all!

How are you doing mummylion?

Sorry x-posts mummylion.

It's very hard to say if your brother is still dangerous. Would you ever consider confronting him about it? Or is that too much?

MummyLion, it is a very difficult situation to be in. Things may seem daunting and anxious now but there is support here as a first step.

Cailin, fb might be a good neutral, test the water way to see how things are?

I'm sorry everyone I seem to be ignoring everyone else and just posting about me and my issues, I dont mean to its just I havent told anyone this before and its all a bit much. I will try and join in with the flow of the conversation I promise.

Cailin - I couldn't confront him I don't want him to know how much it affected me I want to have as little to do with him as possible.

I have to go now but I will come back tomorrow, I think getting it out has helped a bit.

Don't worry about getting into the conversation mummylion, it's ok to just post about what's on your mind. Don't be afraid to just say whatever you're thinking, everyone here understands.

I can totally understand you not wanting to confront your brother.

Plink - I think I will try to get back in contact with her.

Plink I'm ok just had a heart to heart with a good friend. I didn't know until I was with my first 'bf' he was 44 I was 16 we where friends at 15 he told me he wouldn't of gone near me then as I was 'jailbait' didn't understand what he meant I realised what had happened to me the first time I went to his flat and he raped me still went back for more though. I should of known before I was 16.

Told my parents but I was slapped and told it hadn't happened or if it had it was my fault anyway as I knew right from wrong bear in mind I didn't tell them how old I was when it started but how old I was when it stopped. But he is 12 and a half years older than me.

Even when I decided to go to the police I didn't think it would affect anyone especially not me I was so stupid to think like that.

I only want to know 2 things how young and why but I'll know he'll never tell me.

How would you feel if he did tell you those things dotty?

That I've got closure but L the DC has told me not to get my hopes up as he hasn't admitted any wrong doing so is very unlikely.