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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 2

996 replies

CailinDana · 27/03/2012 14:40

The original thread is here

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Some useful links from the previous thread:

Samaritans
National Association for People Abused in Childhood
Rape Crisis
Pandoras, a chat room for survivors and their families, American based
Mosac, for non abusing parents and carers, London based
Women against rape self help guide to court

OP posts:
CailinDana · 06/04/2012 22:49

I would have to agree with L unfortunately. I think it would be very unusual for an abuser to actually admit what they've done and to explain why they did it.

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PlinkPaSta · 06/04/2012 23:16

MummyLion, there really isn't a conversation, just people expressing whats on their mind, it's a good place to just "say"

Dotty, I can understand wanting to know but doubt he'll admit anything though.

CailinDana · 07/04/2012 14:55

How is everyone doing today? I feel quite wound up today, and I've been a bit harsh on few other threads Blush Perhaps I should back away from the computer...

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PlinkPaSta · 07/04/2012 15:56

Cailin, hope you're ok, please let me know you're ok. Fresh air, spending time with your beautiful family and lots of hugs sounds like a plan?

dottyspotty2 · 07/04/2012 16:00

I'm down south hopefully sort my head out thoughts were popping in and out all the way down need to do it for my sanity, meeting up with some friends whilst down and catching up with my cousin who has wanted me to do this for so long he's an amazing support x

Cailin take some time out and do some family things will do you the world of good x

PlinkPaSta · 07/04/2012 16:33

Dotty, so glad you are getting support from your family and friends, it can be surprising sometimes when people do care.

CailinDana · 07/04/2012 16:56

I took DS out to the park and he had a whale of time. Getting out was good, it always does me good to see DS enjoying himself :) I still feel a bit on edge but I'm much better than I was before. Thanks for your concern Plink and dotty, I think I just needed to get out for good walk.

Dotty I'm so glad you have such great support in your cousin.

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PlinkPaSta · 07/04/2012 17:06

Glad you and DS had a good time :)

Sometimes when I get wound up feelings it's the ptsd, good grounding techniques help and walking away from the trigger until I feel more in control.

Do you know what exactly was upsetting you?

CailinDana · 07/04/2012 17:24

A couple of threads got to me, partly I think because I was already wound up about my mother. Since her visit she's been texting a lot saying how much she'd like to look after DS and how much she misses him. I know it sounds incredibly petty but I am pissed off with her pretending to be such a fantastic granny when deep down I know she really doesn't care. I know if in the future DS does have problems she won't be there for him, just like she was never there for me. I do want her to have a relationship with him but I don't want her to make out like she's some sort of saintly granny. The pretending really gets on my wick.

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CailinDana · 07/04/2012 17:26

I know it is so stupid too but it drives me mad that she's always declaring how much she loves and misses DS while at the same time it's like I don't exist - she has never ever said she loves me or misses me. In the three years that I lived in England before DS was born she never visited me once, despite repeated invitations. Now that DS is here she can't come enough, and I just think "What the fuck are you playing at?"

Is it really petty to feel that way?

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PlinkPaSta · 07/04/2012 17:42

Not petty at all, my mother is the same, I have the only boy born into the family, he is her pfb boy except when he did have problems she wasn't there for him.

I was fussy about the contact she had with DS and called overprotective for it.

She does not have all but a very guarded contact with DS.

It sounds like your mother is the same, it is more than ok not to like her, it is ok to protect your DS. Could you only have email contact?

CailinDana · 07/04/2012 17:47

As it stands we only communicate by text and I only see her maybe three times a year. Last year she suggested we send DS (then about 7 months) over to stay with her in Ireland for a week while DH and I got on with decorating our new house. I mean WTAF!! How on earth would we send a 7 month old to Ireland?? Note that she didn't offer to come over and look after him, she wanted him to come to her, so he'd be away from me. It really unsettled me when she suggested that to be honest, it was so bloody weird.

I'm ok with the level of contact we have now, although I am wiped out for a while after the rare visits.

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CailinDana · 07/04/2012 17:50

BTW the text thing only came about because I realised it was always me who rang her, she never rang me. I didn't particularly want to talk to her on the phone so I stopped ringing and then I realised she literally never rings me, never. I mean, that's not really normal for a mother, is it? She texts now and again, just generic news and I text back. That's the extent of our relationship outside her visits.

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PlinkPaSta · 07/04/2012 18:19

tbh Cailin, I would not, under any circumstance allow her to be alone with children, listen to your gut, don't listen to her manipulation.

What would you like to say to her? I wrote a letter to my mother, telling her exactly what I thought of her then burnt it, twas very cathartic. Then I did, accidentally, tell her to fuck off and die Blush to her actual face, I'm not proud of that. She had just visited and was going to see relatives but didn't want me and DS to go as I'm "mentally ill"!

PlinkPaSta · 07/04/2012 18:30

A healthy perspective would be to look at your mother and say, if she was going out of her way to visit us, at our home, sending little bits and bobs for you and your family, calling you just to speak to you, calling just to speak to other family, making you all special little things, wanting you as much as DS, putting you and yours first then I'd be saying, go for it, she sounds lovely, what can you do for her. She isn't so I haven't said to do that.

CailinDana · 07/04/2012 18:32

Today when she texted me about wanting to look after DS I felt like texting back that she would never look after DS on her own as she has proven amply that she can't be trusted. I would never actually text that as it's not worth the aggro.

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dottyspotty2 · 07/04/2012 19:21

I have a million things to say to my mum its 6 years today since my dad died and I feel nothing really thought she would change but she hasn't I always said I would wait until she went in a way I wish I had but it was substainable bumping into him her talking about him all the time I havnt seen her since I told her to stop talking about him as I had issues I was dealing with she really didn't realise turned and asked me to take her to the bus last one was long gone spoke to her once since then and that was to thank her for my birthday card normally brings it through but she was on holiday with HIM.

jasminerice · 08/04/2012 10:46

After 6 years of no contact, meaning DS who is 6 has never known my parents and DD who is 8 has only very hazy memories, my parents suggested that DH drop off my DC's to stay with them for the weekend!

I of course declined. But I was amazed at the suggestion. Although not so amazed when I reminded myself that my parents don't actually care about me or my DC's. They only want to see them so they can pat themselves on the back at what brilliant grandparents they are and what fun the DC's have with them compared to the other set of grandparents or even compared to me and DH.

jasminerice · 08/04/2012 10:50

CD your post about sending your 7 month old DS to your parents in Ireland reminded me of this with my parents. When I said no they then suggested they should call the DC's to chat to them on the phone. As if the last 6 years of no contact did not actually happen. What madness goes on in their heads I'll never understand.

jasminerice · 08/04/2012 10:51

I actually told my DC's that my parents are dead, which to me they always have been. So there is no chance of them meeting my DC's.

dottyspotty2 · 08/04/2012 13:59

DD2 (16) had built up quite a bond with her grandma since my dad died 6 years ago bear in mind we had fell out when she was 5 they wanted my vulnerable children to stay whilst I was in hospital no likely when IT was coming and going and they thought that DS who was 6 and autistic just needed a good hiding to sort him out. we had only been speaking a year before he died and that was only because I didn't want an atmosphere when my nephew got married I was the one who had to apologise. DD2 now hates her after what she has done.

CailinDana · 08/04/2012 14:12

It boggles me how grown adults can get through life and appear normal while at the same time having such fucked up ideas. I used to think my mother was a very capable woman, and in some ways she really is - she worked full time with three children and a pretty useless, unemployed husband, did most of the housework, and ended up with three pretty successful adult daughters, despite not ever giving them any love or attention. Yet when it comes down to it she is very immature and naive about the world. Sometimes her frankly ridiculous ideas about things really shock me and I wonder how she made it as far as she did in one piece.

My older sister is outwardly successful in the sense she has a good job but she can't hold onto a relationship and is a bitter, twisted bitch who alienates everyone. I and my younger sister can't stand her. I do wonder if our upbringing made her that way and I do feel sorry for her to a certain extent but at the same time I think she's an adult now and she needs to sort herself out. She has done too many nasty things to me down through the years for me to really care any more. It does scare me a bit that I could have ended up like her. Luckily my younger sister is an angel and we have a great relationship.

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dottyspotty2 · 08/04/2012 14:29

I keep apologising to my older sisters over this the eldest I felt I'd really hurt but she says its made her face it she's 50 still feel responsible for bringing it up though. She admitted 2 years ago that it destroyed her relationship with her children all 3 boys sad for them and her.

PlinkPaSta · 08/04/2012 16:19

Just need to rant.

Signs that a child needs help are so bloody obvious why do people make excuses, why, why? What actual reason could stop you helping an abused child? Why don't people actually stop it? Why the hell do they just stand there and let it happen.

I have decided I am just too weird and twattish as I don't have the do nothing response, or sweep it under the carpet response. I only know 1 other person in RL who has also challenged openly abusive parenting. We're abnormal Hmm

CailinDana · 08/04/2012 18:30

I think it's a cultural thing Plink. Up until the 60's the attitude was that parents had absolute control over their children - they could hit them, teachers could hit them, and the main thing was to keep them in line. It's only recently that society has started to recognise that children need more than just a home and discipline and that a cold unloving upbringing can have long term consequences.

I was really interested to read recently about Truby King, a doctor in the early twentieth century who believed that cuddling children spoiled them and that strict routine was the best way to make children into good citizens. His ideas were very very popular and I think a lot of our parents would have been brought up that way - left out in the garden for hours on end to cry, very limited human contact, no night time feeds etc.

I genuinely think that approach bred a few generations of adults with stunted emotional intelligence. I don't think a lot of parents started out not loving their children, I think the pressure they felt not to connect with them in a physical, loving way stopped a true bond from developing and led to an abnormal relationship. I mean, a mother's strongest instinct is to be close to her baby, to stop them from crying, to feed them and hold them. If they're told by "experts" that they can't do any of that - that they must detach from them and let them cry endlessly, see them hungry and unhappy, that must have an effect, surely? I know my MIL was affected by it. She dearly loves her sons but was under pressure when they were a baby to develop a "routine" and not to "make a rod for her own back" by cuddling them too much. She comments endlessly on how close and loving I am with my DS (in a positive way) and I can see that she deeply regrets not just enjoying her babies. I think a lot of older women must feel that way. It's very sad.

I don't know if the same thing is true with my mother. I suspect not. I think she is just naturally cold. She talks a good talk, like I said, and says all the right things about DS but when it comes down to it she doesn't have that same visceral connection to him that MIL has. When MIL is around him you can see how much she loves him, it glows out of her. My mother is amused by him, thinks he's cute but doesn't respond to him in the same way. I just don't think she's capable.

Anyway, my original point was, it's going to take a long time for the idea that the family is a sacred, private unit to wear off. Understandably, all parents are very wary of being criticised - they don't want anyone to say that their parenting is wrong or abusive, and so they're reluctant to criticise anyone else. Also, I think when people see a child is struggling they're really not sure what to do about it - they just throw up their hands and say how sad it is. Clear guidelines should be put in place for all adults to know what to do if they suspect abuse. There are very clear policies for professionals, but none for friends and relatives who have much more opportunity to see what a family is really like behind closed doors.

What a ramble! I've been painting the kitchen ceiling so I'm high off the fumes!!

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