Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 2

[CailinDana]

The original thread is here

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Some useful links from the previous thread:

Samaritans
National Association for People Abused in Childhood
Rape Crisis
Pandoras, a chat room for survivors and their families, American based
Mosac, for non abusing parents and carers, London based
Women against rape self help guide to court

it is not foolish to want your mother's love. it is right. you are right to want her love and to still want it. maternal love is one of the most powerful forces there is

and you were and are lovable. you deserve that love. you deserve that mum.

cailin the only fool i can see here is her. your mother.

Hello basking (hugs)

Dotty You really were not responsible for what happened to you. It's not your fault that you were afraid to speak up. Not all abusers are overtly violent, logically speaking they don't have to be. I can remember my abuser climbing on top of me and just his weight, his muscles, his size in comparison to me was enough to prevent me from shouting, or fighting or saying anything. I knew how much stronger than me he was and what he could do with that strength.

It took me a long time to realise I wasn't to blame for not saying anything. I still occasionally feel guilty, but men who groom children do it precisely because they know children are trusting of adults and don't have the maturity to deal with complex traumatic situations. And what child is expecting an unwanted sexual encounter?

Thank you basking, it does help to hear that. Even though I know it intellectually it's hard to keep hold of it when the emotional side of things takes over. I'm sorry to have stolen the limelight so to speak, and I appreciate you listening to my ranting. I hope you're feeling alright.

I really need to get to bed, but I'll be around as usual tomorrow, so I hope you'll be back basking, if you feel like talking.

Dotty I'm so sorry you're feeling similar things about your mother. I know how utterly shit it is.

thanks for the hug mists - are you okay?

Cailin You'll be a great mum (smile). I'm not the parent my parents were. I'm not perfect but I know what I'm not aiming for IFYSWIM, and that already makes me a better mum in my opinion.

nhan who ignored you?

i am sorry you are feeling jumpy. where is your 4yo? is he with your ex? sorry for questions don't want to harras you. your mother herself nhan, is not worth your baby toenail. the way YOU feel about her, however, is important. you are important. not her.

cailin please please don't say sorry to me or i'll start sobbing again. for godssake. there is no limelight. talking about it helps us all. you have helped me immeasurably. you all have. you are pretty amazing you lot.

Rape crisis are good they have phone support, I've been told to phone between appointments but I can't bring myself to I go to pieces so should do. I've only 2 left now if it goes to court they'll help me again but I feel I have to get on with it.

Struggling a bit today to be honest. Had a fairly rubbish day, been annoyed with DP all day. This thread is a lifesaver but it is stirring up recessed feelings (which I need, because I do realise that I have quite a few issues that need addressing professionally) and little things are making me emotional.

My DP knows I'm on this thread but is not clicking that I may be quite upset at times. I always have to spell my emotions out to him and he doesn't understand how my abuse has affected me. I think he feels I should be over it. Kind of just divorce it from myself. Once a long time ago he said he didn't understand how much it affected me because I wasn't a young child when it started (I was 11)

I really need him to be supportive right now, but that requires a lengthy conversation and I think I'll just come across as feeling sorry for myself.

Which I bloody well do.

no wonder you're feeling wobbly. if it's making you feel bad,next time keep him with you.

do you trust yourself?
i have real issues about leaving my dc with anybody, except my sister.
and i am so sorry that your mum has taken your sister away from you. that is hard.
are you feeling okay now?

mists. bloody dp. could you possibly write it. do you need him to know? is it important to you?

there is no should about any of this. it is okay to feel the way you feel, once we start doubting or dimishing our feelings - well wha't true then?
what somebody else thinks or feels is more allowed? don't think so.
do you have the energy to spend on him or is that energy better spent on yourself?

The only support phoneline I've ever managed to get through to is The Samaritans. All the others are very busy or operate at very limited times. Very frustrating when you need to talk.

(hugs) NHAN

Night hugs to everyone. Hope you all have a good day tomorrow.

nhan trust that you are a good mum. if you trust just one thing in this whole world trust that because it is TRUE.

you are.

Thanks basking. Yes bloody DP. I'm going to have to try and talk to him. I must try not to invalidate my feelings. Hard sometimes.

Have to sign off now. Bless you all.

Good morning all. I think I needed that rant last night, mad though it was . I tend to hold back a lot on how I feel and when it does come out it sometimes scares me how strong my feelings are. I slept very well last night, so clearly it was cathartic!

How is everyone today?

On a positive note, DS kissed me properly for the first time this morning That's just about made my year

Do you have much contact with her NHAN?

The fact that you worry about them says it all NHAN if you didn't care or where a crap mum you wouldn't say that xx