Thanks everyone for your kind supportive words. I am also ridden with pmt which makes everything harder to bear, and so maybe prone to a bit of drama, although h just says that the PMT is the reason for my dissatisfaction. WRONG. I am dissatisfied the rest of the month too but when I am hormonal I can't keep the mask on any longer.
Yes Wrenner I think it always has been this way. We met relatively young, 19 and 20, and my parents had just split up. Whilst I maintained a composed exterior I felt massively uprooted and adfrift in my life, having just left home for uni too, and I think he provided the stability I was really craving. To begin with though he was way more into me than I was him. And I tried to end it with him when we'd been together a couple of years- I was fed up of him being difficult when I wanted to see a particular friend of mine and felt stifled by the fact that he wanted to move out of his parents house but wouldn?t go and get a flatshare/rent his own place like other 22 year olds do but only wanted to move in with me into the house I'd just bought- but he was so upset and so persuasive that I thought wow- he really loves me- and we got back together.
We married when I was 24, and within 6 months I was looking in estate agents windows for a place of my own because I was convinced I'd done something terribly wrong to him because he was so so dismissive of me, acted like I wasn't important. And I was doing the good little wifey thing, trying to keep the house spick and span/cooking his favourite foods to keep him happy/working hard at my career to earn more money because he was proud of me if I earned more (well actually the more I earned the less he needed to contribute to the pot because that?s how our finances worked, so that?s the real reason he was "proud" of me)
All of our friends have always said what an easy life he has and how easygoing I am- I used to be pleased with this, I thought it meant we had a relationship that other people thought worked well because we were nicer to each other than anyone else we knew.
Do you know, and this is absolutely true- but writing all that has made me realise that the signs were all there weren't they? He's totally manipulated me into this position. I have never ever thought about this before.
bighouse you too? BAGfuls of it???! 
indeed.
He has been texting me all day about how much he enjoyed last night and how I had a dirty look in my eye- think he's brewing up for more tonight
How do I tell him that the look he is referring to was me putting on a very finely honed act as I knew it would, ahem, "speed him up" and it would be over. Or it might have been the bit where I was thinking about what I would put in dc1's lunchbox today, ah that look...
. In my moments of inner rage I think about telling him that in our whole relationship, the amount of times he thinks that he's satisfied me can be divided by about 1000 and he'd still be overestimating. Put that in your pipe and smoke it you wierdo.
I so don't want to get "intimate" again tonight but know that if I don't he will get sulky and make the next couple of days hard work. He went out at the weekend with some friends who he has not seen for ages and I knew they were going to a "gentleman only" club. I asked him to please at least not get a private lapdance- the thought of him paying someone to do this makes me hate him more, the fact that I think he would is almost as bad- and he text me to say that he had not done so, as "instructed", but was looking forward to a private one from me when he got home
How do I detach or disengage from this??