In shock can't quite believe it............Long Sorry

[Startingagain88]

I hope someone can give me some good advice as i don't really have any friends and my parents have passed away.
I've been lurking on the relationships part of the forums for a few months now- as I suppose I had a gut feeling there may be something wrong but I didnt expect this.........
Long term DP of 15 years has announced this evening that he is no longer physically attracted to me, or in love with me- he 'cares' for me but that's it......
Hes been having a stressful time at work recently and i knew that something wasn't right but he always said that he was just tired from work.
He told me that he has met a woman who he has had a few drinks with- but nothing 'sexual' has happened between them- he says that he doesn't love her- but then again he doesn't love me!
He then left very upset telling me he was going to a friends, i called to make sure he was ok as he was driving upset and asked whether he got there ok, he said yes, i then asked whether he was with her the line went quiet.....

I'm absolutely devastated and in complete shock...thank god we dont have any children, i loved this man and planned my future around him- i gave him lots of opportunities to tell me what was wrong....i gave up my job last year to support him in his new business venture and we have been eating into my savings all the time only now does he tell me that he doesn't love me........and hasn't for eight months...

I'm now left with no job, no friends and a half done house- I need some help please....................

Ignore Only - come to London

Nooo she needs to be near meeeee I saw her first! Lol

Oh and pink wellies you must wear them how else will starting spot you.

Clare's vet questions the worth of another fifteen-year relationship!

'to talk to me like that after 15 yrs.....i don't care how long hes been shagging her etc....i deserve more respect than that!'

Now that is the spirit.

Hiya have spent a fair bit of time reading this thread - only started doing so yesterday.

Ex and I were both working when we moved in together, and when we married. But for the past 20 years he has been a cocklodger. I thought I was supporting him to realise his potential , he has not even tried! In fact as I had no support from him, I have been unable to properly fulfil mine. I still plan to do so though - and I am nearly 60 the new 40.

Only Whitststable is vairy vairy posh we have slebs and everything... If I wore wellies in town they would have to be hunters doncha know lol

Only - OP is in Kent already - Whistable.

OP Come to London The SW London / Surrey border is a very nice place to be and I will drink coffee with you

Seriously though, it is something to think about - a really fresh start and hours of fun (and distraction) to be had on www.Rightmove.com

The only way you can be in control here is to cut ALL contact with him.

Don't answer phone.

Ask DB to take him the paperwork to sign. Or your solicitor.

It will make you feel loads better to be in control.

That's two votes for SW London then (havn't moved more than a couple of miles in 25 years)

How about surry Kent London boarders then we can share?

Pink you mean the wellies AREN'T hunters< hand to grow and faints

When starting embarks on her road trip, the dog is mine, I tell you - ALL MINE, 'cos I offered to love and care for her canine pal in her absence first.

Look starting we ate all fighting over you AND the dog now! And you reckon you've got no friends.

Noooo ... if you`re going to do a random move ... look further afield! New York, Sydney, Singapore ... erm ... Munich (ok, that last one was in self interest, obviously!) :)

I saw her first

Sorry no hunters for me I spent all my money on Mulberry handbags and Jimmy choos .. true

I don't do that anymore though

OP, you are certainly starting to sound a lot more clued-up about this shithead

they always let themselves down in the end, donn't they ?

stupid man

Men like him will always be stupid but when a woman recognises that temporary stupidity led her to become romantically embroiled with a twat, her IQ rapidly increases - as does her self-respect and self-esteem.

Good for you starting! And I vote SE London, only cause I'm here! :)

Think you should also print and laminate izzy's last post, starting. Have had a truly crap day and that made even me laugh!

What a first class idiot he is OP

Sincerely hope you are still not planning on giving him any money for his DD's

God bless you Starting I'm gunning for you as are all the people here...you're amking AMAZING progress and SO fast! I predict that by this tmie next year yur life will be totally different and you'll look back at this time in disbelief.

you come over as such a bright and lovely person that you'll have a life without him soon that is FAR better than the old one.

OP, he sounds a nightmare. Of course you can still have children - you have years left yet (you could even get some eggs frozen if you are worried, I guess).

You are doing well - I am sure you will find a lovely man who washes and brushes his teeth

Make it your mission to do one thing every day, rearranging a room to make it feel more 'yours' (buy some bed linen, rugs or cushions) or just dance while you're ironing for the hell of it! And if you feel lonely, put on the radio or the telly so you have some background noise. All of these helped me. Most of all, glory in doing a few of the things you like to do but didn't because of...... Who?

How you doing starting?

Haven't posted before but have been following your thread and hoping you are ok, there was so much superb advice given and you are clearly getting on well.

I just wanted to say that I have had this happen, although we didn't officially live together we were always in each others space, perhaps too much, he was my best friend. More than that, he was my life, we gigged together, all our friends were each others friends, we had known each other so long it was all private jokes and a security born from years of knowing just one person. One day he came round and said we shouldn't see each other anymore, that morning we had talked about holidays, I fell apart for months, lost so much weight I was skeletal, felt like ending everything, all our friends stayed with him and no one got in touch or helped me. I wasted weekends on crying and drinking, then crying some more. During the week I threw myself into work , did 12 hour days. Forgot everything else. Then thought about buying a house, moving areas, starting a degree course.

The hard work paid off, work offered to pay for a masters and I bought a tiny house with the money I saved from going out all the time! I renovated and discovered a love of gardening, grew veg, restored the house, made some good friends and then met my (now) DH. Love at first sight. Married in three years and a DD arrived a year after that. But the best thing about that 18 months on my own was that I figured out who I was and what I wanted to do with my life, which meant when the right person walked by my desk one day I was in the right place emotionally to change bad habits of a lifetime.

it does get better, honestly it does, but getting angry, getting sad, getting drunk is all 100% normal and healthy and also eventually getting even by having a better life than you would ever have had with them. It did take as a pp said, years not to feel sad when something happened which I knew they would like, even now I sometimes think something is funny when DH doesn't get it and I know my ex would have done. But DH is a different person, he isn't perfect, he doesn't get me in the way my ex did, but we are happy, we are balanced and we are equals in our relationship.

Good luck!

Just another lurker posting to say I'm rooting for you too Starting. You've come a very long way in a short time - great that you've got plans to get through the weekend. The more plans you can start to make for yourself the stronger vision you will have of a future - YOUR future - and sadly for him, it won't include twatface.

He's a grade A taunt and he's going to be a very sorry taunt if not already, very soon. The quicker you pick yourself up (to him anyway - you can fall apart, in private, on here, anywhere but in front of/to him) the quicker he is going to wonder what the fuck he is doing. But even if it's the anger against him that propels you at first, the long term investment will be for you. You will be considering yourself as having had a very very lucky escape in the not too distant future and 35 is fucking young! I'm 35 so I won't have it any other way!

And pick some angry tunes - my break up song was Adele's Rolling in the deep - ooh it made me vengeful but it got me through some dark times and it made me know I was going to come out the other side and I have. Fill the house with music or R4 or 5Live (listening to others speak/debate etc keeps my brain dwelling on dark things) when you feel alone. Also would recommend a bit of Paul McKenna (I know, I know...but it works it really does) he does one which is about self-confidence. Maybe listen to that at bedtime and if you are not sleeping get yourself to the GP and get a short course of something to help - no sleep is a killer and will make you feel less able to cope so if you can try and get at least 6 hours a night you will be functioning better and feel more able to tackle the administrative shit (thought must say you seem to be doing well on this front). Are you going to change door locks soon?