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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

In shock can't quite believe it............Long Sorry

999 replies

Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 00:41

I hope someone can give me some good advice as i don't really have any friends and my parents have passed away.
I've been lurking on the relationships part of the forums for a few months now- as I suppose I had a gut feeling there may be something wrong but I didnt expect this.........
Long term DP of 15 years has announced this evening that he is no longer physically attracted to me, or in love with me- he 'cares' for me but that's it......
Hes been having a stressful time at work recently and i knew that something wasn't right but he always said that he was just tired from work.
He told me that he has met a woman who he has had a few drinks with- but nothing 'sexual' has happened between them- he says that he doesn't love her- but then again he doesn't love me!
He then left very upset telling me he was going to a friends, i called to make sure he was ok as he was driving upset and asked whether he got there ok, he said yes, i then asked whether he was with her the line went quiet.....

I'm absolutely devastated and in complete shock...thank god we dont have any children, i loved this man and planned my future around him- i gave him lots of opportunities to tell me what was wrong....i gave up my job last year to support him in his new business venture and we have been eating into my savings all the time only now does he tell me that he doesn't love me........and hasn't for eight months...

I'm now left with no job, no friends and a half done house- I need some help please....................

OP posts:
RachyRach30 · 06/03/2012 01:44

Oh yes I care I feel your pain. I bet you are finding it hard to sleep. It is worst in the early hours.

VanderElsken · 06/03/2012 01:50

Okay, Starting, it's no problem. I'm going to say this though it's hard. Firstly, stop blaming yourself, stop making him argument for him. 'All you do is nag'? really? Even if that were true and I really doubt it, it sounds to me like you're trying to find reasons in your own behaviour why he might have played away, even if that were true, he could have addressed that! There's a big step between being annoyed with nagging and having an affair. It's a nonsense step. That's not why it happens.

All men like to feel like a man, that's true, but also I'm pretty sure you don't just nag him all the time. No more than any other girlfriend or wife after 15 years surely. Of course a new girl makes him feel like a man and all respected, this is why men have affairs. it's very very easy to do that in a casual relationship particularly an affair where so often status is mismatched. But it can never survive in a long term relationship where the every day creeps in, no matter who the woman is.

I'm not saying he's a bad person. i'm saying he's treated you badly. He was not distant because the business was not going his way. He was distant because he was having some sort of infidelitous relationship and in order to do that he needed to detach from you, think badly of you, blame you so as not to feel guilty about what he was doing. This is what infidelitors do, this is what human beings do. Please don't start reframing this as being your fault and trying to think about getting him back or whatever, OP, please. Your mind is doing somersaults trying to sort this out so it's just leaping for the easiest reality, the option where if only you changed your behaviour he could come back and things would go back to normal.

This is a fairground reflection. Not true. He would need to change his behaviour and he would need to admit to what's been going on. Right now he's said he doesn't find you attractive, doesn't love you and hasn't for 8 months. You should not have to live with that. That is a man who has been having an affair of some sort for at least 8 months. you deserve better, you do. I know you're scared but take a breath, this needs to be properly addressed, not given the excuse of 'he needs to feel like a man'. They all do. If it's more than that then he's dominating or controlling and then it would make sense why you've 'given everything up for him'. Please please, whatever you do, use this is an opportunity to take some of that back.

Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 01:50

Hi Prforone - good for you- i hope you're right and i can get over this......Just been into the kitchen to get a drink and the light blew in there-i know its silly but like an idiot i relied on him to do all those sort of things-i just about know where the fuse box is.

I need to step up dont i?? Thank you so much for your advice

OP posts:
Diggs · 06/03/2012 01:53

He might well be , but id be surprised if thats the case in 12 months or so , more likeley he,ll be sat in a shit flat on his own with a pot noodle for company .

Your in for a bumpy ride here Op , be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to greive , there is the loss of trust , loss of relationship , the loss of all those things you thought were going to happen but now theyre not , and the loss of the man you thought he was . It will take time , it was a pain i would not wish to feel ever again .

But , in time it gets easier , and youll start to question whether your relationship was as good as you thought it was . Theres the common beleif that the person having an affair wasnt getting enough , it often turns out they werent giving enough . The traits that allowed him to have an affair and deceive you were always there and didnt apear overnight , ie, selfishness , deceitfullness , being entitled , lack of respect ect . He probably took more out of your relationship than he put in .

Im a good few years down the line now but can honesty say that my only regret is that he didnt have this affair sooner , and im not being flippant . My entire life focused on him and i lost myself in that . I reconnected with old freinds , made new ones , started going out , went to Uni , sort of rediscovered my dcs and met my dp who i am very happy with . I didnt realise what a miserable bastard he was .

Im not rich by any means , he came of a lot better than i did , but some people are so poor all they have is money Smile

VanderElsken · 06/03/2012 01:57

you poor thing Starting, what a pain! Just flick whatever looks like its going in the wrong direction on the fuse box. So annoying, isn't it.

you will be okay. Please don't beg him to stay, it's exactly what he wants and expects and basically means he has two women at his beck and call when he is the one who's behaved terribly. Why would he make any changes to that situation? I understand it's petrifying but you're giving him the message that's cheating on you is fine and in the future he would do it again. Yes, step up, whatever direction you want to go in the future you will need to detach from him for a while, be your own person. You need to see that you have been faithful and giving in this relationship and he has been detached, distant and unfaithful.

RachyRach30 · 06/03/2012 02:00

I second diggs shitty flat with a beef and tomato pot noodle and a plastic fork haha!

Prforone · 06/03/2012 02:01

You just need to be kind to yourself at this point in time. Don't go trying to be all brave and thinking you need to "step up" when what you probably need right now is a bloody good cry. This is all so new that it's overwhelming and you'll probably go through lots of "if only I'd ....." scenarios in your head to make sense of his stupidity. You WILL get through this - I'm living proof! - and you'll see the loss was his in the end, not yours.

Lots of lovely hand-holders on here so rant when you need to; there'll always be someone on here to give you the encouragement you need to get through this.

x

Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 02:04

Hi Vander,

I know you're right i suppose i'm trying to justify why he may have done it- in my heart of hearts i suppose im hoping that he will tell me tomorrow that he has made a mistake and wants me back- although i know i couldn't let this happen.....

I suppose we have drifted apart over the last few years but every time i tried to address it with him, he would say its nothing he's tired/work etc and i suppose i wanted to believe that....but things have really changed over the last few months and i knew something wasn't right...........

I honestly never thought he would do this to me stupid huh??Thank god the house in my name although its in bits at the moment............my whole life has been shattered..how can i get him to admit the truth as to what has been going on??

He wouldnt even tell me anything about her............

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 06/03/2012 02:06

Hey and no begging. Do you hear?

xxx

Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 02:14

Thank you so much all for you messages...i suppose that you think when you get over ten years that its for life.............. :)

RR30 as i mentioned i sort of gave up all my friends when we got together so i havent really got anyone i can call on now- my lovely parents have both died (i reaallly miss my Dad right now.... :)

Diggs thanks you so much but i just feel so weak right now like my heart has been ripped out and i'm finding it hard to see a way forward....

Prforone- since he left im constantly going through what if's.......i'm blaming myself- i feel a failure at the moment......................

OP posts:
Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 02:16

TWG I'll try but i'm frightened i've never even lived alone before i moved out of my parents house and in with him.........its the first time ive been in the house alone at night before.......... :(

OP posts:
VanderElsken · 06/03/2012 02:17

Be kind to yourself as Prf says. No one should feel foolish for trusting someone who was supposed to love them. It reflects well on you. Of course you're trying to justify it, and we all, strangely, aim for justifications that are to do with our own actions, because at least we have the capacity to change them.

I think it's unlikely he'll say that to you tomorrow, Starting. Not because he shouldn't, he bloody well should! But because he's spent a long time thinking about this, hence doing it so quickly and having somewhere to go afterwards. He's had a long time and someone to talk it through with. You're having to deal with it in one night out of nowhere on your own. Hardly fair.

The drifting apart will have been more on his side than yours probably and it will almost certainly have been linked to him looking elsewhere, even if at that point it was only emotional. If he was open to that there was absolutely nothing you could have done about it. Nothing. He lied to you when you asked what the problem was because he wanted to sort it out himself, with her, until he was ready to leave. Not very kind to you and not giving you any opportunity to engage with the reality.

Your instincts over the last couple of months have been proved spot on and you have learned they are strong and trustworthy. Have faith in them, don't let him push you off the scent ever again.

He won't tell you anything about her because it disempowers you. Affairs often happen for years before a partner leaves. Was there someone from the past, back when you first noticed a disconnect between you, someone he mentioned a lot then stopped mentioning? Probably someone he works with? It doesn't really matter I suppose but you must be able to see how he's controlling the situation. He expects you to have a conversation about the relationship without telling you anything about who she is and how long it's been going on? How arrogant and cruel. I would be tempted to avoid talking to him at all with such limits on the truth. Has he so quickly decided protecting her is more important than respecting you?

if I were you I would consider not meeting him until you feel stronger and ready. He seems to hold all the cards and fuck that for a game of soldiers. It is you who should be in charge. He's behaved very badly. If you do want to meet him and I say again YOU DON'T HAVE TO, he has basically upped and left you in a state, you owe him nothing. But if you do, I would suggest you insist on a neutral place, I know that's going to be very very hard but having him in the house is going to be hard too, and exactly what he expects and wants.

If you want to get the real truth out of him, we can help with that but you might be a bit vulnerable at the moment. You will need to really stand up to him. You need to take care of yourself and put him off if that's what you need to do.

izzyizin · 06/03/2012 02:21

You're not in the house, honey. You've got about 200 mumsnetters in there with you - we're crammed in up to the eaves Grin

VanderElsken · 06/03/2012 02:22

I didn't realise you moved straight in with him from your parents, Starting. this is a really big deal for you, but also it indicates you're pretty young.
This is a whole new exciting time for you and you need to get your friends and your life back which is a big journey and I know it's intimidating but I promise you'll be better off for it. The more I hear about it the more i think he's been an overpowering influence on you and your life and I can't wait to hear who you turn into down the line.

Don't worry we're here with you. Sleep diagonally across the bed, you can now! and give yourself a big hug. it'll be okay, I promise. I think it might even be good...

Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 02:30

Vander,

When he said he was going to his friends i believed him!!= it was only when i called him and heard the tone of his voice that i realised he was with her- he had gone running to her and left me in devastation......

I know you're right all this time he has been figuring it out in his own mind and not having the decency to tell me that he isn't happy

I asked him time and time again who she was and he wouldn't say he said he didn't want to get into this now and we would talk tomorrow why the hell should he hold all the cards?

He said we didn't have a 'normal' relationship- yes because he has withdrawn from me a long time ago and wont talk :(

I'm in two minds whether to meet him- im afraid that i will get upset and beg him to stay- but i also want answers........

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 06/03/2012 02:30

So when he comes back tomorrow to 'talk' he is going to find his things packed on the front lawn, I hope?

Tell him he at the very least he owes you the truth. But don't hold your breath and if he does tell you something, don't expect it to come without a large dollop of justification and self pity.

izzyizin · 06/03/2012 02:31

'not alone in your house!

Take some time out for yourself and wrong foot him by making it clear that from hereon in he doesn't get to dictate terms.

Tell him you're don't want to talk to him tomorrow and you'll contact him when are ready to converse with him.

Offload all of those disbelieving, bereft, and desperately sad feelings here so that you can be cool, calm, and collected, and retain your dignity when you see next him.

izzyizin · 06/03/2012 02:33

'next see him'! Sticky fingers keys or what?

mathanxiety · 06/03/2012 02:33

x-posted with you there. I see the justification has started already.

Maybe the best thing to do is to feign complete indifference to him and his pathetic life choices and rationalisations thereof, and just greet him with all his stuff in black bin bags. Turn the tables on him? Tell him to get out of your sight and take his traps with him.

Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 02:36

Thank you Izzy i'd better put the kettle on........ why arent you lot in bed :)

Vander - Im not that young ............35!!! :( - i really appreciate the time you have taken to give me some really good advice- i suppose i cant see the wood for the trees and the moment and starting over feels so daunting.....

I feel stupid to say this but i also feel ashamed that i didnt make it work ashamed that i have wasted 15 years of my life- just lousy :(

OP posts:
Prforone · 06/03/2012 02:36

I'm with Vander on the whole "not seeing him tomorrow" business. If you can, try not to see him 'til you're in a stronger place emotionally. You need to concentrate on you for the time-being until you can face him without feeling vulnerable. He's dropped a bombshell on you this evening while all along he had his escape route planned - the very least he can give you is a bit of space.

It's utterly crap when you don't have parents or even close friends to support you when you feel like this Sad You know that if you really need to blurt it all out to someone verbally, the Samaritans are only a phone call away, don't you? They provided a lifeline for me when I just needed someone to listen. You don't have to be suicidal to use their services - they can be a wonderful form of support, both emotionally and practically.

Listen, I need to catch some zzzzz's now but feel free to PM me if you want.

Thinking of you x

Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 02:42

Prforone-thank you so much...... i would like to say i that wont meet him- but i have a feeling i will cave....... I still cant believe that after 15 years he does this and the leaves - i didnt really know him at all did i?

Thanks for the samartians info- i did consider giving them a call they helped me so much when my mum died...........

X

OP posts:
VanderElsken · 06/03/2012 02:43

Exactly, Starting, you are so right. Why on earth should he hand out pieces of information when he feels good and ready? He's desperately trying to think what story to tell you that means you won't be as angry and he won't feel too shitty. And he wants to be able to control that completely. That normal relationship nonsense is exactly what adulterers say, and yes that's because they've sabotaged it themselves.

Snoop around the house for email, texts, bank statements, hidden letters if you want to but right now you probably should just cry and sleep. You can also ask mutual friends or contacts. Believe me, someone always knows.

I would suggest you don't meet him.

  1. this will unsettle him, suddenly he's not holding all the cards and doesn't know what you're thinking. It redresses things a tiny bit and allows you to say when YOU are ready to have that conversation, as you are the wronged party here and should be able to make the demands.
  2. It prevents the risk of begging him to stay. I would think really hard about that, OP, why you would, apart from just a desperate hope he will somehow magically love you again and everything will go back to normal. This is not a man who is not fit to come back and be with you at this point, not only is he infidelitous and a coward and a liar but he has said he doesn't love you and doesn't find you attractive - this guy has crossed the line and you are way way better than that. He is with someone else. On the night he walks out on you. Why on earth would you want to beg to be with him?
  3. You'll be better off getting answers when you are calmer and colder. You also might have to accept that he will never tell you. Most leaving adulterers lie. Forever. the extent of it is almost always worse than the worst thing you get told. Minimising is what happens. If you want to know the truth you are going to have to be very very firm and strong with him, and, to be honest, if he's leaving, there's no incentive for him to tell you the truth anyway. I think you know deep down he's been lying to you for a long time and I think you know that men don't leave for people they haven't been sexual and romantic with for quite some time.

I would bet a lot of money that if you said you didn't want to see him he would come round anyway. Selfishly.

Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 02:53

Vander

You are talking perfect sense once again-I'm going to have to think this through overnight- i want to be strong but he really has treated me like shit tonight..........

He wouldn't tell me anything and now i have to wait until he is ready to talk........im giving him all the control aren't i?

Im not sure whether i should have the locks to the house changed- what do you think? Hes not the agressive/vindictive type- but i dont want him to have free rein in the house now its looks as though he is leaving to be with OW....I want to be fair with him but i want to have control of the process......

OP posts:
Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 02:55

Many Thanks for all of your kind messages at this early hour- you have all really helped me and given me strength........im going to try and get some sleep.......if thats possible x

OP posts:
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