In shock can't quite believe it............Long Sorry

[Startingagain88]

I hope someone can give me some good advice as i don't really have any friends and my parents have passed away.
I've been lurking on the relationships part of the forums for a few months now- as I suppose I had a gut feeling there may be something wrong but I didnt expect this.........
Long term DP of 15 years has announced this evening that he is no longer physically attracted to me, or in love with me- he 'cares' for me but that's it......
Hes been having a stressful time at work recently and i knew that something wasn't right but he always said that he was just tired from work.
He told me that he has met a woman who he has had a few drinks with- but nothing 'sexual' has happened between them- he says that he doesn't love her- but then again he doesn't love me!
He then left very upset telling me he was going to a friends, i called to make sure he was ok as he was driving upset and asked whether he got there ok, he said yes, i then asked whether he was with her the line went quiet.....

I'm absolutely devastated and in complete shock...thank god we dont have any children, i loved this man and planned my future around him- i gave him lots of opportunities to tell me what was wrong....i gave up my job last year to support him in his new business venture and we have been eating into my savings all the time only now does he tell me that he doesn't love me........and hasn't for eight months...

I'm now left with no job, no friends and a half done house- I need some help please....................

I was going to pm you but got a new phone and not sure how to on here. I was wondering if your brother lives near me, but don't want to say exactly where i live where everyone can read it!

I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that his picking his stuff up in dribs and drabs is a way of keeping some control over you and an excuse to come back, just in case his OW decides she doesn't actually want him, so he can come creeping back telling you what a terrible mistake he made, blah, blah, blah .... until the next woman gets suckered by him and you become Plan B again. He really is a creep of the first order - stay strong!

Yes, he is doing this on purpose...its so unfair on you as you get wound up each time he comes to collect stuff.

Hi starting enjoy your mooch today. We are going to need a new thread soon.

I agree. Deadline for stuff removal then bin. That should be your fresh new slate xxx

hey starting

I always come back to this thread and am amazed at how well your doing. as has been said by other posters, give him a final date to get his stuff and then if he dosnt collect it then, chuck it. Then you need to try and work on not contacting him. Your in control not him!

xx

It is definitely his 'foot in the door'. And 'fingernails on the blackboard' to throw in another metaphor. It needs to end.

How was the rest of your weekend starting ? xx

Morning all. How was everyone's weekend?

Morning!...

Had quite good weekend.....!

Saturday, up to london did some shopping and met up with my brother for lunch and went to Portbello Road Market.......while i was waiting for him to meet me some bloke started chatting to me and gave me his phone number i nearly died...! Im not going to call but it did give me a boost!!

Sunday did some stuff in the garden.... continued sorting out paperwork etc.....had a lovely chat with pinkwellies were becoming firm friends, shes been great!!

Big bro is coming down to me next sunday and hes invited me over for easter...all in all things are looking up!

Brilliant.

Can I suggest a name for the new thread-
Shock wearing off, startingagain, onwards and upwards....

Thanks only .....still having a wobbly now and again, but I'm feeling very differently now to how i did three weeks ago!!

When do i have to start a new thread 999 posts?

I think 1000 is the limit.

And look at you geting chatted up at the market! Must be all those positive vibes.

Hi starting,

How are you doing? Been following your story .

Have you managed to eat some food? More of that lovely soup with warm crusty baguette? Oooooo your making me hungry now. :)

Hey starting just read that. What was this guy like do you not fancy a date?

Glad you had a good weekend Starting ... check you getting chatted up :)

What was he like? Might be fun to go on a date, get you in practice!

Sounds good good starting you're making really good progress. :)

oh Starting go on and phone the bloke--even if it is just for practice. We will all come with you for support.

Phone the bloke!

Go out have a drink and make another new friend to add to pinkwellies and us virtual ones.

It doesn't have to be any more or any less than that.

You are not going to make friends turning them down

Starting I am just amazed at how far you have come in such a short time.

I wish I had found MN when I was going through it.

They would have told me he was having an affair, he was a twunt of the first order, what to do next.

Such support here!

Was having a good morning this morning.........mowing the lawn etc.....

Home phone rings i pick it up without thinking... its him...he wants some insurance documents and his passport....... i thought he had them....obviously taking OW on holiday.... he texted me yesterday but i didnt answer.

He asks if im ok...i say what do you think... after the call i feel all churned up ...now i find myself thinking about my future and feeling scared again... :( when will this stop?

Just a few words from him and i feel like im back to square one.....im not answering my home phone again...its going on answerphone.

Hi Starting

Just because he wants his passport doesn't necessarily mean he's going anywhere .. he may just want to have it safe or he may just be on the wind up (he's known you for 15 years he knows how to push your buttons!)

Has he picked up everything now then? I would just take what's left to the dump if he doesn't collect it by a deadline - then he'll have nothing that he needs to contact you about and you can get on with sorting yourself out

xxx

Well wishing lurker here, cheering you on.

Just because he says he hasn't got them doesn't mean that he doesn't actually have them. How very dare you not respond to his text over the weekend - you should still be running after him - right? He has to find something to get you to talk.

Being more evil than you, I would tell him, 'Sorry, that's not my problem, you were given a deadline.' and hang up. Do not spend hours searching for something he may have lost while tiptoeing over OW's immaculate carpets. It is his problem, and his problems are no longer your problems.

(You are probably too nice to do this, and good for you, but please make sure it is his problem and not yours. And I am really glad you had got to a stage where you cold answer the phone without thinking - it will be easier and easier to get back there, honest.)

Thank you Liars and Lyssa, I need a kick up the arse here.... im going about my day feeling quite positive and then pow! he calls and im down again...... im now continuing to do some things around the house.......

I find that doing something physical helps me walking the dog, cleaning the house, doing the garden, going for a drive......its when i sit down that i start to think!! I need to think about what i want for MY life, not what he may or may not be doing with the OW , which really is none of my business.

Ive signed up to do a beach tidy on saturday...hopefully meet some nice local people...im seeing Pinkwellies on Friday night and my brother is coming on Sunday and I''ve got lots to be doing this week....... thinking about signing up for a pottery class as well.....

Psychologically i think four weeks from him leaving (next monday) will be a milestone for me......i will have had time to process things, sort out paperwork, get the house in some sort of order.......next week ....looking for a job and getting firm ideas on the loft and getting the paintbrush out :)

Im going to have to start a new thread as amazingly its now been 1000 posts :) THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT