I always said I would leave him if he hurt me, and now that day has come

[spareroomsleeper]

Ive been on here before. Several times, seeking help and advice. Each time Ive received it. Each time, Ive lived on in denial.

Last night he grabbed me from my throat, and his fist was inches away from my face. DD (2.5) slept moments away in the next room. He pushed me out of the room and my head banged into the wall. I vomited with shock and because my throat choked from where he had grabbed me. He called me a whore continuously. I cried all night. This morning he woke up and said i want you gone by the time i come back, or I will smash your face.

I am at university here, so I cannot move from this city. Im in the process of finding accomodation from the university. If they cant do anything, I'll go to a refuge. Anywhere to get out of here.

I havnt told my mum. I lost my dad in may this year, and I just cant share it with her just yet.

I just need someone to hold my hand I suppose.
Really heartbroken and need a shoulder.

I haven't seen your earlier threads, but it sounds as if leaving him is a good idea. i'm so sorry for the pain you are in, but getting away is the best thing for your dd. Have you spoken to Women's Aid?

Im trying to get to talk to someone at the university first, to see if they can arrange emergency accomodation for me. If they cant, then I'll have to look into other things. Can womens aid provide accomodation?

Well done for making this decision. What he did is never OK. Never. Hope you get somewhere soon. :)

Women's Aid have refuges, but they don't always have space in them. They will be able to find you somewhere but it may not be close to where you want to be.

Having said that, December is a good time to be looking for refuge space as so many women think, "I can't leave this close to Xmas" or even return to an abusive man at this time of year. January, refuges are inundated.

If you can't tell your Mum,tell someone IRL.

In the meantime,ring Women's Aid, who will give you advice.

Is it his flat? Is he paying for it? If not,then he is the one who should leave.

Are you married to this man? Is the accomodation you share with him in your name or his?

If you haven't done so already, pack as much as you need for the next few days and take yourself and dd to your university's accomodation officer who can put you in touch with your local Women's Aid refuge if no alternative is available for you.

You really don't need a shoulder, do you? What you need is to get away from this violent man and report him to the police for assault in the hope that he will at least think twice before he does it again - to you or to other women.

Women's aid will want to move you away from the town anyway

And you need to log this with the police ASAP for future ( contact) reasons

We are married, its his house and he pays the mortgage and its all in his name.
Ive told my friend, but she lives six hours away so she cant really do much to help.
Im just sat here in shock. I dont have a car, and the nursery is quite close to where we live. How is all this going to work. I just cant see all of this working, the course, the nursery, any of it.

While you are waiting to hear back from the university, there is no harm in ringing women's aid and finding out what your options are for refuge/emergency shelter. Explain to them you are desperately trying to find someone, ideally in the area.

Don't rule out nieghbouring towns/cities either as you may find there is the option of buses/trains/car shares into your uni town. Obviously this depends where it is but do consider ALL possible options. And remember, this move doesn't have to be where you are living forever from now on. It can be short term place, a safe haven, a chance to escape and live safely while you gather your strength and energy ready to take the next big step later on.

You are doing the right thing, I know it's scary but once you have gone you will be starting a new life for you and your ds and that is an amazing thing to do for the both of you.

Is your mum supportive generally? If so I think you should call her. If it were your ds in trouble you would want him to pick up the phone wouldn't you, no matter what was going on.

Call womens aid.

You might have to give up on the uni stuff for a while and go back to it later on, but you should call the police now

And get checked over by your gp too

Ive just rang womens Aid. She just said theres nothing available at all today. The conversation lasted the whole of 15 seconds.

Sara, it is not true that WA will want the Op to move away. If that's what she wants (and as she's at Uni, she probably doesn't) they will help her, but they certainly won't make her, or even suggest it.

Spareroomsleeper, as you are married with a child, the fact that the house is in his name is irrelevant, you have the right to stay there, though I quite understand if you don't want to.

Speak to WA, and find a lawyer.

Don't worry about anything except getting out and finding somewhere temporary to stay for now. Your husband is dangerous and violent and the priority has to be to get you and your son to safety.

As others have said, talk to women's aid and the police. The university will help as well and because it is the end of term you have a bit of breathing space.

Well done for deciding to go: that is the hardest bit.

Local council will have a list of hostels and refuges locally. Try them. My friend was put in a lovely one run by a church

Police also have Dom violence officers who will know of refuges

Oldlady.... Well they did to me! And I have read it on here also, so it's possible. He could follow her back to the refuge from uni. He knows her movements

I definitely dont want to stay here, I know I have a right and he knows I was ready to assert that right, thats why he said im going to make your life hell here. And he is doing that really well.
My mum is very supportive but she lives in another city, and it would be impossible with DD to travel and do uni and everything if I moved in with her. ANd I know shes going to push for me to move to hers.

OK, if WA are no use, how about Refuge?

Ive just rang Womens Aid.

They were not very helpful at all. The woman on the phone said everything was full, and sorry.

You should also call the police and report his physical attack on you last night. Call the local non emergency number and ask to speak to someone in the DV department. And yes, local council will also have details of hostels, shelters, etc.

I know it's hard to keep picking up the phone but you do need to do it, you will get something sorted, keep trying.

Sara, I am aware of the stalking issue, but WA will not make anyone move away. They will facilitate it if necessary, but won't force it.

Sorry for the hijack, spareromsleeper.

OP I'm shocked that Womens Aid were so unhelpful. Have you tried calling the Domestic Violence Officers at your local police station? You need some (emotional and physical) backup. And I would agree with others who say you should call your mum. I'm so sorry you lost your dad - but I'm sure your mum would want to help you, despite losing him.

Oldlady ... Looks like it's not relevant anyway as op says they won't help! I find that hard to believe! And very poor of them

Op... So he knows you will be leaving today. This is the mist dangerous time fir a woman fleeing dv. Gather together important documents NOW , whilst you are still figuring out what to do. Can you give them to someone for safekeeping?