I always said I would leave him if he hurt me, and now that day has come

[spareroomsleeper]

Ive been on here before. Several times, seeking help and advice. Each time Ive received it. Each time, Ive lived on in denial.

Last night he grabbed me from my throat, and his fist was inches away from my face. DD (2.5) slept moments away in the next room. He pushed me out of the room and my head banged into the wall. I vomited with shock and because my throat choked from where he had grabbed me. He called me a whore continuously. I cried all night. This morning he woke up and said i want you gone by the time i come back, or I will smash your face.

I am at university here, so I cannot move from this city. Im in the process of finding accomodation from the university. If they cant do anything, I'll go to a refuge. Anywhere to get out of here.

I havnt told my mum. I lost my dad in may this year, and I just cant share it with her just yet.

I just need someone to hold my hand I suppose.
Really heartbroken and need a shoulder.

What time dies 'he' usually get home?

7pm.

So have you packed some things? Do it now, then call your mum again

Transport?

Please just get your stuff together and go OP. get on the train or in the car and go to your mums. Everything can be sorted out with Uni, accommodation, nursery etc from your mums place.

Ive just found mums mobile number.

Important papers in bag.
All the money you can get your hands on.
DDs stuff for at least a couple of days.
Taxi.
Station.
Mums.
Good luck, I'd be round to pick you and DD up myself but I'm sure you're a long way away, the nearest university to here is 40 miles.

Have you got your stuff together yet? Sorry that you're being nagged by us but everyone is concerned for you. Don't let the fact that he usually gets home at 7 slow you down - not wanting to worry you more, but you can't guarantee he won't turn up at any time can you? So please leave as soon as you can.

well done, call her & then finish packing the essentials & leave. Can you call a uni friend or neighbour to drive you somewhere?

Pack up all your identification and bank stuff. Take clothes provisions enough for a couple of days- the rest is readily replaceable.
Take you phone and computer.

Get out of the house ASAP.

Go somewhere he won't imagine until you have decided who to contact and are able to. A cafe in a department store might be helpful or railway cafe etc.

I think you need to be thinking about just today first.
You can sort longer term things out later.
Surely the sooner you leave the sooner you will feel a little safer/ calmer.

Where will you go for tonight ?
How will you get there ?
Who could you ask for support ?
What essential things do you want to take with you ?

Echo everything that has all ready been said. Get out now!

But you MUST report this to the police - if not then your child could be in danger with future custody arrangements. You need to gather evidence of his violence now!

No experience of this but from experience children tend to play up when it's important or we're upset.

So make it a game...

If you're collecting stuff together let her collect a few pieces herself or turn it into a treasure hunt.

If she won't go out it's an adventure or bear hunt you're going on.

At the worst bribe her with ice cream or chocolate.

But just get out. And remember that you're not standing alone you have all of us next to you silently cheering you on. You are bring brave and looking after your daughter. And that makes you her hero.

I think as soon as you are able you need to contact the police in case he does the ' my wife has run off with our child and she is unstable' act. Covers you IYSWIM.

Just get out the damn house! Now! Chuck the basics into a bag and get a move on! You are wasting time.

Go to or ring the police NOW!! you dont have to leave your home-its not "his" despite what he is telling you.

The police can be there when he arrives home and they can arrest him. It will very likely be a condition of his bail that he stays away from the marital home and not contact you. If he breaches this then he will be held in custody.

My dh is a lawyer and deals with dv issues regularly and he says that the police and courts take dv very seriously now.

You and your child do not have to leave your home-he does!! If you are still frightened-do you have friends/other relatives who could round?

Please dont sit there in fear-do something.

Good about making it a game. Walk the walk and talk the talk for the next few hours until you are in a safer place. I would pick you up myself but it's about 300 miles!

I like the advice about having the police there when he gets home. What do other people think?

Call the police, please OP.

They will help you xx

Ilovepigs that's true, but IME the OP may feel better (in the short term) by getting away to somewhere that he won't be coming home to (or trying to). Either way OP, please do something - either call the police to get him arrested when he gets back, or leave the flat yourself. I am worried for you that it's now four hours since you posted and you're still there. Please don't waste any more time.

spareroom packa dn go to your mums with DD.
when tehre tell ehr everything adn report to police/.

most importnat thing is to go now with DD to safety. the rest will sort itself out.

even if your mum only has small one bed place it will be safe for you and dd. jsut go.

Boffin..... You can't get the police to visit 'to order' and anyway , he may be late or early

I did wonder about that ... but it seems ringing them would be a good step in the first instance anyway.

Are there any visible marks of the violence last night?

I've started a thread about womens aid in mumsnet campaigns if anyone else is horrified that they can't help people like op please check out that thread.