I always said I would leave him if he hurt me, and now that day has come

[spareroomsleeper]

Ive been on here before. Several times, seeking help and advice. Each time Ive received it. Each time, Ive lived on in denial.

Last night he grabbed me from my throat, and his fist was inches away from my face. DD (2.5) slept moments away in the next room. He pushed me out of the room and my head banged into the wall. I vomited with shock and because my throat choked from where he had grabbed me. He called me a whore continuously. I cried all night. This morning he woke up and said i want you gone by the time i come back, or I will smash your face.

I am at university here, so I cannot move from this city. Im in the process of finding accomodation from the university. If they cant do anything, I'll go to a refuge. Anywhere to get out of here.

I havnt told my mum. I lost my dad in may this year, and I just cant share it with her just yet.

I just need someone to hold my hand I suppose.
Really heartbroken and need a shoulder.

so sorry to hear about your dad :(

Sorry to hear about your Dad's poor care in hospital. That must be extremely upsetting.

I hope you can get some rest soon. Wishing you strength and sending you unmumsnetty hugs.

You have done so well so far. Bereavement is so very hard, leaving someone is hard, believing in yourself after being treated so awfully is so hard.

Be kind to yourself.

You were married, when you divorce your h will have to pay out - you and dd are entitled to a share of the marital home etc etc, hopefully this means you can make fantastic choices in the future and set up home with your dd and give her that magical childhood.

Spare

You are one amazing lady and you should be so proud of yourself for getting yourself and your child away from that vile, pathetic abuser.

Believe me, your Dd will have a far happier life now that your'e free than she ever would have if you had stayed put.
I'm not sure if youv'e reported to the police about him attacking you, as I've had to read through quickly, but if you haven't yet then like others have said, you really should.

When my ex and I split (after he tried to strangle me) I reported to the police immediately although at the time I didn't press charges (wish I did though). A few years later I needed to go to the police again about him and because he was on record already he was given a harrassment warning to leave me alone. Two burly officers shit him up so badly he's as quiet as a mouse now.

Every day I thank my lucky stars I'm free of him!

Your courage has reduced me to tears! I so wish I had had the strength to do what you have done! Do NOT feel like a failure, you are far from it.

I do not know where you are, but if you are in West Yorkshire and fancy a cuppa and a mindless chat, just inbox me.

Keep strong.

Oh Spare so sorry about your Dad. How's your Mum? You and your whole family are in my thoughts a lot at the moment, I've been so touched by your bravery. It sometimes seems like crap-ola comes along in bunches, I really think you and yours deserve some good luck soon.

staying in bed is so tempting...my dcs are the only ones that made me get up during a recent bad time. But you have a future...and dreams....and many of us have failed marriages. That does not make us a failure...it takes two remember.

You are very brave. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Listen to all these wise women because many have been through tough times and will have good advice. You are grieving your marriage and it is going to hurt. But it will stop one day. And nobody deserves to be treated like that, no matter what they did so always remember that.

You have a wonderful career ahead of you...just think of all the people you can help in the future..you have done exactly the right thing, especially reaching out to family.

Hope you are feeling a bit better today spare

Thinking of you

your story is inspiring. you are inspiring!

Having a bad night. Lying here crying thinking about that report.

And about my marriage.

So sorry to hear you're having a bad night. I've just read your whole thread and am in awe of you. It's fine to grieve for your marriage, you entered into it with hope. Crying is fine, too, it's a release and we all need that, just don't let yourself get dragged into 'what if's and that negative thought pattern, it's so destructive. Think about the wonderful, amazing thing you've done fro your little girl who is never going to have to watch her mummy being hurt.

x

Spareroom, you cry away sweetie, I'd be bawling loads if I was in your shoes.

It's horrible having to deal with either one of the situations you've got on your plate let alone both.

Can you get to your GP & get some outside support so you can have a good offload without having to be brave for the family?

Take small steps, don't take on too much at first,just be & concentrate on your DD.

I'm sure your Dad would be very proud of the way you have dealt with this, taking the positive step of getting out of your violent marriage. It's OK to grieve for your marriage, what you'd hoped for & planned, regardless of what he became in later years at some point you loved your ex & it's natural to think "what if".....

Big hugs to you & your family.

Absolutely knackered. But at least I stopped crying. At some point.

Going in to uni today. I really want to just sleep right now.

Strong coffee...?

Thanks merry and bossy x

Bossy, I suppose I could get to the gp but they will throw anti depressants my way. And theres no chance I am taking them.

Not merry, makesxmas... Sorry! x

Oh Lord yes. Strong coffee!

lol - definitely coffee required

And no worries :) My brain has gone for a walk as well (lack of sleep + pregnancy!)

Massive hugs, Spareroom. You've been through such a lot lately, crying is entirely natural.

You don't have to go on anti-d's SR (but don't dismiss them if needed, as a short term support they can be useful) just have a chat about it all & see if you can get referred for some counselling.

Sometimes you just need outside the family support, to take a step back away from the emotions of others whislt sorting out your own. I found CBT very usesful as it focuses on the positive (& there are some honestly!) not the negatives in life. MN is a great support but not professional!

Coffee is also very good.

Im on the train home. We had a mad poet come in to speak to us.

I didn't have a bloody clue what he was was saying but it was good to know there was someone as madder than me in the world

That last bit didn't make sense at all.

I am high on expensive hot chocolate that I took two gulps of and ran for the train

There's always someone madder than you, Spareroom :)

We are all sane here promise-it's the other buggers you have to watch out for

A lovely hot choccie is just the thing on a cold night. Brother not picking you up tonight?

No, bossy, I sent him home as DD wasn't with me today so found it all considerably easier