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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I always said I would leave him if he hurt me, and now that day has come

305 replies

spareroomsleeper · 05/12/2011 10:45

Ive been on here before. Several times, seeking help and advice. Each time Ive received it. Each time, Ive lived on in denial.

Last night he grabbed me from my throat, and his fist was inches away from my face. DD (2.5) slept moments away in the next room. He pushed me out of the room and my head banged into the wall. I vomited with shock and because my throat choked from where he had grabbed me. He called me a whore continuously. I cried all night. This morning he woke up and said i want you gone by the time i come back, or I will smash your face.

I am at university here, so I cannot move from this city. Im in the process of finding accomodation from the university. If they cant do anything, I'll go to a refuge. Anywhere to get out of here.

I havnt told my mum. I lost my dad in may this year, and I just cant share it with her just yet.

I just need someone to hold my hand I suppose.
Really heartbroken and need a shoulder.

OP posts:
Onemorning · 05/12/2011 13:13

Op, hope you're okay. xx

Original poster
spareroomsleeper · 05/12/2011 13:43

SOrry, Ive just been in touch with the uni. They said to ring dv, and then if they dont have a place to ring council. But both of them places are going to throw us in a hostel, arnt they? Im so afraid, I dont want my daughter to be in a homeless hostel. It is making me physically sick just thinking about it.

Im just ringing around places healfheartedly and no one is really understanding what im saying. Im stammering and stuttering and its taking me forever to formulate a sentence.

Im a complete mess and its already nearly 2pm.

OP posts:
Original poster
spareroomsleeper · 05/12/2011 13:51

I think its time to call mum. Sad

OP posts:
aswellasyou · 05/12/2011 13:54

I can understand your worry, but I don't know about it so can't say what sort of place you'll be in. I do know that when my friend escaped her violent father, the police put her up in a hotel for 3 weeks. Are you sure you don't want to report it to the police? I think it could beneficial to future proceedings if you do. If you haven't sorted anything before he's almost due back, can you afford a night in a cheap B&B or hotel?

aswellasyou · 05/12/2011 13:55

Do call your Mum then. You need the support and the safety. She may even let you stay until the new year and you'll have time to sort out accommodation at university if you want to carry on.

GypsyMoth · 05/12/2011 13:55

Look, hostels are fine! Really, what are you afraid of with regards to them?

Blu · 05/12/2011 13:56

NO, they will not 'throw you in a homeless hostel' - though heaven knows that might be better than having your face smashed - they will find you a place in a refuge for women at risk. Nice warm caring places run by the likes of Women's Aid.

But with a week of term left, going home to your mum may well be a v good strategy. Take all your ID, passport, DD's birth certificate, all the paperwork that you may eventually need. NI number, etc.

QueenCess · 05/12/2011 13:59

You need to start acting now.

Mum or Police. Preferably both.

Hoping it is all going to go away isn't going to work.

Get your child and yourself to place of safety and get on with it.

DoodleAlley · 05/12/2011 14:00

Find out where to make a homeless application at your council. Or go to cab

Fisharefriendsnotmincepies · 05/12/2011 14:00

Did you speak to your mum?

MistletoeAndFlump · 05/12/2011 14:02

Yes, definitely go to your mum. I'm worried for you that it's now mid afternoon and you're still there. Please, don't just call her; you could waste more precious time on the phone when you could just get your stuff together and go to her. When you get there and you're safe, then you can tell her what has happened, at your own pace. You can also then call the local police Domestic Violence unit. Please stop thinking about all the eventualities - your only concern now is to get you and your DD out of there. Just do it Smile

MammaBrussels · 05/12/2011 14:03

OP - have you called Refuge's National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247? If WA couldn't help they might be able to. Good luck.

MistletoeAndFlump · 05/12/2011 14:03

Please OP I am really hoping your next post will say you've left

aleene · 05/12/2011 14:04

You can present yourself at the council housing dept and ask for emergency accommodation. They will be used to cases like this, you are not alone. Just be safe! Fingers crossed for you.

Bossybritches22 · 05/12/2011 14:06

yes do call your mum sweetheart, you're in a state understandably but now is not the time to dither about the quality of hostel you'll be given! ANYWHERE will be better short term (I mean literally overnight) so that you are both safe & then tomorrow you can go to your mothers.

Do you drive? Are you going by public transport?

QueenCess · 05/12/2011 14:07

I have been in your position.

I packed up my stuff in a buggy with my children and left after the one and only violent episode. I wasn't sticking around for another.

Your child can't act for herself to remove herself from harm. That is your job and it is critical that you act now.

You should go to the police to protect your child- now and in the future and because they will help you both.

bishthefish · 05/12/2011 14:14

So sorry to hear that this has happened. Please make arrangements to leave him. Not on your own though for your own safety and that of your child.

Please ring the non-emergency police number and ask to speak to a police office who deals with domestic violence. They will be able to help you.

The police will have links with the local housing department and can get you rehoused in this kind of situation. They will escort you from the property safely and I would urge you to take them up on this.

They will also be able to advise re injunctions against your partner.

There is no need to be worried about contacting the police and every reason to do so. They will also put last night's incident on record which will be of help to you.

Do you want your dd to grow up in a violent household? If not, them please take some steps to prevent this happening but get some help to do so.

Original poster
spareroomsleeper · 05/12/2011 14:14

Ive tried calling mum several times and shes engaged.

OP posts:
Original poster
spareroomsleeper · 05/12/2011 14:16

I dont know what to do next. I feel completely in shock, my throat is aching after vomiting so much last night, and everything feels a million miles away.

OP posts:
MistletoeAndFlump · 05/12/2011 14:17

Then at least you know she's at home. Just go to her. Get your stuff, take your DD out of that flat and don't look back. Please don't wait any longer Smile

bishthefish · 05/12/2011 14:18

Sparerom, you have some very good advice on here. You can also ring your HV if you want someone to come round and give you a bit of support in contacting the police.

MistletoeAndFlump · 05/12/2011 14:18

Are you far from your mum? Can you call a taxi to get you to her? Even if you don't have the cash, could she help you with that the other end. You are obviously exhausted but you must stay focused on getting out of there asap.

MammaBrussels · 05/12/2011 14:20

Get your stuff together then get out. Go to your mum's. You've been so brave, you can do this but you need to do it now.

JugglingWithGoldandMyrhh · 05/12/2011 14:20

Do you have a car ?

I'd be thinking about grabbing essentials, quickly pack a bag, take dd, and get out of there. HTH

Well done on your decision. Sorry this has happened to you. Good luck with taking action needed ASAP.

I think if it was me I'd go to a friend or my Mum's first. I'm sure the police would be good too.

GypsyMoth · 05/12/2011 14:21

Have you packed some stuff op?

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