I always said I would leave him if he hurt me, and now that day has come

[spareroomsleeper]

Ive been on here before. Several times, seeking help and advice. Each time Ive received it. Each time, Ive lived on in denial.

Last night he grabbed me from my throat, and his fist was inches away from my face. DD (2.5) slept moments away in the next room. He pushed me out of the room and my head banged into the wall. I vomited with shock and because my throat choked from where he had grabbed me. He called me a whore continuously. I cried all night. This morning he woke up and said i want you gone by the time i come back, or I will smash your face.

I am at university here, so I cannot move from this city. Im in the process of finding accomodation from the university. If they cant do anything, I'll go to a refuge. Anywhere to get out of here.

I havnt told my mum. I lost my dad in may this year, and I just cant share it with her just yet.

I just need someone to hold my hand I suppose.
Really heartbroken and need a shoulder.

Wasn't there another poster recently who got short shrift from WA and was badly let down by them?

DD just came and brought me a blanket, because she said "you look cold mummy". I keep watching the clock, every minute makes it closer to him coming home and us getting into another fight because im still here.

I really need to get a move on. I dont want to report him to the police. I know, but I just want to get away from him and breathe easy.

can you speak to your uni, or student union there will be someone to help you
my mum was in a similar situation to you, her uni let her have a term off to sort everything out, while she got us into a refuge etc
We ended up in a WA refuge and got housed after about a month.
hope you are ok and that it works out for you

PS Most importantly, you need to get yourself and your DC away from him asap. The police will help with this. Does your mum lives a long way away? With it being nearly Xmas, isn't it almost the end of term at Uni? Would you consider telling Uni you need to end this term a bit early because of what's happened, then going to stay with your mum to give yourself a breather?

grab your passports, and proofs of id etc and important information before you go.
As hard as it sounds, it is possible to rebuild your life
good luck

OP you need to ring that refuge back & not politely make an enquiry but lay it on thick that your life is in danger & you need advice on where to go if they can't help. Sounds dramatic but it might be true. You need to leave today.

Don't pussy foot around with politeness at this stage, there will be somewhere for you go, but you may have to jump up & down a bit to get it, which I know you don't feel like doing just now but unfortunately it is often the only way to get things done.

Well done you it isn.t easy but look on any offer of help as a temporary stop gap to allow you time to breathe.

I second ringing the DV team at your local police station, they will have contacts & advice & probably an emergency solicitor number.

Good luck & big hugs

OP You don't need to look at it as 'reporting him' to the police. They will leave it up to you to decide whether you want to press charges or not. The immediate issue is that you and your DC are in real danger at the moment. The police will help you get away from him and the flat safely. Please call them, you sound so alone

Yes, thenightsky, there was a poster who said that WA had told her to just get out, and when she did they couldn't help. When I worked for them, we were mainly funded via the local council. I'm guessing there have been cuts.

oh, sweetheart, I can't believe you're still there :(
I thought you'd left ages ago.

I'm so sorry it's all getting worse.

Can't give any extra advice apart from what's been given - Women's Aid and get out as soon as possible.

I just wanted to give you a big hug and lots of strength.

you need to go to the police ask to speak to domestic violence section they can help you.

they can call emergency SS and SS can also help you get away with your DD.
it is not safe for you to stay there not for you or DD.

focus on today and getting away.

but you do need to tell your mum.
you really need to tell all the friends that you can trust, so that you've got someone to support you. (mentally and physically)

Short term you must find a safe place for you and your DD, of course that is the first priority. But please, please do report him. He cannot go unchallenged and in the eyes of the law, if you didn't report it, it never happened. Have you got any bruising on your neck? Or a lump on your head? I took my SIL to A&E after her boyfriend beat the shite out of her and they logged every miniscule injury. It helped.
In fact given that he's made threats to attack you again if you aren't gone today, you should definitely call the police. I'm sorry to badger you on this, but if you're getting nowhere with WA...
I also think that if you have a good relationship with your mum you should tell her.

Go to the police and report the assault.
They can help in contacting various agencies for an emergency referral because both yourself and your child are at risk from this man.

Despite the house being in his name you may wish to seek clarity from a solicitor as to what rights you have. You might be able to stay and get an injunction in place. Who has told you you have no rights over the property?

The University may be able to help too. In terms of protection being on campus may be advisable.

The local council also can help. Try everything.

It may be possible to transfer over your course to another university. This may be an option you wish to explore.

Let us know how you get on.x

I know how difficult this must be OP but just take it one day at a time. And the task for today is to get you and your DC out of that house as soon as you can. Even if you haven't told anyone in RL yet, we are all here rooting for you. Be strong

As a final backup plan then, that you could use if nothing is sorted by the end of the day, have it in mind that you could go to your mums for a few weeks. Like I said up thread whatever you do today doesn't have to be permanent, and it could mean you have a little time to get yourself sorted out for when new term starts up in January.

Pack up thing for you and your DD now (paperwork, her favourite bits, clothing for you both), do that now and then if you haven't heard back from uni by then call them again.

I agree it's hard to push on the phone but you do need to spell out in harsh terms that you need to get out this afternoon and you need help to do so. (Don't mention your back up option to them).

Just an extra thought- even if you mum IS still in a bad way over your Dad's death (you must be still too) please tell her.

As a mum you'd want to know if your DD was suffering wouldn't you? I'd be devastated if I found out later that my daughter had struggled through this on her own.

She may not be able to help practically just now but to hear a loving voice on the end of the phone might comfort you a little? Maybe later on today when a plan has emerged so you can reassure her you're safe?

Lots of good advice on here too so keep us posted if you need to offload.

I think you should just pack your stuff, passports, bank statements etc, get your dd and get to your mums.

Don't waste time hanging around the house or being on here - take your phone and laptop with you - continue this all from your mums.
She will be livid if she finds out this has been going on and you haven't told her.
Tell uni you won't be back till after new year and get the hell out of there! He wants you gone - isn't begging for forgiveness etc- so why are you still there?
Get to your mums and then see a lawyer tomorrow wherever she is.

Try thinking long term here ( know it's hard) but fir future contact with your dd he has done nothing wrong yet in eyes of the law. He would get unsupervised overnight access. Report to the police, and you have the proof.

Tell the police.

Otherwise the arsehole will get what he wants and no consequences!

So sorry. Good luck

And tell your mum. You need her. That will be a good thing for her (well it would be for me anyway).

Am hoping that OP has gone quiet on here because she's leaving or has left already...

Some great advice on this thread OP I just wanted to add my voice to those urging you to get yourself and your DC to a safe place, tell your Mum, report your H to the police.

Worry about the rest later.

You can always go to the police station in your mums town.

If he had grabbed your child around the throat would you still be questioning whether to report him to the police?

He is dangerous and for your safety and for that of your child it is essential that you report it.

You really need to do this first and then let the professionals do their job which will centre around keeping you both safe. If a police officer or other agency worker makes the referral things happen quickly.

Take a bag and your personal documents and head for the nearest police station. Then ring your Mum and let her know you are O.K. and taking charge of the situation. She will then be aware if you need to stay with her for a bit.

Im still here. the uni just rang me back, and are trying find out about providing temporary accomodation.

Im really torn, I feel as though I should be telling my mum. I should be going back home, but she is 73 years old, and still grieving. It really kills me to think Im going to add to her suffering. And then if I do go back, what about my course? It will all get ruined. I need my qualification to suport DD in the future. Dont I?