advice needed desperately regarding social services

[wannabestressfree]

I am desperate for some advice and wondered if anyone could help......

I have three sons. 14,10 and 7. My oldest is aspergers and ADHD, self harms daily and has had two stays in mental hospitals. On sunday he attacked me with a knife in front of my middle son. He didn't hurt me but obviously it was very scarey. He then absconded {he does this a lot} and eventually the police took him to hospital.

A house officer phoned me in the morning and said he would be requiring inpatient treatment but he is medicating at the moment [he is on a childrens ward} and so they have reversed the decision and say he is fit to return home. He self harms daily and his special education school has told social services they are refusing to have him back. I work full time as a teacher.

I told social services I wouldn't have him in the house......... this is after years of asking for help and they have phoned today and said they will give me respite for a week by placing him in foster care in our old home town. I cannot believe they would do this as this is where he absconds too and drinks and was basically told 'tough'......... no other foster carers would take him due to his mental condition. The social worker insisted I tell my school they were dealing with us {head was super supportive} and said they would be looking at the other children. I am so upset as I just want some help.

He will stop taking his medication when he comes home, attack the other children and roams in and out of the house. We are all exhausted.

So advice please............ do I take him back tomorrow or allow him into foster care that I know is not the right place. I honestly feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me..................

So your poor DS was definitely exposed to inappropriate sexual behaviour from another child on his ward, and may have been sexually abused by this same child, who is now back on the same ward. And SS are too busy to see you or even talk for more than 5 minutes.

I know times are tough, I know resources are stretched. But FFS SS. This isn't a borderline issue or a temporary one. It's fucking serious and it's fucking now.

Does anyone know how Wannabe can make a complaint that will actually be taken seriously by someone?

Wannabe, I'm so sorry I haven't been around - my own DS1 has been hospitalised with pneumonia, but is home now. Do you need some money to keep visiting your DS1?

((((Wannabe))))

CRx

And call me if you want to talk through Louisa's offer above - you've got my number.

If it were me, I'd want to talk to her. But then I'm a press spokesman for my employer and have had media training. You need to think about your family's right to privacy, and especially DS1's, whose arse might be kicked into action by radio attention, whose heels might dig in still further, how you would feel if other media outlets took up your story, how you lose control over the story once it's in the public domain, what stays off the record and what goes on the record, what you cdn prove if you need to, what your lawyers say, etc.

I can't see her response as its been deleted........

Am going to Birmingham tomorrow for a managers meeting and a visit.

Will ring you later Cinna and am sorry to hear your son has been poorly :{ xx

Perhaps check your PM's wannabe, maybe she's written to you there?

Wannabe sorry I have not been around.

You need to contact POVC person for the Hosital/trust and make a complaint about ds safety on the unit when the other dc was 1:1 and now back on ward and ds mental health suffering as terrified every time ds sees other dc...all the time!

I'd contact the police as stated before.

Write to Consultant and demand move...how can you say the staff are good wannabe there useless supervision allowed a sexual assault on your ds to take place.l.get him out of there before he is attacked further and believe me the scars 'emotionally' will take years to heal!

Contact Mental Health Comissioner/Cheif Ex of Trust/Cheif Ex SS...same letter re story but SS complain about SS recent appoint.
GET YOUR DS MOVED

You are going to see consultant tomorrow...turn up with police to question Consultant as he holds the can! Tell consultant you want ds moved now!

Sea I am going to question what is going on but neither I nor my DS want him moved at the moment. He doesn't do well when he moves and he is making progress there. There are very limited forensic units and he still requires forensic care. I want to be seen to be working with them not against them. I have made an official complaint....... he wasn't the only child assaulted.........

I am going to take them to task but I am mentally and physically exhausted.....

Hope the visit goes well, be strong.

Wanna, I've stayed up all night reading your thread. You are amazing. I'm sorry your health is suffering through this, as well as for your justified distress and frustration. It's lovely to see the solid assistance you're getting here - and only here, it seems! I wish you and DS an overdue run of good luck. Very best wishes. xxx

Thanks Garlic........... I will come on later and say what happened at the meeting. Its rather long winded. BUT he was quite good and cheery.

Incidentally I have decided to agree to be interviewed on five live about the situation. I am worried I am end up a snotty mess BUT i think I need to speak out...............

Wannabe - I'm based near BHam is there anything I can do that would help you?

Some advice would be good.........
I plan to take the other children possibly for 3/4 days at a time to see him. We are only allowed 1 hourish visits so need to find a hotel with a pool and near some fun things. We may well have some family therapy at the time. Can you recommend anywhere? Would I be better in Birmingham city centre or elsewhere? He is in Erdington....
Thanks :}

Well done for agreeing to speak out! Following the other stories in, and linked from, your thread, I'm just horrified that this is happening to young disabled people as well. You need a tide of support.

I'll start with simple bits. Fun things to do nearby.

This place you could probably spend half a day in, very cheap, nice if the dc like animals its a nature reserve but has pigs/deer/some more exotic animals etc:

www.birmingham.gov.uk/cs/Satellite?c=Page&childpagename=Parks-Ranger-Service%2FPageLayout&cid=1223092737503&pagename=BCC%2FCommon%2FWrapper%2FWrapper

This place you could definitely spend a whole day in but its very expensive, you can get cheap tickets on ebay sometimes or two for one deals. Really fantastic fun for your children:

www.thinktank.ac/

Aquarium, big queues during holidays and Saturdays if raining, also quite expensive but you can offer get 2 for 1 vouchers:

www.visitsealife.com/Birmingham/

And of course you have the main city centre, the Pallasades, the Pavillions and the Bull ring (all next to each other). There is also the Mailbox a ten min walk away from the main city centre but its mainly posh shops/restaurants so prob not much fun for children.

I'm just looking up Erdington to see how close it is to the hotels I know.

Erdington is 5 miles ish North of Birmingham Centre, near Sutton Coldfield. I don't know any hotels near there so have put out a 'shout' in chat. Will link here.

Hotels in central Birmingham that are decent:

Malmaison but expensive: www.malmaison.com/locations/birmingham/about-the-birmingham-mal.aspx

this is in the Mailbox I was talking about up there ^^

Hotel du vin, again expensive: www.hotelduvin.com/hotels/birmingham/birmingham.aspx?gclid=cjhb4rdm7lacfqqhtaodelt7uw

near city centre and close to Snowhill station (there are two main stations - one New Street, right in centre, one SnowHill about ten mins walk from New Street).

Quality Hotel is ok, quite basic but cheapish:

www.qualityhotelbirmingham.co.uk/?gclid=CPqczt_M7LACFSghtAod9w6ntg

only about 5 mins cab ride from central birmingham.

hilton - right in centre:

hiltongardeninn3.hilton.com/en/hotels/united-kingdom/hilton-garden-inn-birmingham-brindleyplace-BHXBPGI/index.html

Ibis:

www.ibishotel.com/gb/hotel-1459-ibis-birmingham-city-centre/index.shtml

holiday inn:

www.holidayinn.com/hotels/us/en/birmingham/bhxwm/hoteldetail

Perhaps somewhere that's more family friendly would be more suitable - like a holiday park or youth hostel?

Thanks everybody for the advice.
I have decided to lodge an appeal to have him moved. I wasn't of this opinion as he has made lots of progress but after a 3 1/2 hour journey to see him saturday they had run out of forms and were ill prepared for the visit so I got 25 minutes with him.
I have lodged a complaint about this but after speaking to Bindmans yesterday they said they have sent his papers to a disability barrister and they think they can have him moved. They think a civil case against the Maudsley will not result in a large payout as he wasn't injured. I still think they should be held accountable but am not sure it will be viable....... something to think about.
I hve looked at Oakview in Orpington but its private. Wondered if anyone had any views?

Wannabe, I can't believe that not only have you had to fight to get him help, you've also had to swim against a tide of complete ineptitude.

I am so sorry for you all, I could cry.

I have no advice, but you're in my thoughts. Any news on the 5live interview? I wonder if that's the kick they need up the hole.

How you've not just fucking LOST IT, I don't know.

I haven't spoken to them again. I think I need to do it incognito as I don't want to fall out/ make an enemy of social services.......
He said to me on the phone yesterday
' when I come home can we just go for a walk as there won't be any fences'
I miss him and need him closer. He is functioning better and I wan to make moves to include him more in family things and that requires him being in kent...

He even has a brummy twang........:}

On an unrelated note I found his 'blankie' under his bed sunday.... oh it nearly broke my heart........... never felt so utterly sad

Wannabe, you have done so well to get this far without cracking up and I always look for your updates. Your boy is the same age as one of mine and my heart breaks for you and him and what you've both had to endure.Would he be allowed to have his blankie next time you see him?, my 17 year old still has his in his bed too. Take care.

They aren't allowed 'personal items' on their beds at the unit he is in now. I will ask though. I told him I had found it......... he told me in no uncertain terms to leave it in his room as he wants it for his children.......:{ bless him

Bless him, it must hold lots of happy memories for him.

They think a civil case against the Maudsley will not result in a large payout as he wasn't injured.

I think damages covers a lot more than physical injury. They are covering up.

It's disgraceful that they are not allowed personal items on the bed. Did they give a reason for this?