advice needed desperately regarding social services

[wannabestressfree]

I am desperate for some advice and wondered if anyone could help......

I have three sons. 14,10 and 7. My oldest is aspergers and ADHD, self harms daily and has had two stays in mental hospitals. On sunday he attacked me with a knife in front of my middle son. He didn't hurt me but obviously it was very scarey. He then absconded {he does this a lot} and eventually the police took him to hospital.

A house officer phoned me in the morning and said he would be requiring inpatient treatment but he is medicating at the moment [he is on a childrens ward} and so they have reversed the decision and say he is fit to return home. He self harms daily and his special education school has told social services they are refusing to have him back. I work full time as a teacher.

I told social services I wouldn't have him in the house......... this is after years of asking for help and they have phoned today and said they will give me respite for a week by placing him in foster care in our old home town. I cannot believe they would do this as this is where he absconds too and drinks and was basically told 'tough'......... no other foster carers would take him due to his mental condition. The social worker insisted I tell my school they were dealing with us {head was super supportive} and said they would be looking at the other children. I am so upset as I just want some help.

He will stop taking his medication when he comes home, attack the other children and roams in and out of the house. We are all exhausted.

So advice please............ do I take him back tomorrow or allow him into foster care that I know is not the right place. I honestly feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me..................

Right just to clarify I have looked at other placements and moving him at the moment is not an option. It is the opinion of more than one psychiatrist that he needs to be in a higher level forensic placement until he settle and he is still very up and down. Last weeks CTM report said

At this moment in time, the clinical team are of the opinion that your behaviour means that you cannot have 10 minute observations or go to level 4 security. The behaviour includes threatening behaviour, ordering staff around in a disrespectful way, being de-meritted for verbal abuse, being impatient and abusive when your needs are not met immediately. If you demonstrate that you can keep yourself and others safe, by not engaging in any of these behaviours we will change your security level.

After speaking to the SW in the unit I believe that she and the nurses feel he has been treated harshly but the untrained staff write him up for infractions as they have much less training/ understanding etc. This will be addressed in wednesdays meeting. I have made it clear I will be visiting next week. Also as a result of him being kept on this level he has missed school for over a month......

Hungryhippo I have worked in both child and adolescent psychiatry and I can say 100% there is no training that is why a lot of the time they have the psychoanalytical take 'mothers fault' as they know no difference. If one person is lucky enough to then go on a day training on ASD or even do MA in Autism (which all these courses are not compulsory) the qualified nurse may have no understanding of the condition at all! Which I suspect in wannabe ds case too the way they are punishing traits he cannot control (ESP just reading the waiting issues:()

Psychiatric training is a national syllabus in UK and Autism is not covered...NAS were trying to change this for frontline professionals such as Health Visitors, Psychiatric Nurses. My Friend a Consultant in the field has never heard of ABA.

The untrained staff are calling the shots?
Oh dear! It should be Consultant down not other way round?
The qualified nurses think ds is being treated harshly??
They are allowing ds to be treated like this by staff who don't get ASD! They have a professional duty to step in and stop this not wait for a meeting on Wednesday!

Hi - this thread fell of my list.

Sorry you are feeling so rotten wannabe. The stress will surely not be helping your Crohns. I'm sure the thoughts of a stoma is scary but having known a few people who had them, the difference was remarkable.

I haven't forgotten the blanket! Have been in touch with the Wooly Hugs brigade. There are two other blankets on the go at the moment so once they get sorted hopefully we can get going on one for DS. Does he have any favourite colours? I was thinking various shades of blues and greens might be nice. Quite calming colours.

Seaofyou is absolutely correct. The knowledge of the average CAMHS worker about Aspergers is about as comprehensive as my knowledge of particle accelerators i.e. zilch.

I am truly appalled to read of the specific behaviours that they seem to warrant high security etc. That's no more than many young people with Aspergers. Have looked at the quals of the leading staff there that are shown on the GMC site am I am not impressed.

The big proble is that 'he's in the system' now and wrendching him out of that system to provide him with appropriate care will be very difficult indeed.

And don't think it will all be resolved after one meeting - training staff to manage people with ASD takes years.

Wannabe I will keep repeating myself sorry but your ds is in the wrong place! He should not be in a forensic unit! Please contact Judith Gould or go to NAS helpline. Also Mental Health Commisoner need to know the way ds is being treated as I am sure punishment should not be a strategy used on a child under Section 3?
Not without your permission first!

Hey
I just wanted to give a quick update and will come back later for a more in depth one. My DS' internal leave has been granted so can finally drive the dreaded three hours to Birmingham and go and see him :}

YAY!!!!!

It may just be for an hour but we are both so pleased. And this means I can travel up in half term too.

That's brilliant news wannabe

That's lovely news, Wannabe.

Hope you have a lovely visit with him, wannabe.:)

Hiya Wannabe.

Hows things? Did you get to visit ur Ds? Really hope you did&it went well...

Take care.

Hi everyone.

Sorry not coming on this week. It has been a week of mixed emotions. Have managed two visits to DS of roughly 1 15 each. It was unbelievable to see him. He looked happy, was clean and chatty. Made lots of attempts to hug and be friendly. Its the best I have seen him since he has been in hospital. He is relatively engaged and keen to start school again monday.

I had a call friday though from child protection to say they have had to remove a child from the ward who has been sexually inappropriate and may have assaulted DS and one other. The other child is in isolation. Social services are calling me monday. BUT DS now does not feel safe on the ward and I am worried will back pedal. Its a minefield. He shaved all his hair off with clippers the day he told me. And I was starting to feel like I was getting him back.

I have contacted solicitor and am awaiting response. Why do I feel we go through HORRIFIC things that are downplayed and made light of. Am starting to feel like I am going quietly mad............

Firstly I am so happy for you wannabe that ds visits went so well. Keep onto that.

Secondly how can the say they 'think' these dc should be supervised at all times even when they are asleep. Sadly this is an extremely high risk place with future murders/sexual abusers/arsonists/repeated offenders etc a place your ds should not be...please get ds moved... Now is your opportunity whilst another scandal ds is sadly caught up in and I hope your ds was not assaulted sexually:(
If ds does not feel safe their because another dc attempted or succeeded either way should never have happened on a forensic unit then ds needs to be moved....hopefully closer and nurturing environment. Your ds will have delaid recovery if feels there is a risk as increases stress etc.
You can call the police too they will investigate. Incase the hospital is trying to hush it up! Which is wrong!

Have a meeting up at the unit next friday to discuss child protection and DS's care.

That is good Wannabe! Did SS arrange this?hmm seems like the staff need training on it though!

Was ds actually abused physical,sexual, emotional? If so you should be looking towards police investigations at their CPU.

I hope your ds was not harmed in any way but this is shocking Wannabe to even be told their was a possibility!

Why would they need to discuss ds care when they are discussing CP? Tbh, CP should not be your concern unless you work their! You can't protect your dc so far away...it's their job to ESP on forensic unit!

Are you bringing solicitor with you?

Sorry I haven't been on for a while DS is not very good. Very depressed and begging me to come and get him last night. I hardly slept and called the ward to see how he was this morning to see he is being cared for.

I literally could not feel less helpless.........

Local s/s are coming to mine to night so I can discuss allegations as the child in question is now back on the ward [it was sexual] on the understanding it was on a one-to-one basis [he has to be nursed]

I have a managers meeting friday with all staff which my lovely head has kindly docked me a days pay for attending. I am in school but have cried twice....... I do feel there is a lack of empathy.

Anyway will pop back on later............

wannabe it looks like you are truly alone on this. Your problems are so bad it's likely that even if they tried, they wouldn't know where to start with empathy. But docking a day's pay is just mean spirited.

A similar thing happened to my brother when he was younger and my mother then actively kept him away from hospital however it was to his detriment and over the years his problems just got entrenched because she just couldn't cope. Perhaps your son will just need to go through what he needs to go through alone, however tough it is at the moment.

It is tough and I know deep down he needs to do this its just when he cried [he never cries] and said ' please mum come and get me I feel so depressed and I don't want anymore tablets' what can I say?........... I told him these 'episodes' are getting less and less and that we love him but still?

He is 15 and has spent most of the last year in hospital. Its no life.

And yes mental illness is just so taboo and I think they are roundabout 'trying' to be sympathetic but its hard. And social services are still not helping me financially so going up there twice a week at eighty pounds a time is crippling!!!

I just can't imagine what you have to go through, my heart goes out to you.

All you can do is make sure that the people looking after him know that you will come down on them like a ton of bricks if they mess up. Are you getting access to his medical records?

I have to say the hospital are very good and I phone regularly when he is down and they are happy to chat.

I just feel miserable at the moment and hyper teary :{

Not surprise you're teary, you must be exhausted. Take it easy on yourself.

Social services cancelled ten minutes after they were due............ so angry.
Ds's social worker told me she was going on leave on friday and had no time for another meeting but could maybe squeeze five minutes on the phone........

What the actual fuck!!!!

Wannabe this is appalling hopefully someone else will be along with some practical advice soon.