advice needed desperately regarding social services

[wannabestressfree]

I am desperate for some advice and wondered if anyone could help......

I have three sons. 14,10 and 7. My oldest is aspergers and ADHD, self harms daily and has had two stays in mental hospitals. On sunday he attacked me with a knife in front of my middle son. He didn't hurt me but obviously it was very scarey. He then absconded {he does this a lot} and eventually the police took him to hospital.

A house officer phoned me in the morning and said he would be requiring inpatient treatment but he is medicating at the moment [he is on a childrens ward} and so they have reversed the decision and say he is fit to return home. He self harms daily and his special education school has told social services they are refusing to have him back. I work full time as a teacher.

I told social services I wouldn't have him in the house......... this is after years of asking for help and they have phoned today and said they will give me respite for a week by placing him in foster care in our old home town. I cannot believe they would do this as this is where he absconds too and drinks and was basically told 'tough'......... no other foster carers would take him due to his mental condition. The social worker insisted I tell my school they were dealing with us {head was super supportive} and said they would be looking at the other children. I am so upset as I just want some help.

He will stop taking his medication when he comes home, attack the other children and roams in and out of the house. We are all exhausted.

So advice please............ do I take him back tomorrow or allow him into foster care that I know is not the right place. I honestly feel like they are emotionally blackmailing me..................

I definitely second Sea's advice to write a personal letter to Judith Gould.

YoungMinds will put you in touch with one of their volunteer psychaitrists with whom you can discuss your DS's case and ask for advice. We did - they were fantastic and that was what finally made me realise that DS had been misdiagnosed and that his care programme was totally inappropriate.

DS had a terrifying experience at the hands of a rogue NHS consultant and that has made me obsessively wary and questioining. We should be able to trust that are children are receiving correct care - it's not always the case.

I would also make an appointment to speak with your MP. There are many issues that need addressing at a high level. He/she should be able to assist you in getting answers.

Had a long conversation with DS's consultant today and.....
No visits are possible until he stops posing a risk to others
He has a week to engage and then meds will be forcebly given to him - a second opinion will be asked for then it will happen.
His section is being renewed for six months.

I am so so so emotionally exhausted. I literally couldn't speak yesterday. I feel completely and utterly encompassed by whats going on. Thank god I have a long weekend off.

I am copying down the things that have been suggested and I will be taking everyone's advice. Thank you all for your continued support.

What meds is he on? Has he been refusing them?
I hope the consultant sounded like s/he knows what s/he's doing? Did s/he sound as if s/he likes your boy and holds his best interests at heart?

I hope the long weekend will bring some much needed r&r for you. How are your two younger ones doing?

What you need to do now is REST. I know this is easier said than done but, for tonight at least, put all of this out of your mind.

Please don't think that you have to be on the case 24/7 and have your ds's plight at the forefront of your mind all of the time. You must be firm with your thoughts and rank them in groups of priorities otherwise they'll overwhelm and exhaustyou and you'll become a nervous wreck.

If you find your thoughts turning to this subject, switch your focus elsewhere. If stray thoughts wander in uninvited, show them the door.

Although you may not actively be thinking about your ds's plight your brain will still be busy processing information, and it's often the case that possible solutions appear in our minds when we're not thinking about the problem.

As it's a bank holiday weekend there's nothing that can be done until next Tuesday at the earliest, and taking time out for yourself will serve to recharge your batteries ready for the next onslaught.

Give yourself a break, honey, and luxuriate in having a long weekend in which you engage in activites that please you and your 2 other dc.

Try and rest over the weekend...I know easier said then done! Take care, thinking of you and your DS.

Quick update.....
DS is very distressed. Has been throwing things at staff, very abusive etc. Has been upsetting other children and superficially cutting his arms to distract from the large, deep ones on his legs. He has 'mania'. He has been removed from the general population part of the unit and is being nursed in isolation in the low stimulus area. His Depo injections will be starting today as he is still medication refusing and they are concerned he is spiralling further down.........

I'm so very, very sorry to read this, wannabestressfree. I haven't the experience to offer wise words, but know that you and your son are in my thoughts and prayers.

I am so very sorry to learn that you've had more bad news to contend with.

Do you feel that his distress at what that sw told him has been exascerbated by the fact that you have been prevented from visiting him?

Did he know that you planned to visit him last week?

Oh wannabe. I am sorry. I just wish there was something we could DO.

Hugs.

There is something we can do, Cider.

At some point wannabe or her ds's solicitors will need to seek an independent second opinion from an accredited expert on ASD.

I would suggest that we each search the net with a view to compiling a list of renowned and accredited ASD specialists together with their credentials and regardless of their geographical location.

I have followed your story from your first post. I cannot begin to imagine the turmoil you and your ds must be in. I can't offer any advice but just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and your boy and hope that you can see each other soon..

Izzy - very happy to do that once my DSs are in bed.

Presumably getting such a second opinion will be expensive. I am happy to organise and administer a "fighting fund" for wannabe and her DS1. Please would anyone interested PM me?

Wannabe - so very sorry. How is your own health at present? (DS3 has got three new teeth and finally stopped dribbling, but DS2 has an ear infection and DS1 has somehow managed to contract Scarlet Fever .)

I think I may be admitted to hospital :{ I fainted a school today - my blood sugar was 2.1 and I am struggling to get it up. I am constantly on the loo due to the crohns + stress and am so tired. Have appointment at five. Am hoping they can just grant me rest at home as have Guys on monday..........

I just wanted to say wannabe that I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart genuinely goes out to you and to your son. Take care of yourself X

Oh wannabe :( Hope they were able to help you at the appointment.

long time lurker, sorry to hear nothing is improving,

you are a wonder to have kept your strenght for this long.

I am following this thread and I don't know what I can say to help, but please know that I am thinking of you in this desperate situation.

I think you should be incredibly proud of yourself as a mother.

I really hope your DS's situation improves and so does your health.

I am still at home :}

My blood sugar settled apparently I have an attractive condition called 'dumping' to do with my crohns. I am seeing my consultant at Guys monday though and they can advise me better ways to cope. Sweaty tashes at school are not attractive..........

My DS is doing well. Has been taking his medication and although he has to remain in low stimulus for the forseeable future he was quite chipper and chatty. Its always such a boost when he seems happier. He received a comfort parcel I sent with some letters and socks, toothpaste, books etc. I just hope he maintains it for a few days so I can see him...........

Thank you all for the kind messages. I can't express how much they pick me up......

I'm pleased to see your post wannabe

I wonder if there is a teenage equivalent of the MN blanket, something we could do for your son.

Take good care of yourself wannabe x

I hope you yourself can get some help from your hospital appointment. Just try and give your son time. My experience of mental hospital is it can work very well but it tends to be slow. Sending best wishes.

I know it will take a long time. I would rather this be a long stay that means he never returns rather than a revolving door and he ends up in there again.....

Do you know Time he would probably like a blanket. He has one at home but he isn't allowed that sort of thing in the unit. That is something to bare in mind when I know he is returning.

Tonight he asked for art supplies which is great. He loves drawing and it gives him something to focus on. I am trying to not get too excited and I know its early days but still.............

I hope this is a turning point wannabe, my heart breaks for him. He is still a child and the fact he isn't allowed to see you, his mum, is terrible. I can't see how depriving him of something so basic but yet so important as a mothers love is of any benefit. But I understand I'm looking at it from an emotional point of view. It's a shame he isn't allowed a blanket too, again, something so simple that may bring him comfort. I do hope that things soon improve for you. I think you are amazing, holding down a job, coping with illness while coping with the stress of all this. My heart really do go out to you.

Back to lurking now

Zombie likes the blanket idea. She wonders if there's any reason why one shouldn't be started now. It could be sent to wannabe as soon as it's finished and she could then imbue it with all the love she has for DS so that when he can have it, it will be truly magical.

Zombie would be happy to buy some wool. She can't actually knit or crochet. Never mind dropped stitches, dropped Zombie fingers are a whole other thing.

Huge Zombie ((((( hugs ))))) for wannabe.

well I can knit, Just got involved with one of the wollyhugs blankets on another thread.

Are there any others on this thread that could maybe knit / donate / organise (I can't organise as I am where my name suggests)

Anyone?

A blanket is a great idea. I'm sure the Wooly Hug lot would help. Will investigate.

Glad you are feeling better Wannabe and that DS is doing ok ATM.