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Relationships

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Original poster

Dating a shorter man

166 replies

Darnsarfupnorf · 11/09/2011 02:23

Any ideas?

Ive been chatting to a man on facebook for a little while, weve met through mutual friends a few times and really get along. hes really lovely and i think we could have a pretty good relationship (my first since dd was born) but hes quite a bit shorter than me and its really putting me off!

Has anyone experienced this? Did you get over it? and how?

I dont get many chances at starting relationships so I dont want to blow it by being silly!

OP posts:

iscream · 11/09/2011 02:50

I would be put off by it as well, and am not sure how you could get over it. I have not ever dated a shorter man, but I have dated men I didn't find physically attractive, but as I got to know them, did become attracted, due to their brains. Maybe the same thing would have happened had one of them happened to be shorter though.
I think you should keep on getting to know him, and do things together as friends only, and perhaps you will find yourself feeling differently. I was friends with my dh for over a year before becoming interested, and we have been together 27 happy years now.

Solo · 11/09/2011 02:53

I also don't get much chance to date or find a relationship, but I wouldn't want to date a man shorter than me...I like an alpha male type and that, for me starts with them being taller than I am. Maybe it's a shallow way of thinking though.

Good luck with what you decide to do.

Original poster

Darnsarfupnorf · 11/09/2011 03:15

im the same solo im a rugby player kind of girl, very tall and broad and muscley (sp?) but he definetly isnt!

not sure if im getting more attracted to him because im getting more desperate as awful as that sounds!

iscream i hope i can get over it! he really is lovely, i feel silly letting this get in the way but i cant force it i guess. im quite tall (5.9") so making me feel 'small and girly' is pretty hard but ive got an image in my head of the 2 of us out together and me lookin masive and him looking tiny which i know my brains exaggerated but its really bugging me!

fingers crossed eh!

OP posts:

DizzyBrummie · 11/09/2011 06:52

I'm nearly 6 foot and my XH was about 5'9" and it was never an issue. My mom is 6'2" and my dad only 5'7", now that used to cause comment but never an issue for either of them

All that said, if it freaks you it freaks you, you may find as time passes it bothers you less.

My DH is 6'4" and I have to admit I much prefer it

CoteDAzur · 11/09/2011 06:55

If it's bugging you now, at the beginning of your relationship when all is romantic and lovely, it is unlikely to get any less annoying later on imo & ime.

alittlebitresignedtoitall · 11/09/2011 08:58

OP, I dont consider myself a shallow person in any way shape or form but I met a guy for a date that said he was 5' 7". I'm 5' 8" so I bought a pair of flat shoes so we were about the same height but when we met up, he was no more than 5' 4". I felt huge next to him and didn't agree to meet him again. It's OK to have a type but I do wonder if we met people through work, as an example, we would be less put off my them not being true to type. I've had crushes on some pretty ugly ducklings that I have come into contact with through work that I wouldn't have looked twice at in a social setting so maybe there's a way round the problem! Shame to be put off if there is a spark between you as it is quite difficult to find!!

HairyGrotter · 11/09/2011 09:52

Oooo not sure I could date a guy shorter than me. I'm only 5ft 8" but I love my heels so go to 6ft, need a guy taller, just feels 'wrong' to me, but I guess if I fell head over heels (I often tumble when drunk) for someone it wouldn't be an issue.

MangoMonster · 11/09/2011 09:54

Get to know him and hopefully you'll realise that height is not important when it comes to finding a good relationship.

Ifancyashandy · 11/09/2011 09:57

Am 5'8 and XP was about 5'5. Together for 10 years. He was the most 'alpha' man I've ever gone out with, definitely had the 'I could build you a house' factor! In fact, he was a little too macho - suffered somewhat from Little Man Disease but that was probably more to do with his background, rather than his height. Hated me wearing heels though!

Deesus · 11/09/2011 09:58

Can I ask how big the height difference is?

Malificence · 11/09/2011 10:06

If it were a group of men talking about how they would never be with tall women, they would be seen as ignorant and shallow, so the difference here is?
How awful that a man's height is an issue, if he's decent, loyal and loving what the hell does it matter if he's not tall?
Me and DH are exactly the same height, 5 ft 7, so in heels I'm taller, if that ever bothered me I'd slap myself for being so pathetic.

HairyGrotter · 11/09/2011 10:12

I have had men they wouldn't date me because I'm taller than them, doesn't bother me personally. Odd thing to pick up on

beatenbyayellowteacup · 11/09/2011 10:17

I dated a shorter man for 3 years. He was hot, we were great friends and it never once bothered me. I have been on dates with shorter men whom I didn't really fancy and it bothered me.

If you really fancy him, it won't matter.

MrsRobertDuvall · 11/09/2011 10:20

I am 6 feet and dh is 5 feet 10.
I do wish he was about 6 foot 3, as I would feel more comfortable about wearing heels.
However he isn't , and I just have to get over it.
I do like talking to tall men though

Solo · 11/09/2011 10:49

I always hated having to kiss down to a shorter man iyswim? it's like kissing a girl, you kind of take the lead when you are taller...

Solo · 11/09/2011 10:52

Shorter men examples:

Princess Diana and Prince Charles.

Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise.

Both women had to wear flat shoes all the time, both ended up divorced

MrsRobertDuvall · 11/09/2011 10:53

larrygrylls · 11/09/2011 11:01

This is an unbelievable thread. Of course relationships are about attraction and that is biological so cannot be legislated for. However, imagine a thread titled "dating a black man" and people giving all sorts of similar examples as have been given up above ("ooh, I just cannot imagine kissing those fat lips", "cannot imagine what people think when we walk down the road together"). If you are not attracted, you are not attracted but talking about short men as if they are a different species is quite offensive.

For the record, yes I am short (5'5) but it has never bothered me and I have dated plenty of (very nice) taller women in my time.

Solo · 11/09/2011 12:28

It's personal preference larry and not personal jibes.

SansaLannister · 11/09/2011 12:52

I'd be put off, too. If you're not attracted and it puts you off, just move on now. People don't have to go out with someone, you know.

Princess Di and Charles were the same height, btw.

SansaLannister · 11/09/2011 12:56

IME, plenty of shorter men have Short Man Syndrome and get quite tetchy and het up about their height. Like certain posters on this thread :o.

performancegirl · 11/09/2011 13:02

i am 5ft 11, ex DH is 5ft6. it wasn't a problem when we got together but eventually it became more of one. i notice now in all photos of us together i am sort of crouching so as not to appear massive next to him. Towards the end of the relationship i would be embarrassed to hold his hand when we were walking down the street beacuse it felt like i was taking a child for a walk. Also could never wear heels...It's nothing to do with the reason we split up but i would certainlly never date anyone shorter than 5ft 10 now for the reasons above.

ASByatt · 11/09/2011 13:06

Solo - sure, it's 'personal preference' - one that suggests that the person is very shallow, tbh.

Am quite shocked at this.

MitchiestInge · 11/09/2011 13:16

I like having shorter friends so I'm not the dumpy one but wouldn't want to be taller than an actual date, nice to wear heels sometimes and be about the same height or a bit less isn't it?

probably be the same effective height once lying down so from that point of view it might not matter

Berries · 11/09/2011 13:21

I only find men attractive if they're articulate and intelligent, does that make me shallow? It's a personal preference. Don't think the OP is finding the 'spark' there though, otherwise she'd be willing to overlook the height thing.

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