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Original poster

Dating a shorter man

166 replies

Darnsarfupnorf · 11/09/2011 02:23

Any ideas?

Ive been chatting to a man on facebook for a little while, weve met through mutual friends a few times and really get along. hes really lovely and i think we could have a pretty good relationship (my first since dd was born) but hes quite a bit shorter than me and its really putting me off!

Has anyone experienced this? Did you get over it? and how?

I dont get many chances at starting relationships so I dont want to blow it by being silly!

OP posts:
Badtasteflump · 14/09/2011 11:00

I know it's shallow but my DH is a good bit taller than me (I'm 5'10, he's 6'4) and I like it that way.

TBH in the past if I've dated a shorter man I've felt like a bit of a tranny.

Sorry Blush

mayorquimby · 14/09/2011 11:16

"Napoleon was hardly unsuccessful anyway."

Or short. He was above average height for the time. Q.I. ftw

Amateurish · 14/09/2011 12:10

I think OP should go for it. In my experience, shorter men are funny, intelligent and all round great people, not to mention better in bed.

It's possible that my sex (male) and height (5'5) might have slightly clouded my judgement Wink

Chandon · 14/09/2011 12:20

Give it a go.

In the end, we are all the same height when we are lying down Wink

Am 6ft 1 and if single would date shorter men, as long as they did not have a problem with my height, FWIW.

HardCheese · 14/09/2011 14:01

I'm thoroughly depressed by some of the airhead attitudes on this thread - I agree with whoever said slightly up the thread that attraction isn't, as people are claiming, a purely personal issue, but always societally constructed in part. Our time and place tells us what it is acceptable to find attractive. The Victorians would be nonplussed by, say, the hair-straightened, permatanned whippet-women who are sold to us as icons of beauty!

What on earth is going on with those of you who appear to equate height with 'alpha male' qualities, and actually want to be 'dominated' by a partner? Have you actually thought this through? And would it be unseemly to make some kind of link between these fundamentally shallow criteria for selecting a mate and the number of awful, abusive or borderline-abusive relationships discussed in the Relationships forum?

Badtasteflump · 14/09/2011 14:09

Hmm - haven't read all the thread TBH HardCheese but would like to defend my own post by saying that I do not associate my DH's tallness with 'alpha male' qualities, and would never want to be dominated by anybody.

To me a man being tall and well built (my DH is an ex rugby player) is just something I find attractive and I make no apologies for that. Although I take your point that what I find attractive may well have been influenced by outside issues - although in my case at least that's never caused me any problems....

Fimbo · 14/09/2011 14:10

But is there ever a height which is too tall? I fear this will happen to my ds, he is already huge (in height) at 7. He will be taller than dh at 6ft 2, but where will it stop?

RustyBear · 14/09/2011 14:22

Thing is, if there is a correlation between lack of height and lower earnings it will be due once again to prejudice (quite possibly unconscious) on the part of employers, not any innate deficiency on the part of short people.

HorseHairKnickers · 14/09/2011 14:31

Liking a man to be tall/taller than you is not about being dominated or wanting to be!!
My Dad was 6'5" and was the gentlest, quietest man on earth. My brother is 6'8" and built like the proverbial brick outhouse and although he looks scary, he too is gentle (though not as quiet as Dad was).

My Ds is almost 6 feet tall at age 13.1, Dd is 4.8 and the height of a 7yo. Maybe I like tall men because I've been surrounded by them in my family all my life. Maybe it's because I just like it

FWIW, I had shorter than me boyfriends during my teens; one was so much shorter than me I could put my arm down straight, lift up my forearm and rest it on his shoulder. Someone said it was like a lamp post taking a peg for a walk. Didn't put me off at the time, but as I grew up, my tastes and preferences changed.

deleting · 14/09/2011 14:32

Veritybrulee we are in the same position, although ds2 is only 2.5 years. This thread has made me extremely sad.

AnyFucker · 14/09/2011 15:09

I dunno about whoever said that short men can have a "problem" with tall women

I am 5ft 10 and whenever I get chatted up, it seems to be always by shorter men

it's certainly not been my experience that shorter men are put off or intimidated by taller women

my DH is the same height as me

he reckons he has an inch on me, but he doesn't Smile

HairyGrotter · 14/09/2011 15:15

I don't think men who are 'shorter' have a problem with taller women per se, I was referring to some men have a problem with taller women being intimidating. But that is only from my own experience.

AnyFucker · 14/09/2011 15:18

I think a small majority of short men have a problem with taller women, for sure

but they would be arseholes whatever their height Smile and likely to look for a problem to be had with women IYSWIM

huffythethreadslayer · 14/09/2011 15:20

I'm 5'11 and have a weak spot for short men. Maybe because my first boyfriend was only 5'8. He was utterly gorgeous...sex on a stick. Having said that, my DH is a 6 footer and, though not as 'pretty', still gorgeous in my book. Nothing to do with their heights in either case, I suspect, but everything to do with the blend of personalities and not being utterly repulsive!!!!

TDada · 14/09/2011 23:09

Nicholas Sarko anyone?

Hardgoing · 14/09/2011 23:15

My experience is that height matters a lot of you don't really fancy them, but if they are very handsome and gorgeous, it matters a lot less. I've certainly dated men on the shorter side on that basis. And charismatic attractive intelligent guys can be any height if their personality reels you in.

I don't think you fancy him, and you don't necessarily need to over-analyse why. If you do really fancy him, and it is genuinely fear of what others thing, I would get over that straight away if a good relationship is on the cards.

churningyearning · 15/09/2011 10:47

This thread makes me feel very sad. My brother is very short and to be honest it has affected every aspect of his life, not least dating. He's nearly 50 now and is still single and living on his own - I can't help thinking that's all down to women feeling the same way as many of the posters on here. Too many people get screwed in life by the reactions of others to the way they look (be they fat, short, disabled etc etc). OP if you really like this man, give him a chance, short or not, he could just be the man of your dreams!

Chandon · 15/09/2011 12:15

When I was a teen, and in looooooove with a shorter boy, my friends talked me out of it, as "the Man has to be taller than the Woman", and that was apparently decreed by....(who exactly?! But it was a RULE).

I think you need a level of maturity and knowledge about life to have no hang ups about this sort of shallow thing.

but WHERE do those rules come from?! Who decides it is thus?!

Helltotheno · 15/09/2011 14:24

churningyearning it's very unlikely your bro's lack of success is down to his height. There are many, many short successful men out there and basically, it's down to confidence. And confidence/self-esteem originate (or should) at home.

Chandon again, it's down to parents. If parents call BS on those ridiculous statements, they won't be perpetuated but from what I can see, lots of parents are obsessed by their kids' looks, height, weight etc etc so it's only to be expected their kids will be the same.

Plus ca change....

aggietootoot · 17/09/2011 02:33

As my Granny used to say. "Handsome is as Handsome does".

TDada · 17/09/2011 17:11

Helltotheno - i disagree. My very short, intelligent friend is no less confident than me and other friends but is still single a nearly 50. Fact is many of my single women friends rule him out.....below a certain height life becomes very difficult for a bloke

Helltotheno · 17/09/2011 18:51

I refuse to believe, given all the different types of people in the world, that absolutely all women totally rule out men of a certain height and I refuse to believe that if a person has a busy and active social life and a good personality, they wouldn't encounter some of the many women out there who don't have prejudices re shorter men. In the case of your friend, as a man, you don't know what vibe he might be giving out to the opposite sex but it's highly unlikely his lack of success with women is down to his height. But if you say so...

By the way, I know many men around that age who are single (of different heights). What they have in common is issues of various different types (which imo always one way or other, boil down to either childhood or a pivotal happening in life) which have prevented them from entering into a functional relationship with someone. One or two simply just very offputting personalities.

Helltotheno · 17/09/2011 18:52

simply have of course :)

rovercat · 17/09/2011 23:54

Just to hopefully offer some reassurance to those posters who have sons or brothers who aren't as tall as they would, maybe, like. I'm taller (probably 3 inches) than my DH and my daughter is about the same with her DH. Both of them are wonderful caring husbands and you would have to go a long,long way to better them. My daughter and her DH are incredibly happy together and I can't imagine her with anyone who would look after her and love her more. Height maybe a problem for some, but at the end of the day if the chemistry isn't there it won't make a shred of difference if the guy is 5'2" or 6'2" or not in my book anyway.

Zacsbird · 18/09/2011 00:45

well I'm 5'2" so not exactly massive but I turned down a guy who was 5' 6"!

Call me shallow all you want but I need to look up to a guy, EXH was 6' 2, therfore I have very tall children! I can cope with 5' 8 ish but that's my limit. Like I said, shallow.........