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Original poster

Dating a shorter man

166 replies

Darnsarfupnorf · 11/09/2011 02:23

Any ideas?

Ive been chatting to a man on facebook for a little while, weve met through mutual friends a few times and really get along. hes really lovely and i think we could have a pretty good relationship (my first since dd was born) but hes quite a bit shorter than me and its really putting me off!

Has anyone experienced this? Did you get over it? and how?

I dont get many chances at starting relationships so I dont want to blow it by being silly!

OP posts:
Mrsfluff · 11/09/2011 20:59

I'm 6ft and my hub is 5ft8. I've never had a problem with the difference and neither has he. We had a spark when we met and it's still there 15yrs later, but that's to do with love not height. I've never dated anyone taller than me, they always seem to go for short women I find. I like to think my hub is comfortable enough in his own skin not to worry. He also likes me wearing heels, but I think that's just because he's closer to my chest then Wink

MangoMonster · 11/09/2011 20:59

Maybe, you don't find it instantly physically attractive. The same way I liked blondes. Point is, if you are looking for someone to share you're life with, you are dismissing lots of wonderful men on a very superficial basis. Looks won't keep you warm at night or help you in your marriage when the s**t hits the fan. It's about people's personality ultimately. Placing too much emphasis on looks won't set you up for an easy ride.

smartyparts · 11/09/2011 22:28

I am 5ft 7 and dh is only 5ft 9. So if I wear heels I am as tall/taller than him.

It doesn't bother me, but it does bother him.

But then, if a tall bloke hugs me, I think 'ah, this is nice!'

Kewcumber · 11/09/2011 23:17

"But then, if a tall bloke hugs me, I think 'ah, this is nice!'" - me too but only because it reminds me of my Dad hugging me when I ws little, not exactly the cue for romantic feelings!

Mind you my Dad is an arse of the highest order so maybe that put me off taller men!

elastamum · 11/09/2011 23:32

OP, you havent even met the poor man yet. why not go on a date and then see how you feel. It might be great and you wont care how tall he is or you might not click. But I expect it wont be to do with his height

elastamum · 11/09/2011 23:34

Sorry OP, just re read what you wrote Blush

If you really like him, why are you worried? No one else will care one jot!!

Helltotheno · 11/09/2011 23:41

I've never gone for anyone on the basis of looks, there would always have to be a particular personality trait there to attract me ahead of looks... so on that basis, height doesn't matter to me. Plus I don't have this 'need to feel protected by a big strong man' thing that lots of women seem to have.

My dh is probably about 5'7" which is about a half inch taller than me and about three stone heavier (muscle mainly I like to think Grin). Doesn't mind me wearing mahoosive heels, which I don't often to be fair, and doesn't have 'Napoleon complex' in the slightest.

Imo we live in a very appearances-driven society (which isn't a good thing) and as a parent, I can't bear people constantly praising kids for things which are nature-/gene-given because this only perpetuates the stereotypes thing being discussed in this thread.

Helltotheno · 11/09/2011 23:42

Oh and yes op, go for it, you've nowt to lose even if it doesn't work out!

carantala · 12/09/2011 00:04

Just think about very successful relationships where the wife is taller than the man! For example, John and Sally Bercow ...

Avinalarf · 12/09/2011 00:06

I'm 5'11 and lways dated very tall men before I met DH, who is half an inch taller than me (so i tower above him in any sort of heel). It doesnt matter to me at all, now. I'll take personality over looks and height any day. I don't know if I could ever have gone out with a man much much shorter than me, though.

susiedaisy · 12/09/2011 10:23

Dating a shorter man is different to dating a short man though isn't, if a women is an inch or two taller than her averaged height man no one really notices, but if a man is only four foot eleven and his wife is five foot six it stands out a mile not that there's anything wrong with that it's just that it is more noticeable, my friends parents were in fact those heights and it always made me smile whenever I saw them together, don't know why it just did, by the way they were very much in love and married for over 45 years until he passed away last yearSad

Solo · 12/09/2011 12:00

I can't say I've ever noticed if a couple are woman tall and man short and I wouldn't care what people may or may not think if I did date a shorter man, but I just don't find short/shorter men attractive/my type etc...I don't like blond men either even though I was once married to one...I do like redheads though and bald is fine too...just not short

BluMoon · 12/09/2011 12:07

I'm 5ft 10" and wouldn't date anyone shorter than me. I too like the "alpha male" thing.

Ephiny · 12/09/2011 12:08

It does seem a bit of an odd and silly thing to worry about to me. But then I'm barely 5'2" so don't meet many adult men shorter than me. DP is 5'10 which is probably not considered properly 'tall' but seems that way to me!

We all have our personal preferences though. Personally I'm not much attracted to skinny men, and in fact being very tall would be a bit offputting as well. If you don't find him physically attractive, then you just don't, it's not really something that can be right or wrong, and you can't force yourself to feel differently.

mayorquimby · 12/09/2011 12:17

"If it were a group of men talking about how they would never be with tall women, they would be seen as ignorant and shallow, so the difference here is?"

I don't think there is a difference but I also think that attraction and who you are attracted to is the one place where discrimination is completely acceptable. It's a completely subjective and personal preference and not something a lot of people can rationalise away and are unlikely to ignore just so that they can satisfy themselves that they are not shallow etc.
I'm a short man (5'8") and I have no problem or take no offence at the significant proportion of women who list height as desirable or who wouldn't want to be involved with me due to my height, that's how physical attraction tends to work (it's largely shallow and superficial) and it's also vital for most people, myself included. I couldn't ever be with someone who was overweight, i accept that this is a completely shallow statement, however it does not change the fact that I would not feel a physical attraction to someone who was overweight no matter how much I accept that it is shallow.

HairyGrotter · 12/09/2011 12:18

This thread has made me laugh, not sure it's meant to, but it has.

forehead · 12/09/2011 12:22

I just wouldn't discount a man because of his height. Can you imagine the lovely men (both short and tall) who are single because of their height.?
I once had a friend who turned down a lovely chap because he was 5ft5 inches and she wanted a man who was at least 5ft 7 inches. She herself was 5ft 8. This chap is now happily married to a lovely woman and my friend is still single. She bitterly regrets her previous attitude and would settle for a 'nice' man.

ColdTruth · 12/09/2011 12:30

Forehead It's a good thing she turned him down then no person deserves to be 'settled' for.

If you don't find someone physically attractive you just don't and you shouldn't force yourself into a relationship if you don't feel anything going on.

blondegirl1979 · 12/09/2011 16:15

I am 5ft 7, and i met a man on the internet who lied about his height, he said he was 5 ft 8, but was at least 2 inches shorter than me...why lie, did he think I wouldnt notice ? For me personally I have been involved with 1 person who was about an inch shorter than me (I dont wear heals, ever..) and I just felt uncomfortable, all the time with him, even if we were at home. My ex of 10 years was the same height as me, that wasnt a problem, so for me its not that I dont like "short men", I just would not get involved with a man "shortER" than me.

TDada · 13/09/2011 20:46

I have a friend who is approx 5ft 2; very intelligent, (first class degree Oxbridge), good fun, laid back, average looks.......he is now 50 and only just had his first real girlfriend...he has been trying for ages

Original poster
Darnsarfupnorf · 13/09/2011 21:50

aww tdada nice hes found someone at last :)

first date tomorow, just lunch (with the baby as my babysitters are at work but he suggested it so we could meet up sooner [its be a rather long time to wait for a day without the baby!])

quite excited but nervous too. the usual 'will he like me?','will there be enough to talk about?' etc but obviously theres the extra 'will his height freak me out?' worry

i think this thread has mostly got me over it but still the thought of looking down on him as we talk whilst standing up is worrying me!

fingers crossed anyway, he keeps getting lovelier and lovelier (sp?) Grin

OP posts:
VerityBrulee · 13/09/2011 22:01

I find threads like this so depressing.

My ds is small for his age, he had months of tests and his consultant concluded that he will always be on the small side of average. He is so smart, funny, loving and gorgeous and it makes me so sad to think of the attitudes he will face as he gets older.

His consultant also told us that the best thing we can do for ds is ensure that he has robust self esteem. He will certainly need it.

ThatsNotMyBabyBelly · 13/09/2011 22:01

Good luck!

twotesttickles · 13/09/2011 22:07

X-DH was shorter than me (and I'm not exactly tall either). It was a problem for us. But more because he was a small mountain troll than anything really. Height is only a tiny factor but it can become a factor in people's personalities IME. People always assume I am much taller than I am and I think there is an issue of mental 'height' (perhaps to do with self-confidence).

VerityBrulee if he really gets confidence people won't notice if he's not as tall. I know some very successful male doctors who are under 5ft 3. In fact it can be an advantage because patients are not intimidated by them.

CoteDAzur · 13/09/2011 22:08

Verity - Why don't you talk to your DS's pediatrician about possibly using HGH (human growth hormone)? His height now does not have to determine his adult height.

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