Dating a shorter man

[Darnsarfupnorf]

Any ideas?

Ive been chatting to a man on facebook for a little while, weve met through mutual friends a few times and really get along. hes really lovely and i think we could have a pretty good relationship (my first since dd was born) but hes quite a bit shorter than me and its really putting me off!

Has anyone experienced this? Did you get over it? and how?

I dont get many chances at starting relationships so I dont want to blow it by being silly!

VerityBrulee what age is your ds? I'm surprised that your consultant seemed so definite that he'd always be small cos I've heard other stories suggesting that boys grow at different rates and boys that were small when young can grow to average (or more) height.

My ds was always average on the growth charts etc but I find it really bloody annoying that because there are so many overgrown monsters well above averagely tall boys his age, he's regarded as small. And parents tend to bang on about tallness an awful lot too, which is also bloody annoying. But confidence and self-esteem do count for a lot.

Look at Danny de Vito, he did ok

Cote isn't that a bit radical? Is that not just for a medical condition?

I think it's entirely reasonable to hope that by the time dc are adults, civilisation will have moved on, and things other than appearance will be more important. We just live in crazy times; they may not have to.

I think that is a bit optimistic. Personally, I don't expect humanity to move much in the 15 years or so that it will take my little children to become young adults.

Verity should know that it is possible to make her DS slightly taller through the use of HGH. I don't think it is "radical" at all.

Moronic - unfortunately for my DS, these are the crazy times he's living in.
Helltotheno - the consultant we saw assured us that DS would go on growing past the average age at which growth stops (around 19 iirc) and end up average height. It didn't happen, he's nearly 24 now and around 5' 4".

Of course it's radical! Using a hormone to artificially change the normal growth of a child is a radical action to take, regardless of whether it's available as a treatment.

It's also pretty dubious to use it to change a condition which is not an illness and is only a disadvantage because of other people's attitudes...

cote his HGH levels were normal when he was tested so we were told that there was no point in using this treatment as it wouldn't be effective. IIRC he would have to have a deficiency for the treatment to work.

Hell he is 11. One of the tests was a X ray of his hand from which they were able to say that he wouldn't have a growth spurt. It seems that it's genetic, my maternal grandfather was only 5'4", same as me. On the other hand he survived the battle of the Somme, and lived to be 89! Ds likes that connection with his GGF

He is super bright and has a lovely personality, but he is conscious of his size. He hasn't encountered much teasing, but other children do comment on it. I worry that it will be an issue when he is a little older. Teen aged girls can be cruel

twotesttickles that's interesting as I think he be a great doctor, he absolutely adores babies, I've often said he'd make a great pediatrician!

I'm guessing that Verity might be looking less for: "there's still hope, he might not always be short - have you considered hormone injections?"

and more for: "don't worry, there will be plenty of people whom your ds will encounter in his life, who won't share the embarrassingly shallow views displayed by some on this thread. Some of those people will find themselves to be interested in, attracted to, and/or in love with your ds. If he remains small-statured and is therefore overlooked by appearance-obsessed people who carry around a mental tick-list of what constitutes attractiveness, it will be no loss to him."

Wow they were able to tell that from an xray of his hand
So what height is he now?

I think too it doesn't help that there are so many very tall kids around as the contrast is greater. So probably 50 years ago, his height would've been average... He has longevity on his side though :)

Verity - I'm sure your DS will be fine

DH is 5 foot 9, so on the shorter side. DD and DS, on the other hand, are among the tallest of their age. (Probably taken after me, as I was very tall as a child, then thankfully stopped growing around age 12). Even if he is a short adult in the future, hopefully his childhood towering over his peers will have bestowed enough confidence over him that he just won't care

cloudy - When I need someone to tell me how to talk to others, I will let you know. Until then, kindly buzz off and mind your own business. Thank you.

Well, all support is very welcome, but yes cloudydays that was lovely to read, thank you

cloudydays I only mentioned that because often, things that've been said to me by docs have not turned out to be true in relation to similar stuff, not really as a 'there's still hope...' etc :)

But I agree with your basic point. As I said upthread, my dh is what would be considered small and he's one of the most confident people I know.

Hell I'm not sure of his height now, but he wears age 8-9 clothes. His 7 year old sister is about 2-3 cms shorter than him, and I just pray she doesn't grow faster than him as that would be bad for morale! He stopped growing at age 3 and literally didn't grow a cm for 2 years, then the began to grow again at his previous pace.

I was amazed at what they could tell me from looking at the x ray!

And Cote, when I need someone to tell me when I should post my reponse to previous posts, and when I should 'buzz off', you'll be the first to know. :)

You seem to think that makes sense.

My daughter, age 8.3, is 4ft., 8in. She had many tests, before the cause of her motor skills delays were determined. Several of them were complex bone tests and samples of her femurs. She will grow to at least 5ft., 10in.

Her only female friend is diagnosed achondroplasia. This girl is a dwarf.

But different things suit different people, and that's why I just don't think, 'Oh, you're shallow' because what doesn't appeal to me appeals to others.

Like mayorquimby said, he is not a tall man, but he wouldn't want to date someone overweight, and he's no more bothered by that than someone who wouldn't date him because of his height (he is not a dwarf, just not an above-average-for-height man).

What doesn't appeal to me, may appeal to my own children, I don't much care. I don't have to wake up next to that person.

So I don't take offense and I try to teach her not to.

You do what you want, you go with whom you're attracted to, if someone isn't attracted to you, for whatever reason, then they nee to JOG ON. There are lots of people out there. Where there's not one, there's another.

She marries a dwarf, I don't care. I'm not her, and if make her happy, so be it.

Thing is, over the average height women have to deal with 'shallow' views when it comes to dating also. There are men intimidated by their height. It works on both ends of the spectrum.

It's just as bad that way round, HairyGrotter.

I admit, I've always had a preference for tall, so if I was picking a partner purely on physical appeal I admit I would be perusing the tall end of the market first.

However, I don't cling to my personal preference to a extent where I would automatically rule out suitably interesting and attractive shorter men - or any other man who wasn't really my type - just as well really, as DH would have never got anywhere with me if I did

Sometimes the fact that a guy is not what you usually go for ends up not mattering because everything else about them is just so right... and sometimes it does end up bothering you, probably because you just don't like them enough and them being short/skinny/blond/otherwise not your type is something very obvious to focus on.

I cannot believe we now have people wanting to treat a man who is 5'4. He is not sick for God's sake! He is short.

Yes, there is a correlation between earnings and height but it is a weak one. I am 5'5 and my best year was £640k and I had a couple more over £500k. I managed a decent sized desk in the City with many tall people and one ex international athlete. They had no problem reporting to me and I held my team together for over 10 years in an environment which is typified by everyone moving banks for the next pay cheque.

I don't think I have a Napoleon complex either, though that is not for me to judge and, frankly, Napoleon was hardly unsuccessful anyway. The only disadvantage I have found due to my height is being easily lobbed in squash and tennis.

The big advantage to being short is it screens out those looking for an "alpha" male in a shallow way.

As I agreed, there is nothing one can do about attraction, it is purely biological. However, societal attitudes do shape it. Think about what men considered attractive in the day or Rubens and what we consider attractive today. "Shortism" for want of a better word seems to be one of the last prejudices to be not only allowed, but openly encouraged.

Great post larrygrylls. And of course, anyone with even a modicum of intelligence knows that catch-all statements like the one re the correlation between earnings and height are largely BS.

I agree with you re 'shortism' but I also think it's part of the overall trend towards valuing physical traits more than personal ones, and my experience is that lots of parents are guilty of this.

It's kind of consumerism, isn't it? We're being influenced to panic when our dc are less than the perfect advertisers' ideal, in whatever way that is; and peer pressure does influence us hugely with choice of partner, so we're afraid to be mocked if we allow ourselves to fancy someone who doesn't look like George Clooney. It's bonkers.

In fact, "less than" is wrong - "different from" is what I should've put.