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Original poster

Dating a shorter man

166 replies

Darnsarfupnorf · 11/09/2011 02:23

Any ideas?

Ive been chatting to a man on facebook for a little while, weve met through mutual friends a few times and really get along. hes really lovely and i think we could have a pretty good relationship (my first since dd was born) but hes quite a bit shorter than me and its really putting me off!

Has anyone experienced this? Did you get over it? and how?

I dont get many chances at starting relationships so I dont want to blow it by being silly!

OP posts:
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 11/09/2011 14:38

I'm 5'8" and have recently started dating again...thought I'd go out of my comfort zone and ignore the height issue I have. Met a nice bloke who was 5'7" but I just didn't fancy him, and I'm afraid to say the height had something to do with it....just not for me...

RufousBartleby · 11/09/2011 14:41

Blimey - I know you can't help who you fancy, but are there really that many lovely men out there that you can afford to discount a large number of them just for being a bit shorter?

yellowraincoat · 11/09/2011 14:42

I'm short myself (about 5ft 1), my partner is taller than me, but short for a man (5ft 6 or so).

Obviously, it'd be pretty hard for me to find a man shorter than me, but don't rule out short men just cos you feel silly. I mean, if there's no spark, there's no spark, but if it is just the height that's putting you off cos you're worried about what people might think then try not to let it.

I used to love really tall men, but my partner is so sexy that I now tend to check out the shorter man!

yellowraincoat · 11/09/2011 14:43

Also, think about how many women WON'T date a short man. So there's probably loads of lovely short men out there who are looking for someone while all the women are fighting over tall men who could well be assholes.

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 11/09/2011 17:20

I have actually dated tall and short assholes so I wouldn't rule out someone because of their height if I fancied them..

audley · 11/09/2011 17:28

This thread has helped me realise how I managed to bag such a splendid husband - he is only 5'5" and beefy, funny, kind, successful etc etc. I never could understand how he was still single!!!

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 11/09/2011 17:38

I'm feeling more and more ashamed Blush

Original poster
Darnsarfupnorf · 11/09/2011 17:41

wow some pretty strong reactions on here! i didnt mean to upset anyone sorry!

rusty you are indeed entitled to your opinion, you have made it and it is not helping me so please shoo and let everyone else express theirs too!

the height difference is a fair few inches, hes not knee height or anything but definetly noticably shorter. not sure exactly how tall.

I too love wearing heels which would be a definite no no but like someone said as a 'well built' girl id feel uncomfortable looking huge next to him

id hate to think ive missed out on something because ive let this get in the way but like a lot of you said you cant help how you feel

and i dont consider myself shallow, the thought never crossed my mind to be honest. everyone has a type, its just a part of life but i suppose types can be beaten...

OP posts:
SansaLannister · 11/09/2011 17:51

Look, Darn, you're not 'missing out' on anything because you and this guy don't have a spark if you're already feeling uncomfortable and large. That's no way to start a relationship. Let him go and both of you go find others with whom you have some real chemistry. :)

RustyBear · 11/09/2011 17:51

Sorry, OP, but no, I am not going to 'shoo' - I haven't stopped anyone else expressing their opinion, but I don't see why I should let the prejudices expressed by some of the posters on this thread go unchallenged (not you, particularly, as you are at least willing to give it a go)

I'm sorry you don't think it's helpful to think about the possibility that the only thing stopping you is fear of other people's opinions.

SansaLannister · 11/09/2011 17:55

Don't feel bad if you prefer Edward Longshanks to Napoleon. :o It takes all sorts.

MardyArsedMidlander · 11/09/2011 17:58

I've always had a bit of thing about short men- as in I don't really fancy tall men. My ideal man would be short and muscly- I can't stand tall and skinny. Which is a bit hypocritical as I'm fairly tall and skinny myself.

Shorter men may not be able to kiss you standing up, but if they're strong there's lots of other things standing up they can do Wink

SansaLannister · 11/09/2011 17:59

Exactly, Mardy, it takes all sorts. I prefer tall and skinny myself. There's someone for everyone.

Kewcumber · 11/09/2011 18:08

I'm 5'9" and have dated a couple of men shorter than me and few have been more than an inch taller. I don;t looking way up to a man or way down. I think its psychological. I like to feel equal in a partnership not be protected or dominant. Besides I'm now way past the age where I just people on their physical attributes (except perhaps on first meeting).

Only you can decide how important it is to you. Other things are more important to me: someone funny, kind, interesting, thinks I'm the bees knees, doesn't eat with his mouth open.

Of course shorter men can kiss taller women standing up! Confused How do you think tlaler men kiss shorter women? The physics are the same and from memory sex standing up is way easier with a man slightly shorter then you.

Mind you at 46 I think I'm really less worried about what anyone else thinks and am less convinced that anyone really has a "type" than they think.

If you really have an issue with it tehn do;t even consider seeing him - it won't work and its unkind. If he is lovely he shouldn't need to settle for someone who objects to something he can't change.

wannabefree · 11/09/2011 18:10

I'm quite tall so if I discounted every man that was shorter than me I'd be chronically single! My experience is that about 90% of men are short to average. (I'd say anything under 5'9 is short.) I very rarely see tall men (over 6'). I think when today's kids are adults there'll be a greater proportion of tall men.

I would go out with someone probably half an inch shorter than me, but if I wasn't tall I don't think I would.

My ideal would be a man around 6'2. .

Its nothing to do with being shallow. Feeling like a giraffe all the way through my teens, I just wouldn't want to go out with someone who was a lot shorter than me.

Kewcumber · 11/09/2011 18:10

Now I think of it my longest term parner was 3 inches shorter than me, and was the best sex. He was emotionally stunted but I don't think that was a result of his height. But it says something that it has only just occured to me as I really can't say I noticed it after the first few weeks.

Kewcumber · 11/09/2011 18:11

very interesting wannabe - similarly tall but I don;t like tall men - I really like looking men squarely in the eye and find it quite intimidating to have to look up to them.

wannabefree · 11/09/2011 18:20

kew did you not ever find that men you were seeing were a bit insecure of not being taller than you? I did, and it was really annoying because I wasn't that bothered by it (because as I said I've accepted that the majority of men will be my height or shorter).

Original poster
Darnsarfupnorf · 11/09/2011 19:57

Ive never thought of that (ive forgotten who said it sorry!) about how it could be down to a dominance thing, maybe i dont like being the dominant one in a relationship...strange as im very independant and always have been. maybe i just want to be looked after deep down?

i realise ill get flamed for that, i dont mean that the height of the man will determine how well he can look after me, of course i dont but i wonder if it really is an instinct thing...survival of the fittest and evolution and all then. im thinking waaay to much into this now!

OP posts:
fallingandlaughing · 11/09/2011 19:59

Almost every man I have dated has been shorter than me, I am more than 6 feet tall. DP is 5'10". I rarely notice it. However, you can't invent attraction.

GeneralCustardsHardHat · 11/09/2011 20:01

My DP is shorter than me AND a rugby player...nuff said

TDada · 11/09/2011 20:49

i am 3 or 4 inches or 4 taller than wife... but i find it very interesting reading how more (most?) women would prefer ugly man to short man?

Kewcumber · 11/09/2011 20:49

wannabe - no I can't say it was a problem. If they are intimated then tehy don't generally get brave enough to ask me out! mind you the wimpiest man in creation not only repeatedly asked me out but asked me to marry him. As he hadn't done any more than hold my hand adoringly and I hadn't ever actually gone out with him, I didn't take it too seriously. And he was taller than me... it didn't count in his favour!

Kewcumber · 11/09/2011 20:53

TDada - or even worse who would take a tall dull man over a short interesting one?! Nah (if you'll excuse the pun) life's too short.

Though agree that if you don't fancy him, you don't fancy him. But I've never looked at a man and been sure why I didn't fancy them and certainly never put it down to one physical attribute.

One long ago friend when I was a teenager had spina bifida was partially in a wheelchair and only about 5 foot. We never got as far as dating as we were good freinds but I'm pretty sure if he ever made a move I'd have fallen like a ripe plum he was so lovely.

Kewcumber · 11/09/2011 20:57

And now I come to think of it - someone who worked for me once was a really ugly young man (and its not often I say that) but after working with him for about 3 months my perception had totally changed and I wouldn't have hesitated to date him (were he not 20 years too young and working for me) because he was so funny and sweet and intelligent.

Conversely I once dated a tall handsome fireman (handsome and strong enough to made you weak at the knees). It lasted about 2 weeks, becasue, well you actually got to speak eventually haven't you? And all teh physical beauty in teh world couldn;t make me hang out longer than that second week...