The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Here's To STAYING On A Sober Holiday!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

I have an abusive and volatile relationship with alcohol.

This is the Brave Babes Bus, it's filled with sober, drinking and somewhere in between Babes who are all here for the journey ahead, whatever that may entail.

EVERYONE is welcome on this Bus. No-one will judge what you are going through, what you drink, what you don't or what you do.

Come take a seat.

Take a peek at the journeys so far (including the thread by JWN that started this whole journey off) HERE

I'd say since I was late twenties. Except for pregnancies when I physically couldn't and when I was required absolutely not to (operations, driving, Nemo in hospital, but even then I had wine when we got food out ) but otherwise, yep, a good 8/9 years.

I have had periods of not drinking at all, weeks at a time rather than any great number of months.

I need to stop drinking every day. I really, really do. And I will because I want to cut right down. I can't just quit because I'm not there yet. I will be though. I will get to the booze free days.

Becks blue helps, I feel as though I'm drinking when I'm not. I know that sounds nuts, the whole 'why bother then?' I can't answer that. Yet.

Hello.

Though I'd update those who were kind enough to offer me some support on this thread earlier in the week.

Well, went to my friends birthday party and I did drink. But I was absolutely determined to not get blackout / fall over / embarrassingly drunk and I succeeded! Am so pleased! I didn't drink wine and had a few beers and also slowed down if I felt like I was neckin it - but the thing with beer (for me) is that I can't neck it due to the fizziness.

Am not saying 'I've cracked this' in a smug way and. Am absolutely aware that this was the first time out since falling over, so my 'protective cloak' wa s most definitely on. But I am really pleased that I stuck to my plan, had a few drinks but didn't get shit faced.

Not drinking in the week isn't a problem for me and I never 'need' a drink so the week ahead with no booze doesn't bother me. Just hope I can keep up the 'wine can only be consumed in small quantities and with food' mantra.

Thank you all. I shall continue to read and post....

B&B - that's why I've stopped with the wine BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY WELL DONE YOU! I bet you feel so good knowing you can do it if you try. And, eventually, it will come as second nature. xx

Right Babes, I'm off. Be back tomorrow for some more chat. Nemo is uber upset and clingy tonight so I need to sign off.

Sleep well xx

mouse you sound a little stronger in your determination again, and if you want to, you WILL get to some booze free days. Hope you and Nemo got some good sleep.

Another wasted weekend here, went to friend's house for bbq Sat afternoon and began with Irish coffees, progressed to bottles of red and cue barely remembering leaving her house .

Morning Babes, sorry for the radio silence over the past few days, and I'll probably be only sporadically dropping in for a while. Dh had to get on the plane to see FIL on Sat night, race to get back from the beach and to get there in time. He got there Sun am and spent a few hours with FIL Sun afternoon - FIL is hanging on in there, I think until his DD and DB get there today. Will is a powerful thing sometimes.

DSis is staying with me now until the weekend, which is a great help, since DD is really missing her daddy, and is aware that her DGF is sick, so is all a little bit confused. Dsis is a dab hand with distraction techniques - songs, glitter, stickers and paint! I think DD is a bit worried that daddy has gone after the argument the weekend before - she keeps asking if he's coming back ever.

Racing to get work done to get home as early as possible - think every day this week will be the same so excuse the fleeting messages.

Mouse - glad you had a good holiday with your nemo.

SAF - I'm liking your distraction techniques, and you are soooo right about the wine tasting rank!

B&B - well done you at the party - I bet it felt like the best party you've been to for a while!

noteven - seriously, don't be so hard on yourself - come and judge over here if you want to feel better about yourself! My DD is scared of me and thinks my DH has left me because I got so drunk.

Better get on with work, will try and check in daily.

Oh, this is day 9 for me without a drink

Morning Venus, how are you?

I have just got back from swimming, ta da!!!

Back on track for excercise and diet (hopefully) after the last while of sloth. I feel at the moment as if someone has crept up on me, and strapped a layer of lard around my middle.

I haven't been completely abstemious on the wine front either, a night here, a night there. Still much better than this time last year, and something to build on.

I have had lots of thoughts about this thread in the last week, when I haven't been able to post much, and I've missed it, because it helps me so much to write things down.

I think the one thing that I am grateful for, above all else, is that talking on here, has given me the tools to stop going over and over my regrets about things in the past, eg:being grumpy because of a hangover with the children, being vile with Dh instead of talking. Laying awake at night, re-living things, and then drinking the next night so that I don't.

The support on here encourages me to try to be how I want to be (which is a non-drinker because moderate isn't in me, not the same for everyone), and to go forward, not look back.

Here endeth my sermon .

Hope you and Nemo got some good sleep Mouse.
xxxxxx

Oops cross posted.
Morning Obrigada and The boss.

Also meant to say mostly I don't go over and over things! It is very hard for me not to, so I don't always succeed.

saf and theBoss well done on days 9 / 10

thurso I too think about this thread. I sometimes think that I post too much on here, sometimes to the detriment of getting on with other things. But I always want to know how everyone is getting on. I love it when I read posts where people are sounding strong and motivated, or thoughful and resolute. I also know that it helps me when I read posts about other people's drinking - it makes me feel a bit selfish, but it does help to remind me of all the crap about drinking. When people were posting last week about post-drinking bumps and bruises, it made me realise how long it is since I had skinned knees, or scraped arms or inexplicable bruising.

I also post lots whenever I feel tempted (even though I don't always realise it at the time). It helps me to re-inforce my messages to myself.

Anyway, time to get on with other things. Speak later x

Hi Isindie, good to see you back on the bus and well done on Day 3.

Isindie you're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Day 3 is bloody good - 3 ahead of me - although I am not getting trollied and keeping it controlled. Not even finishing the bottle off!
How are you and how are the DTs?

Hi babes, it's good to see you Isindie. I went out for dinner with DH on Friday, spent the whole day projecting like mad. By 3pm I had weirdly decided that as we are all going to hell in a handcart (the riots) I might as well have a glass of Chablis!!! Now I know myself well enough to know that that is code for a "bottle of Chablis but actually anything will do" so I went for a long fierce run, and listened to Purple Rain by Prince very loudly, because its a good shouty song! This went some way towards dampening my demons, but the voice was still at it, just knackered. Spent ages getting ready ready, realised I haven't got a thing to wear. Madly thought, bollocks if I was drinking I wouldn't be so self conscious, so looking crap when shit faced is OK then. Had to feed DS's before I went out, finally met DH in restaurant late, feeling wound up and frankly disheveled. DH was happily drinking a glass of wine, barman asked me what he could get me, my brain said "a vat of wine mate", but my voice said "a diet coke, please". We started chatting, the coke tasted good and I calmed down. DH said I looked lovely, which I would dispute, but as it was him I was on a date with. We had a great night, I didn't drink, I wish I could understand where the desire to comes from. It strikes so out of the blue, I wasted a whole day fretting, and have now been seen and heard by many shouting Purple Rain very loudly.

LAST NIGHT I WENT TO BED SOBER!! Well, not pissed

I had my Bulmers and 2 bottles of Becks blue and that was it. I felt so refreshed this morning, even though I'd had a rough night with Nemo but the craving for a stodgy breakfast to fill that stale alcohol void wasn't there.

Today I have started a better eating plan, more water, more exercise. I want to lose a stone. And I will.

I've just been for a walk around town with my new stick to aid my wobbley leg (meds are still affecting my balance) and I felt awake. I went out of the house in the MORNING!

IsinDe - Mwahs x100! Lovely to see a post from you.

Obrigada - BBQs are always a hard one for me, sun and booze. Ahhhhh, lush. I try not to go to them till later on nowadays but that doesn't always work.

Ma - xx

Saf - DD is going to watch the new HP film on Wednesday. Any free time I get is spent cleaning, washing, tidying etc.......... rarely on myself so I don't even think of having a drink alone or trying to meet up with friends somewhere. Plus, I'm rarely Nemo free!

venus - I love seeing posts from you! I think you get it just right.

Tonight I have Becks blue in and that's it. That's how it will remain too.

MissP!!!

Well done. There's no way that I could have done that. Not yet. For me a broken nail is a reason to drink some days. I'm really proud of you for kicking the demons into touch. You are so strong now. Look at YOU! xx

Mouse Thank you, and right back at you. YOU are strong too. x

Afternoon Babes,

quick post - drank on the weekend but poured a glass of red and didn't like the way it tasted. Which is good ... but then I just drank white wine instead

However, I drank less than other weekends, got up on Saturday and went for a swim. Got up with DD both mornings, so even though I drank I acheived everything I wanted to. I was also up to date with work (as of last night). This has NEVER happened before. (of course that was before I locked myself out this morning but that is another story...).

All in all I feel ok. Appointment with the hospital in September, mental health / counselling assessment tmrw... Not sure whether to release the full contents of my brain in the ten minutes I have...

Oh and I caught myself last night thinking it wouldn't matter if I had a drink on a Sunday. I thought ... hey ho, this is mission creep starting.

SO I did some work instead.

Hi all - am back from weekend away - yet to catch up on everyone's weekend but there seem to have been some success stories! TBoM (still think of you as Wannabe..."), thinking of you and your DH/FIL.

Drank on Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday lunchtime but in moderation (glass of champagne and half a bottle of wine with dinner on the two evenings, but it WAS my 40th after all), glass of wine with lunch on Sunday and then soft drinks from then on. Didn't touch the hotel minibar so feeling pleased with myself.

AND - DH so impressed with my two week weight loss and fitness gain that he's decided to give up drinking during the week (not that he drank that much anyway - but will help). More importantly admitted to him (and to friend at lunch today) that my evening wine consumption had got a bit out of hand at that I was going to stop drinking in the week. She has also decided to stop drinking in the week (and confessed that she had also gone down the slippery slope to a couple of glasses a night). First time in my entire life I've ever been a trend setter .

So - no alcohol for me today. As usual, the next hour will be the toughest. Best get in a couple of stiff elderflowers before the craving hits.....

Hi there isindie lovely to see you posting again. never mind the number of days, you're here and you're determined. So what IS you strategy for tonight? I often got the sense that you were more tempted (or gave in more) when you were tired. So is there anything you can do this evening that will reduce tiredness, relieve stress, ensure a good night's sleep and occupy you for a while? Sounds like a recipe for an early night [hides this post from ma's dh].

MissP you did really well for keeping on fighting that demon, it would have been all too easy to give in before you even went out. I was out yesterday and my instint was still to think that I wanted a glass of wine, when actually I was hot and thirsty and sparkling mineral water was exactly what I really wanted. In fact, so much so, that I was really pissed off when dh took some of MY fizzy water. Now that reminds me of how I used to be with my glass of wine

legalalien that is very lovely to hear about your dh. I hope it feels supportive for you and not in any way controlling. I know that it had to be ME who decided not to drink. If my dp had done it first I would have rebelled against it and become (even more) secretive. Must be wonderful to be seeing the result of your hard work fitness-wise too.