The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Here's To STAYING On A Sober Holiday!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

I have an abusive and volatile relationship with alcohol.

This is the Brave Babes Bus, it's filled with sober, drinking and somewhere in between Babes who are all here for the journey ahead, whatever that may entail.

EVERYONE is welcome on this Bus. No-one will judge what you are going through, what you drink, what you don't or what you do.

Come take a seat.

Take a peek at the journeys so far (including the thread by JWN that started this whole journey off) HERE

Hi babes - didn't want anyone to think I've jumped off the bus, am clinging on for dear life. Finding it really hard to resist the temptation to drink, so am going back and reading lots of old threads ATM.

saf DH is back and I've realised the truth in what you say - a relationship sometimes gets in the way of doing what needs to be done and can be just an added complication Hope I don't feel like this for too long, he's a good man at heart, but I've realised that my life is simpler in many ways without having to worry about him as well as me.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. Sorry for the swearing.

Oh, the strangeness of dreams! I read this thread just before going to sleep last night and had the strangest dream in which the flame haired 17 year old Thurso morphed into ariel, the Disney mermaid, and then into a selkie. I can only assume this is because I was pondering the number of Thurso related place names in nz and the fact that there had been a lot of scots immigrants. Only realisd this morning that selkies are from the far north of Scotland/orkneys. And then courtenay cox was singing dancing in the dark (I blame saf) and it was my job to try and work out whether she had had Botox. Weird.

Tbom - fasten your seatbelt - the bus has seatbelts, right? You can hang in there - suspect reading your own posts back will help. And make a plan for the weekend. How is fil?

Wantto your post made me cry. I'm always blubbing at the happy parts of movies, rather than the sad bits, except that scene in love actually where emma Thompson opens the joni Mitchell cd and then heads off to the Xmas play, which reduces me to an emotional wreck every time. Bafana you are amazing.

Welcome mop and good morning to everyone else - enough rambling from me!

Grrrr - self centred child. grrrr. All aimed at dd2 who thinks that my only role in life is to act as a taxi service. And if I can't do that, because I have to go to work (or something equally trivial) then there's not much point in engaging in family life or being civil. Grrrr. Grrrr. Grrrr.

Welcome MoP come back and tell us about yourself (if you want). And well done wantto you sound like a different woman.

isindie your dts sound just delightful, what a wonderful age

And a confirmation here that ma does indeed have short hair, but that also she is no way fat.

Morning .

Thankfully slept well last night. Still feel grotty but thats due to a cold not a hangover (or a combination of the 2). Am finding that grotty without guilt is much easier than grotty and guilty.

Off to work soon . Have a good day all.

So, here goes. I'm so glad I found this last night. Drank a bottle and a half on my own and went to bed feeling thoroughly miserable. Had a bad day with DH due to his sulky behaviour, so by the time it got to about 5pm I was ready to hit the bottle. I don't actually feel too bad this morning, bit I'm pretty sure that once I've dropped DS to nursery in a minute I will make myself a bacon and egg sarnie and spend the best part of the day in bed. I'm meant to be preparing for school on Thursday, but I know myself too well.

Feeling a bit about the holidays being over, and DS returning to full time nursery. Not expecting a tear-free drop off (him not me!).

So I drink pretty much every night. Mostly wine but sometimes beers or gins and tonics. I applaud myself for having 1 or 2 sober days per week when I manage it, and I'm a pretty functioning drunk unless I'm "out" or with certain friends when I keep going until I fall into bed. I suffer from appalling hangovers which can render me bedbound and vomiting all day at times.

My friends and family all drink to a lesser degree, and if I ever mention that I'm worried about my drinking they tell me not to be so silly, and ask questions like " well, do you drink in the morning?" (no) and "can you stop drinking" (yes) and decide that I don't have a problem.

I feel I do, and reading people's accounts of falls and bruises rings true. The only times I've ever really f*cked up in my life have been due to my being drunk.

Have to dash. Back soon.

Morning everyone,

Welcome scatty and MoP. MoP your post sounds similar to how I found this thread, not really 100% sure if my drinking was a problem and yet knowing in my heart that it was. It wasn't until I stopped that I fully realised how much of my life was affected, being with DD, work, relationships, finances. I was functioning - but I suspected there was more to life than functioning and obsessing over booze! Anyway, welcome aboard. How did your drop off go at nursery? How old is DS?

Isinde well done on getting to day 13 (or 20) ... really really pleased you have done it.

Boss I am feeling stronger this week so Keep hold and you'll be fine. If you fall off I'll slow Gerald down and help you clamber back on.

wantto I am so happy for you - you sound like a new woman. You really are putting in the hard work.

All ok here in Gee household. DD went to nursery today - first day for DD without best friend there. She was fine though, too busy pointing out her new shoes to her key worker to even notice

I only drank friday night this weekend so am really pleased. I figure if I can keep that up and then eventually cut it out entirely all will be good. (Its planning not projecting honest ). On friday PILs are over as we have an appointment at the hospital to find out about genetic tests and future pgs. However, I think I have pretty made up my mind that I can't go through it again. Much as I would love another child I don't think I could make it through another pregnancy - risk is too high.

Oooh - and we visited kittens ... its THE cutest kitten in the whole damn world. Siberian, cream and white (I think) - basically cream and ginger coloured and so gorgeous. I went from being an non cat person to a cat lover in half an hour. However, I had to double check allergies, so touching cat and then touching face and eyes ...OMG by the time we got home my eyes had swollen up and I was coming out in hives. I am so disappointed. So back to square one but I will keep trying with the cats. Any other suggestions for other breeds??

Sorry this is so damn long. Clearly I have shit to say today

Morning all, all quiet in Obrigada world, no alcohol last night although thats not really a biggie as Monday night not normally a drinking night for me.

Morning all

Well the sun is making another rare appearance today!
My poor DD has just fallen down the stairs and hurt her back and given herself a real shock, poor thing, however she is off to school.

Welcome MOP your drinking sounds very much like mine used to be. Definitely applauded myself on the days without drink, but my goodness what a struggle it all was. It was a daily obsession, whether I was drinking or not, I was always thinking about it, and l was high functioning, holding down a good job and managing to keep all the balls up in the air!

McGee you are sounding in a good place at the moment, I would love to get a cat, but am very allergic. So it's not gonna happen in this house!

Right need to get my butt in gear, off to meet wantto for lunch and a meeting!! Yay, really looking forward to it.

Stay safe BB's
Bafana

MoP - like MsGee, your drinking sounds similar to mine a month ago, although without the hangovers in my case (not sure whether that's a good thing or not - at least hangovers might act as a deterrent). Have you thought about whether you're trying to cut down or stop? I'm trying to cut down, and will consider stopping if that doesn't work. As I've said often before, early days.

MsGee let me know if you want to discuss genetic issues. Not sure whether I mentioned it before but I have a genetic condition with a 50/50 risk attached, fatal during late pregnancy in male children, and with some serious effects in female children. They found a way to do antenatal testing when I was about 30 (before that I had not thought I'd be able to have children), and I ended up having an amnio when pregnant with DS (too late for the CVS and didn't get the result until 24 weeks). Fortunately DS does not have the condition but based on my experience of the pregnancy / waiting for results etc etc ( think I pretty nearly had a breakdown and am sure it contributed to mild PND) we will not be trying for another child. I'm fine with that. So sorry to hear about the cat, was hoping it would be a great success story and we could get one. So far DS' suggested alternatives are a chinchilla or a snake and I am not that keen!

SaF, have been meaning to watch mad men for a while but missed it on TV. Off to check whether there are any boxed set deals on amazon.

Morning all,

Hmm, school reports 20 years ago, thurso, I don't think so .

MoP hello, and welcome. If you are worried, and want to stop drinking, that's all you need to know, really. I spent so long qualifying myself by thinking, I never miss work, I always get the the children to where they need to go and get them home, etc, etc, but I knew at heart, that however I was managing to function, it wasn't right, and wasn't how I wanted to be. I am a different person to the first day that I came on this thread, not quite where I want to be yet, but, everyone on here will help you to get where you want to be.

Saying that, was it Bafana or Bwanna asked me the other day what I wanted to do, forgive me for not remembering, the answer is, I want to stop drinking alcohol altogether, I think it is the only way for me. You all help me so much all the time to get there [xxxxxx icon!]

Wantto Big hug, you are doing so well.

Venus I have a Dc who thinks I am a taxi, at the moment as well, and also doesn't interact at all (apart from to ask for money!).

I imagine I have cross posted lots, as it has taken me ages to finish this message, so, hello all .

xx

DS is 3. And was angelic at drop-off. Went haring over to the carers and gave them massive hugs. There are new toys and new children in his preschool room so all very exciting.

I'm in bed with my sarnie! Have that horrid white wine acidic indigestion feeling this morning. Yuck. I intend to read through the thread in bed this morning. So much of what i've read is hitting home already. I feel guilty and anxious when I wake up after a boozy night. And if I have a very heavy weekend I feel extremely tearful and very depressed through until at least Tuesday. I've been on holiday for a couple of months and have drunk a lot this summer. My nails are very flaky, ive out on about 10lbs, and Ive been having way more aches and pains than I usually notice.

I love how I feel when I don't drink. Nothing to be ashamed of the next morning, no crippling hangovers, the sense of vitality and energy etc. I can go a couple of weeks max if I force myself to detox but it never lasts.

It seems as though in England particularly the world revolves around drinking, and options for socialising without it are so limited. I loved being pregnant for the very reason that you have a legitimate reason for being out of the drinking game. It sounds like I don't like drinking doesn't it? But I do. It's my absolute favourite thing in the world, and the idea of alcohol not being a part of my life is extremely daunting. So I'm not sure what my ultimate goal is. There are many people in my life who would be disgusted if I gave up drinking all together. I'd love to be able to drink like a normal person: be able to stop when ive had enough; not make myself violently ill due to my capacity to consume alcohol in vast quantities and at great speed. I cant drink slowly and often struggle not to "lap" my fellow drinkers.

Most importantly I want to be healthy for my son. I've lost count of the weekend mornings he's had to play by himself in front of the tv while I languish in bed. Even typing that makes me feel so ashamed.

Sorry for the long post. Very cathartic though!

Thanks for welcoming me, and well done to you all so far. I'm going to skip back and read about your journeys so far.

Oh indie gonna give us that recipe please, have a glut if courgettes!! Would love to make those, sound deilcious!!

and I would wager that most people wouldn't give a shit!! . Although my close friends know I am a recovering alchoholic, most friends and aquaintances really dont give two tossbags!!
Right off to meet wantto and be ladies who lunch

ok, am hungover and feel like boiled shite. so very , very tired these days...been skipping the a.d.s and replacing them with booze i think. should be in mensa, me!!
indie you are doing fabulously well, you go girl. I am applauding you from the sidelines.
mistress welcome. as you will see from my first sentence, some of us are more successful than others at beating the demon.
wantto - so very proud of you. what a turnaround!
venus have you got my DD2 there by any chance??? did 130 miles in my taxi at the weekend between riding lessons, singing lessons and drop offs/pick ups to friends? has she tidied her bedroom yet? has she feck!
Need to go into work soon, am skulking at home when should be away at meeting.
God, I could sleep forever. Don't you just wish for someone to stop the world turning, just for a few minutes, and to wrap you in a huge hug so that you felt safe and could stop everything. Just for a while?

I wish that many, many times Ma, although I usually want more than a few minutes, more along the lines of 6 months! Not a huggy person but have a huge hug from me

Morning

You lot do get up early, although so will I on Friday as it's back to work day for me then!

Now, I have to say Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. Sorry for the swearing nearly made me spit my tea over the laptop . Is DH drinking The Boss? Is that what's making it harder for you now he's back or is it just having another adult around? Good idea to read the threads and plan for 'wobble time'. Also remember one day/hour/minute at a time. Tell it to fuck the fuck off

grotty without guilt is much easier than grotty and guilty - I think I will have to make this my quote of the day, scatty

venus on the subject of egotistic children - some years ago on holiday I joined exasperated DH and crying DD on the beach. What's the matter? I asked her. "I want to go in the sea but I don't want there to be any waves" she wailed

MoP your post could have been me about 3 months ago. Drinking every night more or less, feeling guilty & anxious, gaining weight, suffering hangovers, feeling ashamed . . . . oh, wait . . . I think that could have been most of us on this bus . You've listed lots of negatives about drinking in your post and the one phrase I love how I feel when I don't drink sums it up really. Just keep those thoughts at the front of your mind, maybe print out your posts to refer back to easily, and take it one day at a time [simle]

Just thinking in 10 days I have only had 2 glasses of red wine and still no boing feeling, wonder when/if that will kick in

give it a bit longer obrigarda!, honestly, we boozers are so impatient!

im not too boingy myself today, i have a real dreadful crisis, there is something wrong with my foot and it hurts like fucking hell (it made me cry last night! ) im hobbling about like a really old lady and IM WEARING FLAT SHOES!! the pain is like a knife being stabbed right in the arch of my foot and ive walked so odd that now my neck hurts! (im wailing now!!)

anyway, its lovely to see how well all you new babes are doing! - the difference in the posts over such a short time shows just how low the fucker can take us and just how much better we can be without it!

sorry, my brain isnt working to well today, all i can focus on is the pain in my foot!