The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Here's To STAYING On A Sober Holiday!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

I have an abusive and volatile relationship with alcohol.

This is the Brave Babes Bus, it's filled with sober, drinking and somewhere in between Babes who are all here for the journey ahead, whatever that may entail.

EVERYONE is welcome on this Bus. No-one will judge what you are going through, what you drink, what you don't or what you do.

Come take a seat.

Take a peek at the journeys so far (including the thread by JWN that started this whole journey off) HERE

Oh and FWIW, no-one on the Bus is needy or a taker. In time we all help one another in some way, shape or form. My posting about your secret drinking, your hangover or your successes, gives us all a gentle reminder of our own battles or victories.

Keep posting no matter where you are on your journey.

Be Brave Babes xx

i guess i'm saying that alcohol has insidious effects beyond hangovers and making us behave like idiots whilst drunk. i think it really does depress us and zap us of our energy and passion and self belief. when we remove it we create a space for parts of ourselves that have been squashed under the weight of that depressant swimming around in our brains

Yep, for sure. I can certainly relate to that. For me, when I drink my days seem shorter, less productive, less exciting even. I've just been to the Village Fair where I mentioned how I much having the castle looked after and how nice it was to take Nemo there, feed the ducks, have a picnic and meet other mums there simply because we can.

The next thing you know, I'm being signed up for all sorts of things! Voluntry of course but do you know something? This time two weeks ago, maybe three, I wouldn't have offered to help at all. I'd be more worried about helping out there eating into my pub lunch time.

Yes, I must be mad as I have so much going on but it felt great to say yes, I can help you out. I want to give as much as I can to everyone who wants me to but I know I wouldn't feel like this hungover.

So I'm with you on that sAf, clear head equals clear mind, clear soul, clear vision.

And, BTW< I think you're doing yourself down here. If this proff didn't want to ttalk to you about your ideas, I have not doubt at all that she'd have just binned your e-mail. She's not obliged to contact you.

But she did. Because you are good at what you want to do. Believe. xx

Mouse, what a stunning family, including you! Am feeling suddenly old and dowdy after seeing your pics!

D sis just left to go home to London. Am feeling low, but still resisting, just. Dh may be back next week, has all got very grim in France now, fil really bad. Mil very frightened, poor chicken. She's really quite childlike in many ways, never lived on her own, went from parents house to husbands house, and is terrified of life on her own.

Tryandtry, I'm a complete taker ATM, but hope to become a giver as I get stronger. This thread is full of amazing people, don't worry about being a taker for a bit, because everyone here knows what that stage is like.

Hey Boss - I'm glad you are still around.

Ah, the old 'I'm fed up so I need a drink' demon. Don't let the bugger win sweets (easy for me to say).

I'm so sorry to hear of the family illness and worries. Can I give you some advice please? If you do end up having a drink, then so be it. Take the pressure off of yourself. Especially during this really tough time.

It's so hard being far away from where you want to be, to try and help. If you want to, please please let it out here.

Between us there are enough ears to listen and shoulders to cry on should you want to. No judging no matter what. We're here for you xx

And thanks, I like my family too and realise how lucky I am.

hi Boss, hopefully you resisted temptation and are tucked up in bed by now - I know you find weekdays easier so that's something? Have just managed to stave off temptation this evening (massive struggle around 5pm, and I thought I was going so well this morning - just goes to show!). Good luck to everyone in the early stages of the process...

Hiya

hello to new folks and everyone else, sorry I absconded for a bit.

Been struggling with everything for last couple of weeks, very low a d teary. Diagnosed with mild depression / severe anxiety this week. As some wise babes predicted counsellor won't take me on bc on bereavement period. Will write to me once I am but I'm not going as I didn't like her. She suggested having another baby would help with nightly panics about DD. This did not endear me to her. She basically failed to listen to me and said a lot of useless crap.

DD in fine form - screaming blue murder most nights bc I won't let her in my mind. Pg friend had good 12 week scan. Listened about how amazing it is, how they are perfectly formed babies by then... Yadda yadda yadda. I bit my tongue.

Drank too much last night so dragged my sorry ass to the gym today. Plan is that I am going to get through all of this through exercise and not drinking.

Won't let DD in my room. Not mind. She already know how to Jedi mind trick me...

yes well that was shit...
Dh and ds came home from camp , lots of hugs and kisses, missed each other loads. Dh came in rattling wine bottles in a carrier. Well it was like when Jasper smelt Bella's blood in the the 2nd or 3rd twilight thingmigig.. He isntantly got 2 glasses out of cabinet and pored 2 glasses of white wine. away we go. well i was very slow and believe it or not drank hugely less than normal but , and its a big BUT i found him so damn irratating , butting in on conversations with ds and losing his rag really easily. I will not drink tomorrow, i dont like it, i must address this with dh so he can support me. ds turns 10 in 2 days and dont know why but its a big deal to me. I can see him changing and growing and seeing things, not like before. I must try harder

try, I've been keeping an eye on you. Not stalking, I promise! I was concerned how tonight would go. And you have done well. Don't tell yourself any different.

Speak to DH, yes. But realise that you may need to do most of this on your own with the support of the other lovely ladies here on the bus. Your DS will notice. In time perhaps your DH will also notice.

You are a very strong lady and I know you will eventually to where you want and need to be.

i do know why its a big deal. its because he is growing up into a little person a little man and not my baby anymore. i see things in shops and think ooh he would have loved that (when he was 5 ) and thinking. ill never get that back. i know i have something else, something just as good, a lovely boy who is kind and loving ( and nearly as tall as me) and i am proud. sorry, ranting (taking) again. You lot should nt be so good you know, you ought to charge for your listenening(counselling)

thanks eternal, you are my little angel on my shoulder. And i will do this i really will. even though i have fell off tonight, i will get back on. Thank you x

off to bed. night night babes , sending love.

Morning everyone,

tryandtryagain come back and talk about the but, about why, and all that, because that sort of talking has helped so many of us - me included - and I believe there is a path that all of us have to take and you are on yours. No one is ever unwelcome because they've been drinking and anyone that can moderate their drinking has huge respect from me - because I really can't!!

It's a sunny lovely Monday here and I had a lovely day yesterday and I am a bit worried that my barbeque might not have been the success I thought as I have spent much of the night on the toilet...

I've started transactional analysis counselling - been a bit reluctant to say - but my 3rd session is this afternoon.

Hi try, hope to see you here again today! I can relate to how you feel re your DS, mine is nearly 7 and I can feel him heading towards independence already! Is he your only DC?

I think you do need to speak to your DH, mainly to stop him from pouring you drinks (and you resenting him for it - and to be fair you can't blame him if he hasn't been told!). Don't think you necessarily need to turn it into a major drama if you don't want to - you can always say you want to cut down for general health / appearance reasons. I don't think you can/should expect him to change his own drinking habits- this is about you doing this for you iyswim - I think (others can correct me) that it needs to be entirely independent of what he's doing. Also, you don't want to create a situation where you feel he is policing you....

try

I suspect your posts ring true for many of us.

I came on the board because my main concern was worrying about the impact my drinking had on DD. She was my motivation for coming on and not drinking for a few months. This time I am doing it for me - but she is still at the forefront of my thoughts.

Also many people struggle with partners when starting this journey. My DH kept telling me to just stop after one or two. It took months for him to realise that I just don't do that. Its hard for partners I think - it makes them look at their own drinking, realise that someone they love has been struggling (which they might not want to admit) - a whole host of things. So you need to make this decision for you and tell him your decision. I found that DH drinks much less when I am not drinking but I don't expect my decisions re drinking to affect his.

Isindie long time no see

Morning all - I did indeed resist temptation and ate the best part of a tarte tartin instead So seems I might have to also be cautious of not replacing alcohol with binge eating instead - sigh.

Dreadful nights sleep (may have had something to do with the orchards worth of apples in my stomach), but still have some energy reserves - so I think maybe I've bottomed out of the energy slump and am on an upward curve again.

mouse - actually, I think you're family are just as lucky to have you as vice versa. and don't you forget it!

saf - wow, just wow! I would love to study/research more - maybe one day. In the meantime, I shall content myself that I know some very very clever people on MN! (apologies if that sounds patronising - tone in typing is something I often find hard to judge)

try - there will always be a seat for you on the bus, not matter how many times you need to jump off for a bit. Don't be so hard on yourself, but do talk to your DH - I know how hard a conversation it will be to have, but you may feel a profound sense of relief afterwards - one less thing to worry about if you're not fretting that he's going to go into autopilot and pour you a drink.

Thing I may have found myself a decent therapist here (lots of good ones, but not fluent English speakers, which given the stuff I need to offload is probably important since my Thai is also not up to the job). Am going for a session with her as soon as DH comes home and I have childcare for the night (would ask nanny, but she's dealing with recent bereavement, so has enough on her plate without my dramas).

No idea when DH will be back - will find out more tonight. Have offered to go over, but MIL doesn't want the bother of us there (and I know what she means, am not offended in the slightest, just think that its a bit harsh on DH).

Cock - that was epic - sorry.

mouse just looked at the lovely photos of your beautiful nemo with his wonderful curls - aww, lovely

I was away over the weekend, and it was an interesting time. The room we were staying in had a small decanter of sherry for us [eek!]. It is not a drink i would normally ever enjoy, or choose, but I had an awful hour on Friday evening before we went out to eat. It looked so golden and tempting, it looked like nectar from heaven, it was calling to me in a soft silken voice.... I was so, so close to suggesting the we had a glass each (just a glass, what harm could it do?). But as soon as I thought about it as a serious intention I started planning my next drink (G&T on arrival at the restaurant), and I could see how my mind was working. And I had a sparkling water instead. I will freely admit that at that time on Friday, the sparkling water was NOT what I wanted, it didn't refresh me, I didn't enjjoy it, and I felt a bit cheated. But I thought hey there's always tomorrow....

Fortunately on Saturday, the sherry demon had drowned itself and I had no desire whatsoever to try the sherry . Unfortunately it was not the same for the people in the next room - the woman must have been 'got' by the demon in every bottle she encountered. By 11pm, this 50+ woman who had been elegant at the start of the evening was extremely drunk, loud, obnoxious, rude, crude. I met her in hte garden outside the hotel, and she told me what a 'f-ing marvellous meal she'd had' before she headed back to her room for some gin. It really spoiled our time, we had to close all our windows so that we couldn't hear her raucous 'chatting', and we had to put some music on in order to srown out a little more of the noise. I did feel pissed off that we had to sleep in a stuffy room and listen to Nora Jones on cd loop, just because of her selfish drunken behaviour. And yes, I know, that at other times that would have been me

saf I too was excited when I read your post about your research. I am an a serial educationalist - I've not gone more than a couple of years without the need to learn something. I so agreed with what you were saying about your motivation, energy levels and self-confidence increasing when you are not drinking, and how drinking just sucks that out of you.

I thought that i was functioning well while I was drinking. In reality, I was managing to exist. There was an area of work for which I am trained, which I am really good at , and which I find really rewarding, but which while I was drinking heavily I felt I was neither able to do, not entitled to be involved in. Now I've got back into that area of work and it makes my heart sing

Oh, and did you know saf that your posts follow that pattern too - they went from sounding as though everything was a struggle and you expected failure, to sounding as though you might just be able to conquer the world . That is how it should be. It's OK, and natural to feel nervous about the call today, and much, mcuh better than feeling like you daren't even try.

Morning all, drank too much on Friday night, sort of planned really, since my mother went into a home I have had no real contact with two of my sisters, and on Friday morning I found out that they were in my hometown once again without contacting me, I text them asking was there a reason why they didn't let me know they were in town and I received what can only be described as a bitter filled text, I asked where the bitterness had come from and was told it had been there a long time, another couple of texts followed, the last of which was basically an assassination of my character, and I was left reeling.
I know that trying to blot out the hurt with alcohol wasn't the answer but for me it was a temporary relief from it.