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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Here's To STAYING On A Sober Holiday!

1000 replies

Mouseface · 08/08/2011 12:20

Hello, I'm Mouse Smile

I have an abusive and volatile relationship with alcohol.

This is the Brave Babes Bus, it's filled with sober, drinking and somewhere in between Babes who are all here for the journey ahead, whatever that may entail.

EVERYONE is welcome on this Bus. No-one will judge what you are going through, what you drink, what you don't or what you do.

Come take a seat. Smile

Take a peek at the journeys so far (including the thread by JWN that started this whole journey off) HERE

OP posts:
Mouseface · 22/08/2011 11:38

Morning Babes

obrigada - That is totally shite of your sisters. How dare they do that to you? I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I'd say your better off without them.

Funnily enough, I went to a craft fair with Nemo and DH, just to get out fo the house yesterday and ended up being signed up for all kinds of voluntary help! No idea how that happened but oh well, if I'm fit enough and free to help, I'm happy too. Smile

Thing is, whilst we were there, one of my 'friends' walked straight past me. With her DS, DD and DH. She looked directly at DH but didn't say a word. He told me once we'd left, but first asked why I'd not said hi to her....... erm, because I didn't even see her! Why did she do that? No idea.

Sometimes people are strange, with strange ideas of what friends or family are supposed to be. Rise above it lovely lady, they're not worthy of YOU! xx

I've been sober since my friend left on Friday but I'm really struggling with headaches still. I felt awful last night and was in bed with Nemo at 9, he fell asleep around 10pm. I got up at 10am! Must of needed to rest. Still not feeling great I have to say.

venus - What an awful weekend for you. Did you not feel like complaining? Or in actual fact, did you think of that night to be some form of Karma? Life getting you back for all of the times it would have been you?

try - You will beat this demon. If you want to, you will. Keep going, keep posting, keep reading and talking to us xx

OP posts:
obrigada · 22/08/2011 12:20

Thanks Mouse, it really hit me hard. Think it's because I knew the two were together bitching about me and backing each other up, and both with partners who would naturally their opinion of me, whereas I have no "significant other" to help me figure out where all the bitterness had come from.

MsGee · 22/08/2011 12:25

Mouse Mouse

dementedma · 22/08/2011 12:33

venus sorry that drunken cow person with alcohol problems ruined your evening. there but for the Grace of God and the Brave Babes...
obrigada -obviously there is a back story to all of this, but hurling bitter texts at you doesn't sound like the mature way to deal with it. I hope you and your sisters can resolve things.
Hi to all others..

Mouseface · 22/08/2011 13:01

MsGee

^Been struggling with everything for last couple of weeks, very low and teary. Diagnosed with mild depression / severe anxiety this week. As some wise babes predicted counsellor won't take me on bc on bereavement period. Will write to me once I am but I'm not going as I didn't like her. She suggested having another baby would help with nightly panics about DD. This did not endear me to her. She basically failed to listen to me and said a lot of useless crap.

Pg friend had good 12 week scan. Listened about how amazing it is, how they are perfectly formed babies by then... Yadda yadda yadda. I bit my tongue.^

Sweetheart, they won't normally see you until after 6 months have passed. Which is appalling when you think about it, just when you need someone to help scoop you up out of the fog and repair the tears in your heart, they tell you to wait.

This is something I have never understood.

'Ask us for help, we're here any time you need us. As long as it's when we have a member of staff to see you and it's after six months from when your baby died. Okay poppet?' Hmm

Do fuck off. No really, do. Whilst I appreciate that these 'highly trained' individuals are only following the guidelines/rules/regulations etc...... none of that helps YOU and NOW. When you really need a hand to hold. When you would give your last breath to change it all, to hold your baby.

Yes you have a gorgeous DD (who is currently pushing your buttons btw because she knows) and a gorgeous DH who adores you, but they're not enough somehow are they?

Not with grief this huge, this enveloping. It swallows you whole in the middle of the night. When you should be feeling your swelling belly ripple and wriggle as your baby grows and develops. But you can't feel that can you? It's not there. Sad

Sweetheart, I know that pain. And so do many others. My sister announced her pg exactly a year to the day that I had the boys removed in hospital. She didn't even click. Not when the tears sprang to my eyes, not when I tried to smile for her, not when I thought how selfish she was (having 3 already) and not when I prayed that night that it could be me instead of her.

Grief is a funny creature, it manifests in many, many ways and at times when you do expect it to, but also at times when just for a while, you feel safe from that pain. You feel free and can breathe. It won't be obvious but it will be there.

Maybe you should post in bereavement too. I find it helps just to pop in and out. Or get something you can talk to. Something physical that you can see. I find that helps me too.

You know where I am MsGee, only a call or text or FB message away. I know this is hurting you but I promise, it won't always be such a sharp pain. xx

OP posts:
Mouseface · 22/08/2011 13:02

Not sure why my ^ didn't work but the first two paragraphs are a quote. Smile

OP posts:
MsGee · 22/08/2011 13:09

Mouse its like you know exactly how I feel. Which is of course because you know exactly what it is like. Sad

Your ok poppet did make me smile amongst the tears though - that is how they are?! The specialist mw said to ring whenever I wanted but would then fob me off to someone else!

Bereavement thread is a good idea. Sorry, I am a bit me, me at the moment.

how is that lovely Nemo today?

obrigada your sisters sound like shits. I am sorry. I think that sisters have a way of hurting you that cuts to the core, many years of perfecting spite?

venus had to laugh at mouse's theory that your weekend was karma! Perhaps it was a message from the Goddess in the Sky / Mother Nature to remind you that you have chosen the better path?

Isindebetterplace · 22/08/2011 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsGee · 22/08/2011 13:50

Isindie bear hugs ahoy!!

Thank you for the lovely words, you are most kind. You also know me well. I can send you a picture of my new stationery planning system - I have a laminated massive monthly calendar with the work hours for each client to be done each day? It will make you smile and you might even be slightly Envy. I also have a new filing system which cheered me up today.

Obviously I haven't done any bloody work but hey ho.

TheBossofMe · 22/08/2011 13:59

Omg I think I've just arrived in heaven. You mean we can talk about stationary on the bus as well as booze????

I have possibly the worst stationary fetish in the world. Anything that means I can organise, colour code, file more efficiently. Clearly linked to my mild OCD issues, but, hey, its not harming anyone and is keeping stationary suppliers of the world in business.

Msgee, I have no words that can even begin to be a comfort to you, but I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and am a willing ear, shoulder or any other part of the anatomy you care to borrow at any point. Time difference means I'm often around when everyone else is sleeping, so if you find yourself in need of a chat in the wee hours, just post or pm and I'll try to be there.

Same goes for anyone else on this thread, am up from 630 bkk time, so half midnight your time.

MsGee · 22/08/2011 14:07

Thanks TheBoss ... yes Isindie and myself (and others who can out themselves) have a stationery fetish. I work from home and have a little office and devote many hours to thinking about stationery. Isindie and many posts on filing systems when I moved house and set up the office! I have an account with Staples which keeps me happy. I also by a lot of stuff from local stationers - mainly for DD as I encourage her to make cards (which she does but they are always for her!)

TheBossofMe · 22/08/2011 14:20

Hmm. Have just spotted that I might have a fetish about it, but I certainly can't spell it. Am tempted to blame autocorrect, but, no, it's just bad spelling! Blush

Isindebetterplace · 22/08/2011 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairenuff · 22/08/2011 15:11

Hello all.

Am back from holiday and haven't managed to read what I missed yet so apologies if I'm 'out of date' but welcome to any newbies. I did catch a post from ready so hope you're still with us.

Is anyone watching BigBrother? I noticed Sally Bercow said she gave up alcohol 10 years ago because she couldn't drink 'normally'. A brave lady!

Got a lovely tan (with very white middle cos not brave to bare all in a bikini Blush). We ate out a lot and whilst I would normally have ordered a bottle of wine and glass of water, I ordered a bottle of water and glass of wine. I glugged the water during starters and desert and had the one glass of wine with my main meal. It worked really well because we had a siesta after lunch which stopped me from continuing to drink all afternoon! Maybe this is why they don't have the same booze culture on the continent that we do in Britain?

Anyway, hope you are all well, will be back later x

venusandmars · 22/08/2011 15:12

Envy Envy of Isindie's giant whiteboard. I WANT one!

I've been in love with stationery since I got my first dymo tape machine for Christmas age 11 (and probably before that when I got a pack of 18 felt pens). When I worked in an office alongside other people (rather than indulging my habit at home alone) I used to drive people mad making the same joke repeatedly...

Colleague: Are there any staples / folders / pens / whatever?

Me: Yeah, in the stationary cupboard - that's the one over there that's not moving

Grin Grin Grin Grin

MsGee · 22/08/2011 15:42

Grrr, my white board looks very small in comparison. is yours magnetic? mine is supposed to be but isn't and its a continual source of disappointment!

Also jealous of Faire's tan!! I am translucent.

Mouseface · 22/08/2011 18:57

I hate a magnetic slate board in my kitchen. You use white pen on it and it's ACE! I use to log Nemo's feed. Grin

DH has 2, yes 2 white boards in his office. I am a white board addict! And I have to have a pen in each colour, red, green, blue, black.....

I should get out more.

OP posts:
Mouseface · 22/08/2011 19:01

'have' not hate. Uber tired typing now. And yet another headache is upon me! That's a week now. Maybe I need to go and see my lovely GP..... this could be my meds couldn't it? Withdrawal?

Chilli chicken, prawns and rice here tonight. Then BED!

OP posts:
MsGee · 22/08/2011 19:35

I thought I was flash with my laminated thing and now you're all revealing enormous and multiple white boards!! I have four pens too though and I used to colour code for weekly tasks: work; home; DD; me!!

Your dinner sounds lovely. Another ready meal here. Lucky DH prefers them to my cooking Grin

Go see your GP, a week of headaches must be exhausting. You'll kick yourself if you have another week of it and then find out it can be simply resolved with change of meds or something.

startAfire · 22/08/2011 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MsGee · 22/08/2011 20:32

hi start (or can I use your old name?) At least you are not drinking now. Are you working? Is DS in bed? What is the plan for tonight. I am working on a short deadline too

I know what you mean about letting out emotions but to be honest the worst time is at night and I really don't want to let it out ... I feel it would be opening Pandora's box if that makes sense?

Finally don't be daft about not being on here. You are doing great - how many more days would you have drunk - and drunk more - if it weren't for your hard work already? You might not have objectives this week but you are still here and posting and you have made the decision not to drink tonight. Sounds to me like you are doing just fine. I don't have a master plan being here. I like not to drink mid week but last week I did. I don't really want to drink too much on weekends but often I do. I am muddling along but being here means I am muddling along rather than fucking up every day - and some days that is a plan in itself. x

venusandmars · 22/08/2011 20:37

saf don't go. I am uplifted by reading your posts. Who needs goals and objectives? Not Brave Babes, we just take it as it comes.

msgee I have nothing to add that would be of any use, but I am thinking of you with a sympathetic heart.

Mouseface · 22/08/2011 21:11

Who needs one? Quick, they're not very MN and I don't do touchy feely but there seems to be some Babes out there who need some Mousey love Grin

I'm off to watch tv with my boys now. Nemo is still going strong even though he's had an hour out without me in the park with his respite worker for the very first time!

So, take those hugs, hold me close and I'll be back in the morning.

Night xx

PS - no booze tonight either Smile xx

OP posts:
legalalien · 22/08/2011 21:16

Saf - don't know if it helps but I'm starting to think of things vaguely in terms of "rules" eg the Sunday to thursday thing, which are designed to change habitual behaviour / address physical dependence and objectives, which are to drink less / demote drinking to a non-speaking role in the drama of my life. I think everyone's different! So stay and keep on holding my hand! You have been such a big help to me so far.

MsGee · 22/08/2011 21:18

venus thank you x

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