MsGee
^Been struggling with everything for last couple of weeks, very low and teary. Diagnosed with mild depression / severe anxiety this week. As some wise babes predicted counsellor won't take me on bc on bereavement period. Will write to me once I am but I'm not going as I didn't like her. She suggested having another baby would help with nightly panics about DD. This did not endear me to her. She basically failed to listen to me and said a lot of useless crap.
Pg friend had good 12 week scan. Listened about how amazing it is, how they are perfectly formed babies by then... Yadda yadda yadda. I bit my tongue.^
Sweetheart, they won't normally see you until after 6 months have passed. Which is appalling when you think about it, just when you need someone to help scoop you up out of the fog and repair the tears in your heart, they tell you to wait.
This is something I have never understood.
'Ask us for help, we're here any time you need us. As long as it's when we have a member of staff to see you and it's after six months from when your baby died. Okay poppet?' 
Do fuck off. No really, do. Whilst I appreciate that these 'highly trained' individuals are only following the guidelines/rules/regulations etc...... none of that helps YOU and NOW. When you really need a hand to hold. When you would give your last breath to change it all, to hold your baby.
Yes you have a gorgeous DD (who is currently pushing your buttons btw because she knows) and a gorgeous DH who adores you, but they're not enough somehow are they?
Not with grief this huge, this enveloping. It swallows you whole in the middle of the night. When you should be feeling your swelling belly ripple and wriggle as your baby grows and develops. But you can't feel that can you? It's not there. 
Sweetheart, I know that pain. And so do many others. My sister announced her pg exactly a year to the day that I had the boys removed in hospital. She didn't even click. Not when the tears sprang to my eyes, not when I tried to smile for her, not when I thought how selfish she was (having 3 already) and not when I prayed that night that it could be me instead of her.
Grief is a funny creature, it manifests in many, many ways and at times when you do expect it to, but also at times when just for a while, you feel safe from that pain. You feel free and can breathe. It won't be obvious but it will be there.
Maybe you should post in bereavement too. I find it helps just to pop in and out. Or get something you can talk to. Something physical that you can see. I find that helps me too.
You know where I am MsGee, only a call or text or FB message away. I know this is hurting you but I promise, it won't always be such a sharp pain. xx